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Day 37 Anxiety a Problem

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by ssxl4000, May 11, 2019.

  1. ssxl4000

    ssxl4000 Well known member

    Today's ponder question is about self care. Good timing as I feel I am getting too bogged down in the journaling and therapy. A few weeks ago I found out what I believe are my biggest emotional issues currently...repressed anger and resentment at my wife and 4 year old daughter. Prior to that I spent most of my time working on some issues with my brother/parents/work that have been very difficult to deal with. However, I don't think I repressed the emotions as much with those because I am used to being angry/upset in those areas.

    However, my home has always been my happy place consciously. So, spending the last few weeks thinking about the negative emotions associated with my wife/daughter that I never let myself feel before is not fun. I seem to have developed anxiety over it. I started feeling anxiety symptoms several months ago, before learning about TMS. They were fleeting. However, the last few weeks, they have been near constant. I know it's a TMS equivalent, but it's hard. I don't want to fight it by thinking about "the rage" when I feel it, because that just fills my head with more reasons I don't like my wife/daughter. I can't keep doing that. I am on edge around my them, and they can upset me very easily. I can tell why I get upset...for example my wife started eating a bunch of snacks five minutes before I was going to serve dinner and I got pissed. In the past, I would have brushed it off. But now, I know I feel unappreciated by her at times, which in turn makes me feel like i'm not a good enough husband, so this hit that right feeling right away. It took me a while to drop it.

    I guess I just feel like this is a lot to deal with in the matter of a few weeks. I think I need a break to just focus on the positive things in my life and why I love my family...do some self care, etc. Anybody else have a similar experience where the journaling starts to scare you in regards to how you view certain people/things?
     
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi @ssxl4000:

    Day 37, woo hoo!

    It sounds like you are doing great work and it's clear that you are being honest enough with yourself that the journaling is accomplishing what it's supposed to accomplish! Many people never reach this point because they are petrified to face the truth about their repressed emotions.

    Nicole Sachs, in her book The Meaning Of Truth, achieved one of her biggest breakthroughs when she first acknowledged that she "hated" her 4-year old daughter, eventually realizing, of course, that she didn't actually hate her little girl, but that she was dealing with her own inner rage due to her own unmet expectations.

    Think about that, write about that, and keep up the good work. And give yourself a LOT of credit and self-love for getting to this point - both the number of days you have completed, and especially for being willing to find the meaning of YOUR truth.

    ~Jan
     
  3. ssxl4000

    ssxl4000 Well known member

    Thanks Jan
     

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