1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by newarrior, Oct 2, 2018.

  1. newarrior

    newarrior Peer Supporter

    Anyone else get enraged, depressed, scared, fearful, etc., etc in relation to aging, mortality, the inevitability of death, age discrimination in all areas of life, harder to lose weight, everything just being more difficult with age , becoming disposable and marginilzed, problems with the body, limitations etc., etc. ?

    Some of my health issues started early such as vision and hearing issues; others like high blood pressure came later.

    Plus most of my family is long dead including my parents and brother.

    I am 55 and I fuck__ing hate it !
    Sofa likes this.
  2. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Editing this post as I don't feel like I have the appropriate perspective on this just yet.
    Sofa likes this.
  3. HattieNC

    HattieNC Well known member

    Dorado, I adore you and you have inspired and helped more than you know, but you can't possibly understand what newwarrior is talking about. I used to think exactly as you do (at least in my 20's and 30's). However, being a caregiver to aging parents and in-laws forced me to see things from a much different perspective. I can't even count how many days and nights I've spent in nursing homes, hospitals, and assisted care facilities over a 12 year period. I saw age discrimination, disability, elder abuse, and marginalization up front and personal. These memories will haunt me forever. Yes, some people are lucky and age beautifully. But, a lot do not. And, that is what scares the crap out of those of us in our 50's. Especially, if you've been dealt the hand of chronic pain. Aging is often about loss. Loss of parents, spouses, friends, looks, and career. Until it's tapping on your shoulder, you don't get it.

    So, yes newarrior I share your anxieties about aging. That is why I try try to eat healthy and spend a ridiculous amount of money on cosmetics, hair color, and wrinkle creams. On the flip side, I have to admit I enjoy not caring about other people's opinions, and using the excuse that I'm tired when I don't want to do something. Plus, the exquisite experience of having grandchildren. I don't take for granted that it's been a gift to have lived 57 years on this beautiful earth. Because I know my time is limited, it's become MUCH more precious. I don't sweat the small stuff and I'm willing to take more chances. Like the lyrics in the Tim McGraw song, "live like you were dying."
    Rainstorm B and Sofa like this.
  4. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    For sure - you're right. I will say that I've spent a lot of time around people in their 80s and 90s (including someone approaching 100), and I've seen a lot of really great examples. I guess I'm lucky in that respect, to have that exposure, because it's definitely not reflective of everyone's experiences. And it would be very unfair to expect that to be the experience of everyone else.

    Living in one of the biggest cities in the United States, I see a nice number of independent seniors (65+) who are probably living better lives than I am. In one of my old neighborhoods, I also saw dudes in their 50s who were still looking and feeling great and living well. I know people in their 80s who are dating after their spouses died and going to pool parties. The best advice my parents give me is to take the very best care of myself today and to not sweat what's out of my control (like cancer genes), but yeah, I'm still pretty young.

    From a cosmetic perspective, a lot of this came from me having an attractive parent who was obsessed with the way they looked, and watching them basically despise themselves once that aging process started. I watched that closely and internalized it, fearing every birthday or every little change in my body. Then they almost died when I was in college, and their perspective changed greatly. To see them going from hating their 40s to loving their mid-50s is pretty neat, but yeah, I don't personally know what it's like as I haven't been there myself. This is similar to the attitude my parents now have and talk to me about: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/birth-babies-and-beyond/201412/why-getting-old-is-good-thing%3famp (Why Getting Old Is A Good Thing) (Why Getting Old Is A Good Thing)

    And I've heard talk that sounds similar to this about some people having their happiest years (not everyone, of course): https://www.theguardian.com/membership/2017/feb/20/retirement-60s-best-decade-life-ageing-joy (Could your 60s and 70s be the best decades of life?) (Could your 60s and 70s be the best decades of life?)

    Anyway, I will leave the post, as I agree that this is probably better discussed with someone not in their twenties! I definitely can't comment on issues like the senior abuse (absolutely terrible and I am so sorry that it happens).
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2019
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  5. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes. I will look at women in their early 30's and think, "I'm like them." But, in fact, I'm 61. I still have a hard time believing that's my age.
    I'm not in denial. I think because I didn't have children, there is nothing to watch getting older, day by day, like a kid.
    But, here's the deal. Sarno said we have rage about it whether we admit it or not. I think we do. I know I do.

    We don't have an option. So, I do take care of myself. I'm grateful to be moving and exercising every day.
    My parents are still in their own home at age 92. My mom takes writing class and my dad is learning ukulele. They both have had health issues. She uses a walker, he uses a cane. Both have pacemakers, etc.
    Both are pretty mentally sharp.

    So, just like TMS, it appears that the secret to staying healthy as we age is to stay involved and passionate about something.
    That's my plan. Look around. Find something cool. Get over the inevitable. What's next???
    HattieNC, BloodMoon and westb like this.
  6. newarrior

    newarrior Peer Supporter

    Yes age--sometimes early is loss - Age 33-- I developed tinnitus/hearing loss and my balance got messed up
    Age 33 last cat dead
    Age 38--I lost dad
    Age 44--Mom dead
    Age 49 youngest brother dead
  7. newarrior

    newarrior Peer Supporter

    My family dies early..I moved to Asia last year age 54 to escape the age discrimination I experienced in the USA
    MWsunin12 likes this.
  8. hopedieslast

    hopedieslast Newcomer

    hope you are good now :)
  9. mschloe

    mschloe Newcomer

    I am sorry you feel this way oh dear... I had some moments like this, it's really really scary when you think about it... All the time, I tried not to think about it, about getting old and just going on with my life. I tried to avoid the thoughts as much as possible, even if I lost everyone around me I still had a reason to go on...we only have one life, truly... But it hit me pretty recently... I felt in my bathroom a month a go and since then I can't walk properly, my feet aren't what they used to be, I was already on medication for arthritis and the fall just made it worse. I had to buy a cane, but it was awful, no stability. Someone recommended me the best walkers for seniors, I didn't really like the idea of it but if I wanted to go on I had no other choice... They turned out great, I can easily rely on my walker, it'll be there when I fall hahahaha
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2020
  10. Cap'n Spanky

    Cap'n Spanky Well known member

    Absolutely, newarrior! I'm 65 and have experienced pretty much everything you've described from time to time. Dr. Sarno mentions agiing as a factor contributing to rage and I definitely agree.

    This program helps greatly in my attitude towards age because it demonstrates how much of my health is between my ears. It frustrates me to see so many people our culture assume that some sort of disability is inevitable as we age. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We can thank the medical communities explanation of a physical cause for every ache and pain for that.

    Although a bit morbid, I've also found that some understanding and acceptance of the aging process to be helpful. This PBS doc was strangely soothing: Into the Night: Portraits of Life and Death. How do we live with death in our eye?

    I plan also to read this book at some point: How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter, New Edition: Nuland, Sherwin B.: 8601416565705: Amazon.com: Books
    HattieNC likes this.

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