I've always blamed myself for acting agressively towards my siblings (hitting and yelling) when I was a teen. Today during my journal exercise I realized I've acted that way because that's how I was taught to act by my parents. They often yelled at eachother during fights and threw things trough the room while we were there. They could be extremely mean to eachother. And when I acted out because I couldn't control my rage they (of course) punished me for it. Had I seen this in a tv show I would have said of course that girl is acting that way, she is copying her parents.... But in my own life it took me getting to the age of 30 before realizing this. When I grew up I learned to surpress my anger. I hadn't screamed in years... which might be part of the reason I've been in so much pain for years. Today I actually screamed when I felt anger about this, surprised myself. But it feels good to finally acknowledge my feelings about this. I wasn't a disfunctional kid, I actually used to think there was something wrong with me because I used to get so incredibly mad back then, now I know my tank was just overflowing... I won't judge myself for those moments anymore, I understand now.