Rubynea
New Member
Everything I have learned about TMS resonates deeply with my own experience.
Over the past three weeks, I have not only been learning what TMS means, but also exploring different ways of working with it and relating to it. I have started this program – and even in this relatively short period, I have already discovered so much about myself. One of the biggest realizations has been seeing the amount of discipline, pressure, and harshness I have carried toward myself. I have noticed this inner force that constantly pushes me to tackle things, work through them, and keep going – often without truly considering my body or my own needs.
The past months have been challenging. First, my left hand, and just one week ago, my right hand, had to undergo surgery. Thankfully, both hands are doing much better now, and I am slowly beginning to write again. What I find challenging is learning to move through this program without my familiar inner pressure – and also doing it mostly on my own. On Day 0, I told my husband that my plan was to complete the program within 21 days. Typically me.
Things turned out differently. Now, ten days have passed since Day 6. Inside me, so much has started to move. So many different emotions have surfaced. So many images have appeared. Alongside all of this came the kind of migraine I have known since childhood. But this time, something was different. I did not allow this seemingly foreign power to take hold of me, push me down, and completely overwhelm me as it had so many times before. Instead, I tried to connect with it in different ways.
At times, I simply observed it. Then I moved toward it. I spoke to it. I reminded it not to go too far. And then, gently, I reminded it that we are safe now. It began to move. Sometimes to the right side, sometimes to the left, sometimes into my neck. It flared up and then retreated again. I allowed myself to feel the anger about needing to take a pill, and then another one, and another one. And then I was able to relax again.
I cannot remember ever going through an attack like this while being so patient, compassionate, and loving toward myself. After sixty-three years of living with a history of pain, that feels like a statement I can truly be proud of. And throughout all of this, there was not a single second in which I doubted that a new life had already begun for me.
Over the past three weeks, I have not only been learning what TMS means, but also exploring different ways of working with it and relating to it. I have started this program – and even in this relatively short period, I have already discovered so much about myself. One of the biggest realizations has been seeing the amount of discipline, pressure, and harshness I have carried toward myself. I have noticed this inner force that constantly pushes me to tackle things, work through them, and keep going – often without truly considering my body or my own needs.
The past months have been challenging. First, my left hand, and just one week ago, my right hand, had to undergo surgery. Thankfully, both hands are doing much better now, and I am slowly beginning to write again. What I find challenging is learning to move through this program without my familiar inner pressure – and also doing it mostly on my own. On Day 0, I told my husband that my plan was to complete the program within 21 days. Typically me.
Things turned out differently. Now, ten days have passed since Day 6. Inside me, so much has started to move. So many different emotions have surfaced. So many images have appeared. Alongside all of this came the kind of migraine I have known since childhood. But this time, something was different. I did not allow this seemingly foreign power to take hold of me, push me down, and completely overwhelm me as it had so many times before. Instead, I tried to connect with it in different ways.
At times, I simply observed it. Then I moved toward it. I spoke to it. I reminded it not to go too far. And then, gently, I reminded it that we are safe now. It began to move. Sometimes to the right side, sometimes to the left, sometimes into my neck. It flared up and then retreated again. I allowed myself to feel the anger about needing to take a pill, and then another one, and another one. And then I was able to relax again.
I cannot remember ever going through an attack like this while being so patient, compassionate, and loving toward myself. After sixty-three years of living with a history of pain, that feels like a statement I can truly be proud of. And throughout all of this, there was not a single second in which I doubted that a new life had already begun for me.
