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An Incubator

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by NIClubber, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    Apparently, I was born prematurely and was in an incubator for some of the first five weeks. I told this to my therapist and she said this would be something major.

    Does anyone agree, and would you think this might be one of the reasons why both my parents were so controlling of me during my life??

    If it is something I should write about, what emotions should I mention, as I don't have a clue?
     
  2. David88

    David88 Well known member

    I don't know why the incubator would be important. You might ask your therapist what she's thinking.

    But being raised by controlling parents (whatever their reason) could be a source of unconscious rage. I would try writing about that.
     
  3. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    I have written about that and other things similar to it, and it has not done anything to reduce the pain.
     
  4. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    My two cents: Many therapists and child/baby specialists say those first few weeks are monumentally important to bonding with the mother. Supposedly a non-bonding situation, like being in an incubator, causes the baby to have its first emotions be fear because of abandonment and some say rage.

    I've had to look at this for myself as I wasn't with my mother in my first weeks of life either because my sisters had chicken pox at home.

    I've had life long guilt about my "lack of" feeling a bond with my parents, but this probably explains why.
    Do you think any of your pain has to do with guilt about a LACK of bonding / feeling for your parents? Just a thought. I think some of mine does.
     
  5. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    I have had more (temporary) reductions in pain due to talking about the problems between my best friend and I over the last 10-12 years. I have had a massive increase in the intensity of pain over the last 36 hours and I thought it might be a response to the fact that my dad would have been 72 today (he died after a short battle with cancer nearly 18 months ago). However, over the last 36 hours I also sent a text to my best friend being angry as he had never told me how desperately unhappy he is in his marriage at the moment and how hard his life is.

    I can certainly understand why my therapist would say that the fact I was in an incubator for most of the first 4-5 weeks of my life would be important, but I have not had any reduction in pain (or any other of the random symptoms) by talking about that part of my life. Not that I recall much of my life as it was all too horrible for me and nobody seemed to care about me - not even my parents or my brother.
     
  6. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sorry for your increase in pain. Oddly, I too, have had an increase in the last 24 hours. Sucks. Being angry and fearful always jacks mine up a notch. Can you do at least one thing you like to do today or tonight? I'm going to. Don't give in or give up. Care enough about yourself to keep processing the emotions. It's exhausting, I know. But, if the end of pain is at the other end, worth it.
     
  7. NIClubber

    NIClubber Peer Supporter

    A lot of my temporary reductions have come from talking about guilt, so maybe I write more about that ..... Worth a try, I guess.
     
  8. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, NIClubber.

    I would be careful of anything anyone tells you about the later health of incubator babies, but you might find this web site of interest:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neonatal_intensive_care_unit (Neonatal intensive care unit - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

    If I were you, I would not worry about being an incubator baby. Your parents being so protective was most likely for your own good, because of their extra concern for your health. Maybe try to forgive them for that. They probably meant well.
     
  9. simkelyte

    simkelyte Newcomer

    Incubator in this situation is not guilty...
     

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