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Anger...it’s always bloody anger!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Huckleberry, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. Huckleberry

    Huckleberry Well known member

    Does anyone else feel that they are basically living with a daily cloud of anger hanging over their heads? I understand the connection between stress illness and anger and know how it co-exists and feeds into TMS.

    I think if it isn’t natural for someone in chronic pain to be angry then it is certainly understandable to a point however for me it feels far more encompassing. Whilst I find I’m pretty constantly irritable and ansty it seems I have a far deeper well of loathing, hate and anger to draw upon. I think being in pain does sometime place me in that victim role that generates anger in itself but it’s also like anger has become a self sabotaging behaviour that enables me to withdraw from the usual humdrum banalities of life that goes on around me...it’s almost like the concept of nausea that Sartre put forward.

    As weird as it seems I think some of this comes from a place of taking both myself and life far too seriously. I think anger can only exist when there is a strong ego rage taking place and at least for me this seems to be the case and it’s because I place my wants, needs and desires above everything else. Rage and anger will always follow if these are unfulfilled, negated or denied.

    Any thoughts on anger and how this may apply?
  2. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I once knew a spiritual teacher who called seriousness a disease of the ego. I found TMS raged when I took a precious approach to life (my needs, wants and desires) and calmed dramatically once I recovered my sense of humour.

    There seems to be a tendency to indulge in anger (and other negative emotions) because we mistakenly believe this is experiencing them. Sarno himself cautioned against this saying he never intended for people to stomp around the place being so angry. This is the classic over-intellectualisation. It's just another form of repression.

    Anger is also a relief from fear and we know fear to be the juice of TMS. Fear, anger, sorrow...all phases of letting go on the way to healing. This has been my experience. At some point you simply let it all go and move on.
    Balsa11 and Durga like this.
  3. Huckleberry

    Huckleberry Well known member

    Thanks for the reply Plum. :)

    I think there is also an element of habit at play...it’s like the go to default response to pretty much everything for me. It’s got to the point that almost any action or comment made to me is interpreted negatively and then the anger kicks in. I’m trying to avoid reading self help books st the moment but somebody did mention The Chimp Paradox to me which I’ll probably check out. I’m sure you know but the theory here is that we have to reign in out chaotic and emotional responses...not deny them but accept them as only one part of us that needn’t control us. I think that’s how I’m acting/feeling like I’m governed totally by my emotions or should I say emotion...namely anger.
    Balsa11 likes this.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Huckleberry,

    I think it is important to observe this, and allow this insight/question/inquiry without interfering by trying to make yourself "not angry." To me, your words show great self-observation. It is as if the conditions you tend to live in are becoming more clear, and therefore you are becoming less identified with these conditions. Your comment about seriousness really strikes me. In my life, I feel this as seriousness and heaviness.

    In my life I realize I want things to go a certain way, and then there is often anger because by my measure, they often don't. It is like a raging baby inside who has rigid expectations, and who is then threatened when x,y or z doesn't happen according to its imagined outcome. Like the world/God/Mommy is not looking after me. There is also rage at the fact it seems to take so much effort to make things work out. Trying to bend the world to "attune" to my needs is exhausting, pressurizing, and enraging.

    I am seeing more and more that my self-identities are threatened when the hoped for outcome does not happen (like with your pain, for instance), and survival fears arise, and rage. There is a perception by the child inside of lack of support from the outside environment. Further, other times the conditions/outcomes don't support a preferred self-image like "having my act together" and there is a lot of superego activity which creates pressure and rage. All this leads to a deep "seriousness" in the ego, where so many things are potentially threatening and or enraging, and need to be "controlled." And where the perception is that "things are happening to me." So I completely agree with your observations.

    Another thing your post stimulates me to say is that I don't think the anger is so important for TMS, as much as it is our reactions to our anger, such as feeling guilty, shameful, or wrong for it. I just finished the book Hidden From View by Schubiner and Abbass, in which Abbass explains his theory that most TMS is caused by "guilt about rage" (rage and guilt relating to the parent figure).

    I can make myself wrong for my reactions to the world, or I can see my reactions and fears, and allow them to lighten up through my friendly observation and comfort. If I push myself to "Not be angry" this is only enraging or "emasculating" by not allowing me to be me.

    Good luck in your own work with this! I think you're in touch with what most people are experiencing, but are not aware of. For that child in us, there is a lot to be enraged about!

    Andy B
    Balsa11 likes this.
  5. Huckleberry

    Huckleberry Well known member

    Thanks for the reply Andy...some food for thought there.

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