Day 25 Apprehensions enough

Every day I am confronted with pain, mainly in the back, also knee, left hand, neck and belly.
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think of is: how is the pain, is it allready become less?
So, my first attention goes to the pain. Immediately I focus on my feelings and emotions, how they are.
Today I feel more pain then yesterday, my body is more tensed. I don't know the reason of it yet.

Maybe I am too busy with this program, too much writing, too much reading, it keeps me constantly busy.
I am often dizzy and light in my head. I know it's all a part of TMS, I am not afraid of this proces or the pain.
I am in it and belief for 100%.

There is a fear in me who isn't clear for me. Early days it happened to.
I become unclear in the head and I can't think anymore.
Earlier I was afraid that I was send to psychiatry, I felt different of others.
I did not know what was happening to me.
I act very strange, I quick changed of mood and didn't know the reason.
I had taken over all the emotions of other people.

Also I was afraid of the devil. I was Christian educated, had regular confession.
(when I had my confession I had to lie because there was nothing to confess)
I became afraid of the devil because I did not dare to believe in God.
I thought they declared me crazy.
This brought me sleepless nights because I was afraid to go to sleep.
The devil could come to get me.
The pastors in church always told us: when you don't go to church then....
when you don't love your parents then.....
when you lie then......etc.
Then you won't go to heaven, but you go straight to hell.

When I was about 50 I met God. From that moment I am no longer afraid of the devil. I belief.

There are a lot of things I were afraid of, but the devil was the biggest.

With love, Rozie.

 

Hi Rozie,

It seems to me you are doing well, taking a firm stance to see all as symptoms, and observing your fear, not believing it too much.

You are aware that you are checking your pain levels, and this can be seen, and not fueled by more of the same. Try to bring your attention to other things when your mind goes toward the pain, and pain checking. It is natural to wonder if you're getting better. It is beautiful to not care!

I am happy for your experience of God.

Andy B