Hello TMSers, first time poster and I could really use the community's help to get back on track. I'll try to make the background as short as I can.
Lifetime of minor health issues (eczema, infections, asthma, etc...), but as an adult developed RSI, TMJ, plantar fascitis, with the normal ebbs and flows. Lots of physio, meds, imaging, etc... You guys all know how it goes. Then about 10 years ago after I got golfer's elbow (tendonitis) that just would not go away. Took 2 surgeries to clear things up after many aggravating physio and specialist consults. In the meantime, I was diagnosed with an inguinal hernia. So, three surgeries in about 6 months. Hernia recovery was going well, until one day it wasn't. Unbelievable nerve type pain that was off the charts and unrelenting. This was about 7 years ago. Life has been mostly hell since then, unable to work or have any kind of normal life. Then, all of the other stuff got piled on top, neck pain, back pain, knee pain, then eventually elbow and wrist pain so bad that I couldn't even cut my own food!
So, of course I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments and devices. Right? Finally, about 4 months ago a massage therapist (who actually does Neuro kinetic work rather than massage) told me about Dr Sarno and TMS. At first, of course, it sounded ridiculous. However, I read one paragraph and new instantly that this was me. I always knew that I must have some kind of overarching health problem, which I thought had to be inflammation related. Well, as we all know, it's Tension as in TMS. Within 2 months I read Sarno, Ozanich and Sachs and basically all of my pain was like 95% gone. Reflected on childhood and personality, really scary stuff but necessary. I went golfing and started doing fairly rigorous exercise, going to restaurants and movies. A miracle!!
Then about a month ago because I was feeling so great, I agreed to help my wife's cousin move... here we go. Me and his buddy picked up a cardboard box off the truck, and oh my it was the heaviest thing I ever lifted in my life. Turns out, it was a big safe still in the box! After struggling for about a minute we put it down and then the pain (and anxiety) rushed through my body especially in the hernia area and hip flexors. Anyway, took it easy for a couple of weeks, saw my doctor, had an ultrasound to confirm no recurrence of the hernia.
Here's the thing though. I had made arrangements to go back to work after an 18 month absence the following Wednesday, but because of this relapse I had to cancel those plans AGAIN. It seems that every time I feel well enough to attempt a return to work, my brain goes into overthinking mode and the fear exacerbates the pain. It used to be that way for social events too, but those are fun so I haven't had to cancel anything lately. Then this week, after recovering from most of the pain, I pushed myself hard enough to satisfy myself that I could sit, stand and walk long enough to put in a few hours a day at work. All systems go! I called my boss on Wednesday to discuss coming back to work and like clockwork within a few hours my pain got out of control again. This is literally all I can think about day and night. I tried journaling for the first time, but so far my brain is not willing to let it go. For clarification, I like my job and the people there. They have been super supportive throughout all of this. I am just afraid to let them (and myself) down again.
Anyway, I'll stop it there for now. Any comments appreciated. I see a lot of similar experiences out there and they are really helpful. I'm just hoping that sharing my story and my pain provides me with some therapy. I'm a serial "represser" trying to open up!
Thanks,
GX
Lifetime of minor health issues (eczema, infections, asthma, etc...), but as an adult developed RSI, TMJ, plantar fascitis, with the normal ebbs and flows. Lots of physio, meds, imaging, etc... You guys all know how it goes. Then about 10 years ago after I got golfer's elbow (tendonitis) that just would not go away. Took 2 surgeries to clear things up after many aggravating physio and specialist consults. In the meantime, I was diagnosed with an inguinal hernia. So, three surgeries in about 6 months. Hernia recovery was going well, until one day it wasn't. Unbelievable nerve type pain that was off the charts and unrelenting. This was about 7 years ago. Life has been mostly hell since then, unable to work or have any kind of normal life. Then, all of the other stuff got piled on top, neck pain, back pain, knee pain, then eventually elbow and wrist pain so bad that I couldn't even cut my own food!
So, of course I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments and devices. Right? Finally, about 4 months ago a massage therapist (who actually does Neuro kinetic work rather than massage) told me about Dr Sarno and TMS. At first, of course, it sounded ridiculous. However, I read one paragraph and new instantly that this was me. I always knew that I must have some kind of overarching health problem, which I thought had to be inflammation related. Well, as we all know, it's Tension as in TMS. Within 2 months I read Sarno, Ozanich and Sachs and basically all of my pain was like 95% gone. Reflected on childhood and personality, really scary stuff but necessary. I went golfing and started doing fairly rigorous exercise, going to restaurants and movies. A miracle!!
Then about a month ago because I was feeling so great, I agreed to help my wife's cousin move... here we go. Me and his buddy picked up a cardboard box off the truck, and oh my it was the heaviest thing I ever lifted in my life. Turns out, it was a big safe still in the box! After struggling for about a minute we put it down and then the pain (and anxiety) rushed through my body especially in the hernia area and hip flexors. Anyway, took it easy for a couple of weeks, saw my doctor, had an ultrasound to confirm no recurrence of the hernia.
Here's the thing though. I had made arrangements to go back to work after an 18 month absence the following Wednesday, but because of this relapse I had to cancel those plans AGAIN. It seems that every time I feel well enough to attempt a return to work, my brain goes into overthinking mode and the fear exacerbates the pain. It used to be that way for social events too, but those are fun so I haven't had to cancel anything lately. Then this week, after recovering from most of the pain, I pushed myself hard enough to satisfy myself that I could sit, stand and walk long enough to put in a few hours a day at work. All systems go! I called my boss on Wednesday to discuss coming back to work and like clockwork within a few hours my pain got out of control again. This is literally all I can think about day and night. I tried journaling for the first time, but so far my brain is not willing to let it go. For clarification, I like my job and the people there. They have been super supportive throughout all of this. I am just afraid to let them (and myself) down again.
Anyway, I'll stop it there for now. Any comments appreciated. I see a lot of similar experiences out there and they are really helpful. I'm just hoping that sharing my story and my pain provides me with some therapy. I'm a serial "represser" trying to open up!
Thanks,
GX
