Anger

[dave22222]

I've been quite successful with my TMS. In that most of my symptoms are gone. The one thing it has made me very aware of though is my anger. Although I don't have the physical problems, the anger is some thing I would like to address as I feel that when I am depressed it feels like a lot of unprocessed emotion mostly anger.

From what I can gather this is where it comes from:

Growing up I found life quite hard through my teenage years I was a late developer and couldn't go to pubs like every one else so stayed at home and didn't have many friends or girl friend I was also incredibly shy so found making new friends hard. I think my anger started here. I resented the NOW as I thought I should be doing what I wanted to do. I started to hate myself. I also hated any traces of myself that I saw in other people and never allowed myself to be happy I think that is where tension built in me. I was always living for tomorrow hoping things would be better never accepting where I was.

These days my life would appear to be good. I have a nice girlfriend , friends etc... However I find my girlfriend to be a source of anger. I think I thought that when I attained x y z I would be happy and I think I resent her for not making me happy. It's difficult to describe but I thought writing about it might help...

thank you in advance,
Dave

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Dave. At least you believe anger is the main cause of your TMS, and from your posting about your teen years
it's understandable. I too was shy about dating so I didn't date until college. Even then, I didn't date much.
College friends were falling in love and planning to marry right after graduation.

I stayed single and am 83 now and never regretted it. I came close to being engaged to four different girls
over the years, but it was never either right for me or them.

I asked my godmother once, when I was about 40, how she knew she was in love and wanted to marry the man.
She said, "I used to shop at a grocery store and began to like the butcher. I knew I was in love with him when
one day I came into the store and wanted to dance on top of his meat counter."

She married the butcher and they were happy together. I never felt like dancing on anygirl's desk or table.

As for your girlfriend not making you happy, maybe (forgive me for suggesting it) but maybe you really
aren't in love with her. And also, I'm not sure you should resent her for not making you happy.
I think we have to be happy with ourselves and in ourselves, then the other person may find we make them happy
and they can then make us happy.

Good luck in continuing to heal and in your search for a girlfriend that makes you happy.
Maybe look for a grocery store with a female butcher. haha

 

[Lily Rose]

I would like to concur with Walt, that your girlfriend cannot make you happy. There is also the misconception about happiness itself. It is not necessarily something to be attained, but rather something that just is. It is a by-product of how we are living our lives. When we focus on our lack of happiness, we drag ourselves further from it. Happiness comes in moments. It comes when we are aware of life around us, when we see a sudden smile, or the sun coming through the predicted rain, or the dog throwing herself on her back with her tail wagging, or ...... you fill in the rest. These moments are internal, and with them comes a deeper breath, which helps clear debris and toxins from our bodies, which makes us feel cleaner, which opens our eyes and heart, which allows more awareness .... do you see the cycle?

We have to take responsibility for our own feelings and our own actions and our own choices. Depending on someone else to fill those voids inside will simply not work. Those are your voids to fill.

What is really making you angry?

Sometimes I look back and sigh softly with the whisper of what if. What if things had been different. What if I had made different choices. What if .... it echoes, but echoes do fade. I consider, would I really make any changes? Would I change the very things that have made me so strong now? My pain is how I empathize with others. It reminds me, it gentles me, and it urges me to share every coping and healing tool that I have. We cannot change the past. But we can certainly make deliberate choices on how we live from this moment on.

What kind of person do you really want to be? What choices can you make from this moment on that will help you get there? Being on this forum is certainly a positive choice. There are so many wise voices here. Seek, gather your tools, consider your path ... and be open to modifying your path as you go along. Things change, and you certainly will change, so do not lock yourself in a rigid choice. Be flexible.

Mostly, be with an open heart.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Yes, Lily Rose, others can give us pleasure and even joy but happiness is something else.

My favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, said "When you reach forty, even friends can't save you."

I want to post something else about happiness but have to close this and look for it, then post it
in a few minutes. It's from my new book CHRISTMAS WITH THE FAMOUS.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Here it is...

Christmas with Dom DeLuise (1933-2009), entertainer, author


Don DeLuise, born in Brooklyn, New York in 1933, he became a movie and television comedian and author of popular cookbooks. In 1992 he recalled his most memorable Christmas:

“Christmas is at best a busy time for everyone, and even though we try to remember to keep the Christ in Christmas, very often we are overwhelmed with Santa Claus’s tinsel and Aunt Sophie’s scarf.

“One Christmas about fifteen years ago, I was over-Christmased; rushing, shopping, and wrapping when I should’ve been snoozing, napping, and counting my blessings. In an unguarded moment, Michael, my seven-year-old son, came up to me and asked, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

“Thoughtlessly and rashly I responded to my impressionable child, ‘Happiness, and you can’t give it to me!’

“My wife Carol looked to the ceiling and said, ‘Oh, Dom.’

“Three hurried days later it was Christmas morning, and I found myself opening a very light present wrapped oh so carefully by Michael, who handed it to me with a big smile.

“I opened the box, and inside I discovered a piece of cardboard upon which Michael had written with a bright red crayon the word HAPPINESS in big, bold letters.

“Michael said, ‘See, Dad, I can give you happiness.’

“Ever since that Christmas, Santa Claus’s tinsel and Aunt Sophie’s scarf have never gotten in the way of my seeing the Christ in Christmas.”

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Dave, try not to let anger be so important to you. Forgive whoever or whatever makes you angry.
It's one of the teachings of He who was born on this day.

 

[Ruth_L]

These days my life would appear to be good. I have a nice girlfriend , friends etc... However I find my girlfriend to be a source of anger. I think I thought that when I attained x y z I would be happy and I think I resent her for not making me happy. It's difficult to describe but I thought writing about it might help...

Interesting post. If she's not bipolar/depressive/nutjob/user/cray cray then she's worth keeping imho. That is JMHO, because the next one you hook up with could be.

For a comedic reference google "Bill Burr Yoko Ono" & click the video...

But I digress...from the comedic to the "anger" issue. Whoa, yes I completely AGREE with you, come to the SEP(Structured Educational Program) sub-forum here and see the diaries there, and the Parts subforum here.

I have written a lot about anger & how it affects me in the SEP, in fact one post must have been so hot with anger no one commented on it.

At any rate, that anger stuff is probably why we TMS, at least Dr. Sarno & the doctors who studied with him all say this, and RAGE, and yep, I have it. But, OTOH, I just want you to know, I am healing.

TGC!