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all hope gone

M

Marsha

New Member
Life has become impossible for me to navigate. My symptoms since 2007 have intensified. Walking is more painful than I could ever imagine. Pain keeps me awake all night.
I have seen Dr. Sarno twice, once in 1999, and had a full recovery. Relapsed I 2007-8 and am ready to quit.
I have read anything I can get my hands on. Practiced writing ,meditation and psychological therapy for the last 5 years.
Desperate and consumed by unrelenting pain I have gone for physical therapy, taken meds,had epidural injections and gone for acupuncture. Of course none worked. I knew this would happen but desperate people do desperate things.
I am not a new member. I was involved with TMS help since 2007.
This is the first post here.
 
I am sure it is the sme thing. I have hd symptoms of TMS since I was sixteen. This is the same but it is also worse at the same time. I am very limited in my activities. Every movement causes ore severe pain.
 
Marsha said:
Life has become impossible for me to navigate. My symptoms since 2007 have intensified. Walking is more painful than I could ever imagine. .
Click to expand...

Marsha, I am so so sorry you're having to deal with this.

I like what @IrishSceptic suggests as a starting point. It is almost as though you are locked in a tight loop of pain/fear/pain/fear feeding on itself. Meditation is one wonderful tool for breaking that cycle. I've been watching/reading Pema Chodron who is a wonderful teacher (and I am caught in a relapse myself). Google her and you'll find youtube videos that give you a sample of her teaching.

What I am about to suggest next is not strictly by the TMS book BUT....I've gotten tremendous help from self-hypnosis. First I used CD's, then I sought out a hypnotherapist who had extensive experience treating chronic pain. She is PhD psychologist as well as hypnotist and a chronic pain sufferer herself. It has changed my life. She has taught me numerous techniques to use while up and about plus since she is a psychologist she was able to use other tools to address trauma, etc.

Remind your brain that this went away before which means it can stop again. Everything changes and this can change for the better, too!

I wish you comfort and peace.
 
Dearest Marsha, All hope is NOT gone. On a deep level, you know this or you would not have reached out. You've already experienced full healing from TMS. Twice. TMS has to up its hand at this point.

What's going on in your life right now? A stressful season? A new life phase?

What do you enjoy doing? I know with your pain levels, physical things are probably too much. What about watching some funny movies? Spending some time in nature?

What has happened that even though after healing, you've concluded, "...none worked..I knew this would happen". Where did the doubt roll in after having dramatic healings before?

Finally, have you worked with a TMS therapist? I know you mentioned a therapist but if he/she wasn't a TMS therapist, might have been as effective as you needed?

Hang in there, Marsha. We're cheering for you.

PS Steve Ozanich recommended resources from Dr. Emmett Miller to me to help deal with anxiety. I've found his stuff very, very helpful. His website is drmiller.com
 
Marsha, I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I am wondering about your emotional pain. I was in counseling almost 20 yrs ago and have been pretty good emotionally for 15 years. Because of physical pain I am working the SEP and emotions are coming up a little and I have been remembering my time in therapy. I remember holding my head in my hands, crying and telling my husband I can't handle all the (emotional) pain I had. My brain was overflowing with it. This memory is helping me understand why my mind is giving me pain in my body, pain from to much feeling of emotion is overwhelming too. I don't want to do this messing, sad crazy-feeling work, but I don't want to sit through my life with an ice pack on my foot either.

What about your emotional stuff? Are you still progressing? What is that part of your story? I don't mean the personal details, but the progress, or lack.

I hope being here will give you hope again.
 
Don't give up!

Your returning symptoms mean that you're still blocking some repressed feelings. Your current therapy isn't getting to them, but the right therapist can.

I've been there with psychotherapy that didn't help. I wasted years that way. Most therapists are not trained in TMS, don't know how to treat it effectively, and don't know that they don't know. Often TMS needs to be challenged more directly than most therapists will do.

Find someone from the practitioner list on this site. Some will work via Skype if necessary. That's what I'm doing now. I saw an immediate difference in the therapist's technique compared with what I was used to from previous therapists.

Read the section in The Divided Mind on psychotherapy (page 150) for some good information about the process.

There's hope. You just need to find the right help.

David.
 
Hi, Marsha. You've been given some very good suggestions.
I think the main thing is to think positive, that you healed before with TMS and will heal again.

I've found self-hypnosis very helpful, especially the form using tapping.
There are some excellent Yotube videos on tapping.
 
Marsha,
Have you looked into counseling with Alan Gordon's group of of LA? I believe they will work on the phone with you. They are TMS experts and you can experience the approach directly by listening to the recorded excerpts on the

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program

http://www.painpsychologycenter.com/

You know what TMS is and you've made it through before. As others have suggested, the interesting inquiry would be: How is this time different? You no doubt are asking this. I think each episode probably brings new challenges and asks us to go deeper.

I think part of the problem with Sarno's work is that each person who works through it, and cures the TMS finds the "miraculous cure" quite mind-blowing down deep. The experience is mysterious because it refutes so much of our culture and conditioning.

I think there can be a lingering doubt about exactly what the specific "key" was, in spite of our self-assurances that "X" or "Y" (journaling, meditation) did the "trick." Even our need to believe there is a special key may reflect a magical thinking/doubt about the process. This may leave us in doubt at a deep level, and this doubt/fear can grow.

Our psychological structure puts us naturally in the place of a child who has received something from the "other" whether that is God or Sarno, or _____. So we don't actually own it at some level. So we don't understand our ability to disengage from pain, the action we took and the stances we take, as our OWN support. This probably can't be helped since we are human. Maybe this can part of your inquiry?

It may help to simply commit to a program like the SEP here, broad ranging, and a certain number of months of counseling with Gordon's folks, and just stay not attached to the outcome. Be curious about the fear and doubt. Treat fear and doubt as an actual symptom of TMS and put it aside as best you can. The fear (based on your lack of progress) is real, and it can be dealt with skillfully. This may be the new edge for you. I am sorry for your suffering.

Don't give up hope.

Andy B.
 
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Marsha this post today from Debra should give you hope...

Hi everyone! I'm so happy, I'm actually noticing a change. I went for entire day without pain! I've had excruciating back, rib, knee and shoulder pain for a year and three months. Every single day. At day 17 I was ready to give up. But with the encouragement of lots of people on this website, I decided to keep going.
I've been reading Dr. Sarno's books, and I just got The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich.
I love this book! His story is so fascinating and very inspiring. I was reading it on the weekend and I couldn't put it down. I got about a quarter of the way through , and suddenly my pain was gone. It came back in full force the next day, but I proved to my brain that I could actually have an influence on it. And I really learned that it really takes varying lengths of time to be cured. I'm more relaxed now and I've forgotten about having any kind of timeline for recovery. I just know that it will happen at some point. I'm just continuing to live through my pain and it's helping.
The book is really fun to read. It has lots of humour in it, great and thorough information about TMS and Steve is an amazing guy.
So if anyone is "stalled" in their recovery, or having doubts about their progress, get this book, it will really help you .
Hugs
Debra

DebraW, Today at 8:58 AM Report Bookmark
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