Day 34 Anger

[Steef177]

I had trouble reaching this site again, so it's been a couple of days.

Over the last few days I’ve really seen how my personality traits and current stress feed directly into my symptoms. When my days get too full of obligations, expectations, and musts, I push past my limits without noticing. I try to do things well for others, keep everything running, and still expect myself to stay calm and creative. That doesn’t work.

I noticed that after a very busy day, even small things can tip me over the edge. I become frustrated, angry, and tense, especially when something that was supposed to be relaxing or meaningful doesn’t work out. (fucking watercolor, looking at you) That inner pressure builds up and shows up physically as pain and agitation.

What’s becoming clearer is that it’s not the events themselves that cause my symptoms, but the way I load everything with responsibility and perfectionism. Nothing today really helps because I'm mad as hell, but I guess these days are part of the process as well.

 

[Ellen]

(fucking watercolor, looking at you)

I can relate to this. I think most people in the art world agree that watercolor is the hardest art to create well. It requires being loose, fast and in the moment and that doesn't fit the TMS perfectionist personality. I switched to pastel where I have more control and can erase things or mark over them if needed. But I get out the watercolors from time to time and hope I can let go and just create and not be attached to the outcome.

 

[Steef177]

I can relate to this. I think most people in the art world agree that watercolor is the hardest art to create well. It requires being loose, fast and in the moment and that doesn't fit the TMS perfectionist personality. I switched to pastel where I have more control and can erase things or mark over them if needed. But I get out the watercolors from time to time and hope I can let go and just create and not be attached to the outcome.

Thanks for your reply, I haven't thought about it that way

 

[Diana-M]

What’s becoming clearer is that it’s not the events themselves that cause my symptoms, but the way I load everything with responsibility and perfectionism.

So true! And what’s even trickier is we don’t realize we do this to ourselves!

 

[Ellen]

So true! And what’s even trickier is we don’t realize we do this to ourselves!

That's the kind of dysfunctional thinking patterns we uncover by "doing the work".