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An evaluation of my condition

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Pietro Carloni, Oct 12, 2018.

  1. miquelb3

    miquelb3 Well known member

    I am not an expert... but I presume that in order to get that "inner armistice" you should allow more room for your inner child needs. All methaphoric, of course.
    That dumb, lazy, stupid, fearful, coward, primitive, irrational half of our mind should be a little less repressed, just a little bit.
    We think our granitic, monolithic, idealistic, "perfect" adult self-image will be eroded with that "peace treaty" and we will prefer an absolute defeat of our "dark side" (our shadow) but that supposed "absolute victory", by means of unconscious repression, leads to TMS pain. And after all... who matters if we are a little less perfect, a little less judgemental, a little less arrogant, a little less responsible,.... but a little more "human", authentic, weak, vulnerable..... and tolerant with our capricious and irritable inner child?

    Hope that helps !
  2. BloodMoon

    BloodMoon Well known member

    It sounds horrendous to have had a 'dark night of the soul' like that...but I'd willingly go through such pain to get my life back. However, I guess that kind of thing is a spontaneous happening and one can't deliberately trigger it.
    I think that my inner child is probably mostly stuck in the 'terrible 2s' tantrum-throwing stage of a kid's life and my adult self it terrified of letting it loose.
    Your mentioning of being a 'little less responsible' particularly 'sings' to me...I'll start small and see what happens.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
  3. miquelb3

    miquelb3 Well known member

    Thanks BloodMoon !
    Yes, my 'dark night of the soul' was awful. I was terrified and feeling I was dying: absolute confusion and agony. But in the next very morning I got out of that emotional tunnel .... and the physical pain had oviously lessened!! Weird and scaring.

    Take care !
    BloodMoon likes this.
  4. miquelb3

    miquelb3 Well known member

    As responsible and perfectionist adults we are prone to feel shame and guilt if our inner child overcomes just a little our ferocious repression.
    We tend to think the others will consider us immature and childish.
    But the risk of letting our inner child get a little out worths the effort.
    BloodMoon likes this.
  5. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Thanks miquelb3! I like your metaphor of the granitic adult selv image. This kind of self is basically dead - a stone. The difference between living and dead creatures is that living are able to interact with their environment and can change. I will see how I give the inner child some more room. One way is to admit so-called childish feelings.
    And there is another aspect to it: how to be a real mature adult? I found out that this is what I am lacking: mature guidance. This also involves self-discipline, but not the one that just represses the inner child.
    Pietro@ there you have the anger! It seems to me that there also must something else, not only the fact that your nephew came more or less unwanted into your family. Narcistic humiliation is a very powerful feeling and also very human. However, you seem to feel so much guilt over your feelings at that time that you don't allow yourself to be happy with your own family. I always try to think in situation where I am stuck what I would need to get out of the situation - not that I am always successful ---
    Pietro Carloni likes this.
  6. Pietro Carloni

    Pietro Carloni Peer Supporter

    And in the meantime I relapsed.
    I focus on anger and I understand that in my case it always anticipates my symptoms. I'm sorry for the delay in the answer, but I promised myself that when I have no symptoms (or at least when I can distract from the symptoms) I try to get away from the wiki to try to walk with my legs, to try to live life away thinking from pain.

    That said, these were difficult weeks, my little one on November 16th is one year old and we are really tired of not being able to find a moment of peace to devote to ourselves. I think this is frustrating, I believe that my inner child has difficulty accepting the situation and constantly rebels against the responsibilities that must be assumed. And so I see that I move away from what I have built in these long months of commitment, the mind wobbles in the face of fears and the anxiety of not being able to what is necessary assails me and immobilizes me.

    The result is that Thursday I spent a really heavy day and from Friday here I see lumbar pains, groin pains, gastric problems. I try to calm down, but it is difficult, also because the mind tries to persuade me that this time the symptoms are due to a structural problem, but basically I know it is not so. I pray, I despair, sink into fear. The only thing I can do is wait and hope. The force will come back and I want to get out of all this stronger and with more courage.

    Thank you all for the comparison, if there was not this resource, I would spend my time to query google about the possible solutions to these symptoms so heterogeneous.

    A hug and a good start of the week. Stay Rock
  7. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Pietro, well that’s how the cookie crumbles. I am also in the middle of a relapse and have not really a clue what to do. Or, let’s say I try to muddle through. And I know all too well this little voice that tells you: what if it structural anyway? In my case it would be a disease they only diagnose in the absence of all pathological signs - a medical absurdity, a diagnosis by exclusion without real treatment options. But we both know: it is not structural!
    You, we both need maybe to tell ourselves that we can have a good life!
    You seem to be very angry about the children and how they affect your life. Children can be exhausting, yes. You have a special history with your cousin. That might play a role. However, I think there is also something else, maybe not related to your children?
    Hugs and energy!
    Pietro Carloni likes this.
  8. Pietro Carloni

    Pietro Carloni Peer Supporter

    My dear,
    At this point the question seems to always be the same: the mind tries to convince us at all costs to distract us from what we are experiencing, perhaps because there are things that we can not face without losing our serenity.

    So we end up with finding ourselves in the worry of this pain that at any moment could become unbearable.

    What happened to you in the last days? What worries you more than anything? what do you feel?
    These are the questions I try to ask myself, to which I can not find answers, but only pain and fear

    In these moments I realize that the mind always recovers unpleasant memories, letting flow scary and distressing images. Then I understand that it is time to make an effort, to find the courage to see that among of negative experiences there are also positive ones hidden from our gaze, and from these one we must leave to resume our journey.

    Thanks for your answer. I am close to you.
    A hug
  9. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Take courage, yes, most important!
    Take care! Hugs!
    Pietro Carloni likes this.

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