ALL Done

Finished the program.
I am not pain free but feel better. Butt pain and sciatica. The insight I gained is good. Journaling and simply understanding better calms the fear.
I am currently reading SteveO. I no longer fear the pain but must admit being pissed off at it because I am not working. I am self employed. I work plumbing and the spasms, well you get it, not good.
I am going on holidays for 1 week and have decided to not make any decisions until I come back.
I do plan on seeing a therapist because I sense hidden anger. I thought I knew why and with whom I was angry , but apparently if you are consciously angry then that's not the source. It's hard when you love that person and just want to tell them off.
I may be in left field.
There is some success because it has forced me to evaluate many things, and actually now I am in the process of potentially changing carreers.
I have not been evaluated by tms doc or had mri. so I am a little on the fence and I know I need to work on that.
Having said that , I have read so many stories of success from people way more in pain than me that tells me I'm ok.
FEAR is half the battle in my opinion. I no longer fear it, I just fu...n hate it back.
Well that's it , life goes on.
In plumbing we say , shit goes down,smell goes up and payday is Thursday.

 

Hi intense50.
Congratulations on finishing the SEP. I enjoy reading your reflections.

I think this is a wonderful realization/experience that you are having. Knowing, understanding, connecting --all of this works to undermine the TMS activity because you are "seeing behind the curtain." You know where the spasms or pain is actually coming from, even if you are not so sure on the specifics. I always say that in working with TMS and the SEP, we are "opening the door to feelings." The precise "reason" for the pain may never be found. But it is creating a more open doorway that undermines the repression, suppression tendencies.

This statement in itself shows a lot of potential for tension. You want to say something, but you "shouldn't," so there is conflict, inner conflict. It is perhaps a reflection of the classic bind we put ourselves in during our development (that stays with us in adulthood) which is "how can I be myself?" (express anger) and at the same time keep myself in the "field of parental love?" (relationship to person that you love. Just being aware of this inner conflict is probably a great start.

This is a huge accomplishment!!! The only place to perhaps refine this is to be a little more indifferent, not take it so personally. All of this takes time, and you're way ahead here already. It may help you to just see you're getting hooked, and witness this, relax into it.

Good luck in your continued education.

Andy B.

 

After I finished the program one of my many symptoms was heel pain. I even cut the heels out of brand new tennis shoes so I could walk without pain.

My heels were red, swollen and very sensitive to touch. It was hard for me to imagine that TMS could cause such pain and swelling. Sitting in bed with my weight on my heels caused lots of pain.

Well, my tennis shoes finally wore out. I needed to make the decision of cutting out my heels again or believing it was TMS. I knew I needed to believe 100% for it to go away. I grit my teeth, feared then believed.

My heels still tweak as they are now just writing about it. You can do it too. Decide to believe.

 

Love this, laughed my ass off.... Congrats on finishing. I also finished, last week, and while the pain isn't entirely gone, like you said, the fear of it has all but vanished. Here's to living our lives no matter what!

 

Thank you Kevin. Yes life goes on and this tms makes us often forget to relax and laugh. I tried posting in that way although I am not 100 % anger free. SEP is the stepping stone to getting back on track. It removes much fear and apprehension.

 

Hi, everyone. Intense50, congrats on completing the SEProgram. Your posts show that it did work for you. Just learning how important it is to relax and laugh is enough, but as you say, it ended much of the fear and apprehension you had. Now try working on becoming 100 percent free of your anger.
I found that forgiving is one of the very best healing tonics. I forgive in my mind and heart, without communicating directly with those who caused me anguish. That was enough to convince my subconscious and it released my severe back pain.

Now that you have completed the SEProgram, keep up deep breathing, living in the present moment, and finding ways to enjoy each day and be happy with those you love.

I had fear and apprehension this morning, after a three inch snowfall in the Chicago area. The guy I usually hire must be out of town, and my next-door neighbor and his young teenage son, both rugged rugby players have cleared my driveway before, but not for the snowfall last week or for this one.
I decided not to be fearful or apprehensive that I would hurt my back, and shoveled myself out. The snow was light, not heavy or wet, or I would have left it until July. I pushed the snow with the shovel, didn't lift it, and felt no pain. Afterward I felt a great sense of accomplishment, telling myself, "Not bad for an 85 year old." But I hope it is not a snowy winter.

 

Thanks Walt I really appreciate your input. I have started imaging forgiveness however wether it's the one my subconscious needs I don't know . I just follow my heart and keep journaling.