Angry because I have unbearable pain

[kazed]

Hello,
5 years ago I started to have pain in the tendons of my knees and I went to see all the doctors possible without any structural cause being clearly identified. Subsequently, burns were added to the back, thigh and arms.
It is only for 1 month that I put a diagnosis on my problems following the reading of a book by Dr Sarno. I realized that my problems were psychological and so I listed all my repressed rages that I repeated throughout the day. But during this time, my symptoms only worsened, is it normal?
What makes me most angry is the pain itself. It is good to repeat that I am angry because I have unbearable pain that prevents me from living.
I try to feel anger and force myself to cry thinking about it? Is it helpful? Thank you

 

[sam908]

I listed all my repressed rages that I repeated throughout the day

Dan B. says that thinking about your rage repeatedly only serves to reinforce the subconscious notion that you're in danger.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I realized that my problems were psychological

Excellent start! Don't forget to congratulate yourself for accomplishing this big step towards recovery!

during this time, my symptoms only worsened, is it normal?

Yes!! As crazy as that seems, this is proof of the TMS mechanism being the cause of your symptoms.

What makes me most angry is the pain itself.

Nope. This is what your TMS brain wants you to pay attention to, but it has nothing to do with the rage that Dr Sarno describes. Shallow anger is just another distraction! Your true rage comes from somewhere else, much deeper, and probably from much farther back (depending on your age, that's going to be relative).

If you had childhood adversity of any kind, start there!

 

[TG957]

Why are you angry about your pain? Acceptance of what had happened to you whether it fair or not, is the beginning of healing.

 

[Baseball65]

so I listed all my repressed rages

Keep reading the book...over and over. Make lists of things you identify with...
We don't know our unconscious rages because they are 'repressed'(the words are sort of interchangeable) ...in fact , if you know about them those are you're 'perceived emotions' that Sarno explained better in 'Mindbody Prescription' than in 'Healing back Pain' which was and is my favorite text.
...In my experience those are seldom the reason for my pain. In fact, if they were I would have never been in pain because I walked around angry a LOT of the time. Some of my friends in the worst pain are cussing spitting fireballs of rage...

The perceived emotions are like the portion of an iceberg you can see, and like an iceberg, it's the part you can't see that's sinking your boat.

What makes me most angry is the pain itself

I don't know which book you read, But Sarno discussed this... I thought it too...but it wasn't true. My Marriage that was 'fine' was a problem. (existential terror about losing my family particularly my sons) My Job was fine..I was good at it and I liked it... but it was the problem (.. I loathed it and I worked for Satan himself and couldn't give a rats ass if the place burned to the ground) I was happy with my lot in life..that was the problem too (. I wanted to play baseball and Play music but my wifes constant needs meant I spent all day at a job I couldn't f-ing stand)

The point I am getting to is: Make a list of stuff in your life that you are totally OK with...When you find what you're really pissed about in THAT list? Then your pain will go away...and sometimes its stuff we can't do anything about and that sucks

peace

repeated throughout the day

BTW.. that IS a good strategy to use when you catch yourself focusing on the symptoms, but it has to be part of a multi-pronged strategy

 

[PainNoMore]

don't forget to look at the other side of the coin. if your mind/emotions have the power to cause physical pain, you also have the power to cause good/blissful feels. it's kinda like a superpower. and not just good/blissful feels - healing too

 

[kazed]

Hi, thanks for your answers.
I start chapter 2 of my life with TMS.
The first chapter that lasted 5 years and that made me fall to the wheelchair was a fight against anyone because I did not know what I had.
I am French and in 5 years I never had a diagnosis. This week again I consulted a psychologist who knows nothing about this "disease" which for me will become a real scourge with all the problems related to social networks in particular.
I start chapter 2 by having made a false start and I feel it physically; I thought it would be a sprint but it is a marathon that atted me and the objective is simply to be finisher.
After reading Sarno a dozen times and having gone through the forum a lot (congratulations to the angel JanAtheCPA in particular who I hope after helping so many people, will also guide me), I think I have acquired the necessary knowledge.
Beginner question: thanks to your answers I understood that pain should not be a source of conscious anger. But are the consequences of these pains (stop physical activity/ loss of autonomy/ loss of social life) anger to "declare" or do I need to focus more on the triggering events that brought me to the bottom of this hole?
Thanks

 

[Baseball65]

triggering events that brought me to the bottom of this hole?

Doing your own 'archaeology' is probably the most important, BUT

But are the consequences of these pains (stop physical activity/ loss of autonomy/ loss of social life) anger to "declare"

Those need to be on any list too...especially if you've been 'robbed' of substantial time/relationships/experiences.

I used to fantasize about beating up the chubby sweaty Surgeon with bad skin who operated on me....He told me I had a "better than 90% chance of returning to work" if I did his $50k dollar surgery.. I didn't get better in his time frame (3 weeks?) and then I had a 'Less than 25% chance of ever returning to work". I am really good at math and also have a stellar memory...GRRRRR!

after reading Sarno, When I would go out for 'anger therapy ' and destroy things and rant out loud, he was always on the list.

But my relationships with my Family of origin, wife and children were more the actual cause of how I came down with TMS in the first place...not the relationships, but the unacknowledged anger around them. Like I said, this is a multifaceted issue which needs a comprehensive recovery strategy based on your specific situation...but the good news is, it works...regardless of the details that vary from person to person

 

[lili2002]

Je suis française aussi et aussi au début du parcours. Mais je peux te dire que tout cela fonctionne, je m en rends compte déjà après deux mois du travail. Sois indifférente avec tes symptômes, détaches toi du résultat, sois honnête avec toi même en toute circonstance. Et fais toi passer EN PRiORITE. Mais ici nous sommes dans un désert hélas... Heureusement que ce forum existe.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

@kazed, thank you for the compliment, which I appreciate very much Let's see what I can add to the good advice from @Baseball65.

sois honnête avec toi même en toute circonstance.

Translated to English: "be honest with yourself in all circumstances."

@lili2002 is absolutely correct about this. When I was doing the Structured Educational Program way back in 2011, I discovered that during the exercises which ask us to list memories of childhood stress, my brain kept telling me "No, don't write THAT down - it's too embarassing/shameful" or "No, you can skip THAT - it's not important, you don't need to look at it".

My brain was lying to me. These were things that IT did not want me to look at, because of shame, embarassment, and sometimes even guilt, or perhaps because they were too painful, and brought up feelings of isolation or abandonment.

The interesting thing is that I actually had a very good childhood. There was a little bit of isolation between the age of about 4 to maybe 9 years, because my parents had three more children after me, and they left me on my own quite a lot - after I had them all to myself for the first two years after I was born! But that's the most serious thing that happened to me. Everything else that my brain was trying to avoid was from very normal childhood and family experiences and interactions that affect all of us when we are young.

I fought back against my fearful brain, I fought back against the embarassment and vulnerability I felt just thinking about these things, and I wrote about them anyway. And... I discovered some really interesting ways in which I developed anxieties and fears that have affected me all my life. None of it was what we would call "earth-shattering" (I don't know if that will translate to French). But discovering these things was very freeing, and it was an important part of my recovery.

You might need the structure of a program - which of course is exactly the name of our free program: The Structured Educational Program (the SEP, for short). It's only in English, but I think most of it will translate. I'll also tell you a secret - I did not do the entire 42 days. But at age 60, I probably already had a lot more exposure to the concepts than someone much younger, so I "got it" pretty quickly. I was also doing other things - for example, reading Hope and Help For Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes, to get my anxiety under control (I'll bet that's available in French). And there was an audio program called "Meditations to Change Your Brain" which was an awesome educational resource to learn about why our brains are wired to be negative, and what to do about it.

All the best to you!

 

[lili2002]

@kazed, merci pour le compliment que j'apprécie beaucoup. Voyons ce que je peux ajouter aux bons conseils de [ USER=5773]@Baseball65[/USER].


Traduit en anglais : « soyez honnête avec vous-même en toutes circonstances ».

@lili2002 a tout à fait raison à ce sujet. Lorsque je suivais le programme éducatif structuré en 2011, j'ai découvert que pendant les exercices qui nous demandaient de lister les souvenirs de stress de l'enfance, mon cerveau n'arrêtait pas de me dire "Non, n'écris pas CELA, c'est trop embarrassant/honteux". ou "Non, vous pouvez sauter CELA - ce n'est pas important, vous n'avez pas besoin de le regarder".

Mon cerveau me mentait. C'étaient des choses que l'informatique ne voulait pas que je regarde, à cause de la honte, de l'embarras et parfois même de la culpabilité, ou peut-être parce qu'elles étaient trop douloureuses et suscitaient un sentiment d'isolement ou d'abandon.

Ce qui est intéressant, c’est que j’ai eu une très bonne enfance. Il y avait un peu d'isolement entre l'âge de 4 ans et peut-être 9 ans, parce que mes parents avaient trois autres enfants après moi, et ils m'ont souvent laissé seul - après que je les ai eu tous pour moi pendant les deux premiers. des années après ma naissance ! Mais c'est la chose la plus grave qui me soit arrivée. Tout ce que mon cerveau essayait d'éviter provenait d'expériences et d'interactions très normales dans l'enfance et la famille qui nous affectent tous lorsque nous sommes jeunes.

J'ai lutté contre mon cerveau craintif, j'ai lutté contre l'embarras et la vulnérabilité que je ressentais rien qu'en pensant à ces choses, et j'ai quand même écrit à ce sujet. Et... J'ai découvert des façons vraiment intéressantes de développer des angoisses et des peurs qui m'ont affecté toute ma vie. Rien de tout cela n’était ce que nous appellerions « bouleversant » (je ne sais pas si cela se traduira en français). Mais découvrir ces choses a été très libérateur et cela a été une partie importante de mon rétablissement.

Vous aurez peut-être besoin de la structure d'un programme - ce qui est bien sûr exactement le nom de notre programme gratuit : le programme éducatif structuré (le SEP, en abrégé). C'est uniquement en anglais, mais je pense que la majeure partie sera traduite. Je vais aussi vous dire un secret : je n'ai pas fait les 42 jours entiers. Mais à 60 ans, j'étais probablement déjà beaucoup plus exposé à ces concepts que quelqu'un de beaucoup plus jeune, donc j'ai « compris » assez rapidement. Je faisais aussi d'autres choses - par exemple, lire Hope and Help For Your Nerves , de Claire Weekes, pour maîtriser mon anxiété (je parie que c'est disponible en français). Et il y avait un programme audio appelé « Méditations pour changer votre cerveau » qui était une formidable ressource éducative pour apprendre pourquoi notre cerveau est programmé pour être négatif et comment y remédier.

Bonne chance à vous !

 

[lili2002]

J'adorerais que ce soit publié en français! Je galère en ce moment même à toutes comprendre les subtilités !

 

[kazed]

Good morning,
Thanks for your answers.
It’s been more than 2 months since I started the Sarno method. I think I practice the method correctly and have become a TMS expert.
My condition has only worsened. The pain has spread throughout the muscles of my body and is now accompanied by spasm. I can hardly use my arms and must lie on my back from morning to evening.
I know what’s going on, my brain just wants to keep me from thinking about my pent-up rage, and is putting more pressure on me to do that. Thinking is my only weapon and I must continue, I have no choice.
I try not to be afraid and trust the process, but this leap into the unknown is quite scary.
If you have advice on what seems normal in the process, that would reassure me. I need to be reassured.
Thanks

 

[Diana-M]

The point I am getting to is: Make a list of stuff in your life that you are totally OK with...When you find what you're really pissed about in THAT list? Then your pain will go away...and sometimes its stuff we can't do anything about and that sucks

You mention this often, and I’m starting to believe you on this. But what Can you do about the stuff you can’t change?

 

[Diana-M]

@kazed — so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Are you able to do any of the courses on this wiki?

 

[Cactusflower]

Dan B. says that thinking about your rage repeatedly only serves to reinforce the subconscious notion that you're in danger.

It also represses the true source of your rage. It’s much more emotionally safe to be angry at current symptoms than to be vulnerable about the true source of your rage (which in many cases you really just need to acknowledge is justified and ok to feel).

You mention this often, and I’m starting to believe you on this. But what Can you do about the stuff you can’t change?

What are you doing that is actually changing the stuff you can't change? Think about it?
Worrying?
Obsessing?
Letting it depress you?
Anxiety?
Stress?

How is any of those things changing what you can't control?
What are those things doing to you, and to your body?

What can you do? Use the methods that the wonderful Claire Weekes offered us! FLOAT - when the thoughts come up, let them float on by. They are THOUGHTS! They don't do anything. They don't change anything. Let them go.
What can you think about that is USEFUL? This is sometimes where meditation can come into play, or prayer, or singing a song out to the world, or sitting in nature or WHATEVER become useful - simply send out your good vibes, prayers and love into the world. That is a positive thing you can do. Does it control anything you can't control - no. Does it control anything you can control: YES! It changes your attitude, your mindset, opens the doors to creativity and possibilities and it is there that you may actually find alternatives to things you can't control.
This might sound like voodoo, but it absolutely works.
I'm living proof.
I'm still in pain, yet I am not suffering. HUGE difference.

 

[Diana-M]

[QUOTE="Cactusflower, post: 146118, member:
This might sound like voodoo, but it absolutely works.
I'm living proof.
I'm still in pain, yet I am not suffering. HUGE difference.[/QUOTE]

Beautiful! Thank you, @Cactusflower. No, It’s not voodoo. Very inspiring.

 

[TG957]

It also represses the true source of your rage. It’s much more emotionally safe to be angry at current symptoms than to be vulnerable about the true source of your rage (which in many cases you really just need to acknowledge is justified and ok to feel).


What are you doing that is actually changing the stuff you can't change? Think about it?
Worrying?
Obsessing?
Letting it depress you?
Anxiety?
Stress?

How is any of those things changing what you can't control?
What are those things doing to you, and to your body?

What can you do? Use the methods that the wonderful Claire Weekes offered us! FLOAT - when the thoughts come up, let them float on by. They are THOUGHTS! They don't do anything. They don't change anything. Let them go.
What can you think about that is USEFUL? This is sometimes where meditation can come into play, or prayer, or singing a song out to the world, or sitting in nature or WHATEVER become useful - simply send out your good vibes, prayers and love into the world. That is a positive thing you can do. Does it control anything you can't control - no. Does it control anything you can control: YES! It changes your attitude, your mindset, opens the doors to creativity and possibilities and it is there that you may actually find alternatives to things you can't control.
This might sound like voodoo, but it absolutely works.
I'm living proof.
I'm still in pain, yet I am not suffering. HUGE difference.

The entire post by @Cactusflower is brilliant, it sums up the essence of mindfulness. In addition, I would like to offer the recommendation from the Buddhist literature on what to do with the negative thoughts: acknowledge the thoughts, offer them a cup of tea and seat them in the far corner of your mind. I used this many times, and it always impressed me how the mental image of the cup of tea helped me to contain the racing mind.

 

[Diana-M]

The entire post by @Cactusflower is brilliant, it sums up the essence of mindfulness. In addition, I would like to offer the recommendation from the Buddhist literature on what to do with the negative thoughts: acknowledge the thoughts, offer them a cup of tea and seat them in the far corner of your mind. I used this many times, and it always impressed me how the mental image of the cup of tea helped me to contain the racing mind.

Ha! I like this!

 

[Booble]

Keep reading the book...over and over. Make lists of things you identify with...
We don't know our unconscious rages because they are 'repressed'(the words are sort of interchangeable) ...in fact , if you know about them those are you're 'perceived emotions' that Sarno explained better in 'Mindbody Prescription' than in 'Healing back Pain' which was and is my favorite text.
...In my experience those are seldom the reason for my pain. In fact, if they were I would have never been in pain because I walked around angry a LOT of the time. Some of my friends in the worst pain are cussing spitting fireballs of rage...

The perceived emotions are like the portion of an iceberg you can see, and like an iceberg, it's the part you can't see that's sinking your boat.
I don't know which book you read, But Sarno discussed this... I thought it too...but it wasn't true. My Marriage that was 'fine' was a problem. (existential terror about losing my family particularly my sons) My Job was fine..I was good at it and I liked it... but it was the problem (.. I loathed it and I worked for Satan himself and couldn't give a rats ass if the place burned to the ground) I was happy with my lot in life..that was the problem too (. I wanted to play baseball and Play music but my wifes constant needs meant I spent all day at a job I couldn't f-ing stand)

The point I am getting to is: Make a list of stuff in your life that you are totally OK with...When you find what you're really pissed about in THAT list? Then your pain will go away...and sometimes its stuff we can't do anything about and that sucks

peace

BTW.. that IS a good strategy to use when you catch yourself focusing on the symptoms, but it has to be part of a multi-pronged strategy

This is a pretty brilliant post, B-ball.