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Day 17 Angry, Sad, Fine, and start over again

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Hedger, Dec 2, 2020.

  1. Hedger

    Hedger Well known member

    I have had a couple of rollercoaster days.

    Two days ago I had some pain and very tired, decided go out running again anyway. Decided to not be afraid and think of the pain as TMS. It went away, I ran the 5km (3.1mi) 2 minutes faster than I have done for 5 years. Yes! It felt awesome. Another physical improvement.

    The day after I had all sorts of emotions. Maybe muscle release from the run, or just psychological release. Had to express some things in the family that had bothered me, it went pretty good. I cried also a little bit.

    Had 3 beers afterwards just cause I felt like celebrating a bit my achievements (I don't drink much). That held me up late, and then my son wakes up at 3 am, and 4 am etc crying, you now how it goes with toddlers.

    So today I´m extremely tired from low amount of sleep. And had an encounter with a worker that just made me so angry. I´m fucking furious. The reason was that the person just wouldn't listen to what I said. And in the end it turned out I was right after all, and he got kind of pissed at that fact. I was nice through the encounter, but afterwards felt like I wanted to punch him in the face. Arrogant prick.

    After that I started to journal about some childhood stuff, man was I angry. Wrote 2 pages of swearing, insults and my feelings towards how some treated me. Then I hit a pillow for like 1 min. Note: I have never hit an actual person in my life (expect in sports with protection, like ice hockey). Ended the writing on a more positive side, how I could empower myself against fear etc.

    I´m just so angry inside every other day. It´s exhausting...
    Balsa11 likes this.
  2. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    If you're doing well, no worries. If you're prone to getting woken up in the middle of the night, go to bed at a reasonable time so you still get enough sleep. Getting into fights can be draining so I wouldn't be in them much.
  3. Hedger

    Hedger Well known member

    I am doing well, thank you. Pain still down a lot. This was venting emotions on a tough day.

    Haha stating the obvious?! It was this specific night I did not do that and it coincided with bad sleep for kid. I was just writing to vent my feelings.

    If it is a fight like destructive I agree its draining for all parts, it sucks.
    If its a constructive conversation I think its good not to avoid conflict but instead solve as many as possible (not hide from them).
    Balsa11 and cookieheals like this.

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