Hi Braden
I'm sorry you're struggling, I know how difficult it is for you at the moment, but please don't think you are losing your mind, you are not. Your TMS is just looking for an alternative distraction, with a good measure of our old friend fear thrown in.
It's early days for you in your healing, you've learned a great deal so far, don't be discouraged what you are experiencing is normal. Although you have accepted TMS at a conscious level it takes longer for your subconscious to take it in, below is an extract from some advice I posted on one of Pingman's threads, which explains better what I mean :
"I had to absolutely brainwash myself about TMS to fully accept it and lose the FEAR. You know how you when you're learning a drive a car, you do the theory - understand, but can't drive yet, get in the car and put theory into practice - you can drive, but you have to think what you're doing all the time, you make mistakes and you're a bit scared - keep practicing over and over, then your subconscious "get's it" and you can drive the car effortlessly, just watching the road, not thinking about how you are moving the car. Do you get what I mean, your subconscious lags behind you is all."
It's obviously entirely your decision and I have no medical training, but from my own personal experience I would not advise anti-anxiety drugs. They are not a cure only a very temporary fix, and in my case threw me even further off balance.
I was the same as you at the beginning of my healing, boredom was always a killer for me too. I got to thinking "Oh I'm in more pain because I don't like being bored". I decided to change my way of thinking about it, instead of spending the time over-thinking and adding to fear, I thought "Oh this is great I've got free time to do whatever I want, so I'd go and do something I enjoyed or I would spend the time alone journaling, practicing how to meditate or reading my TMS healing books.
The advice of Claire Weekes will help you greatly, Herbie's thread of reminders is excellent.
YOU CAN DO THIS, A BAD DAY IS JUST A BAD DAY, IGNORE IT, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER TOMORROW.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE WE ARE ALL HERE TO HLEP YOU, YOU WILL COME THROUGH I PROMISE.
MASSIVE HUGS !
