Day 5 After the exercise of day 5 I’ve repeatedly felt a strong urge in my body to take a deep breath

[Rubynea]

On the spur of the moment, I decided to write down the following sentence: When I was eight years old, my mother attempted to take her own life by taking pills, and I found her already unconscious. She survived the attempt because I called the police. Over the decades, I’ve occasionally told friends, my husband, and even my therapist about this incident. However, I never consciously asked myself how I felt about it. I have never put a name to those feelings. Answering this question felt very relieving to me, but I also felt something old fall away inside me—especially the feelings of guilt that, as a child, I must have had something to do with it. Allowing myself to give my feelings a place on paper and taking myself seriously in the process were very soothing. I was able to honestly tell myself that things happened, but that I don’t bear any responsibility for other people’s decisions. Since then, I’ve repeatedly felt a strong urge in my body to take a deep breath.

 

[Ellen]

This is profound. Congratulations on your bravery to go deep. I remember when I first went through the process, having the same experience of wanting to take a deep breath. I realized I had been holding my breath to some degree since childhood.

Your post also points out how there are different levels of understanding. Even though you had relayed the incident to others, the deep emotions of the experience didn't come through until now.

 

[Rubynea]

This is profound. Congratulations on your bravery to go deep. I remember when I first went through the process, having the same experience of wanting to take a deep breath. I realized I had been holding my breath to some degree since childhood.

Your post also points out how there are different levels of understanding. Even though you had relayed the incident to others, the deep emotions of the experience didn't come through until now.

Thank you, Ellen, for your words.

YES, that’s my impression too—I’ve never felt these emotions like this before. I only discovered TMS about ten days ago.

Since then, my body has become softer and more flexible, and even the intense feelings touched upon during the exercise land on soft ground and don’t sweep me away, since this doesn’t seem to be about resolution but rather about accepting these occurrences.

Holding my breath is a major issue for me, one I want to bring more awareness to. I noticed today that I was holding my breath, especially during this story, since I have always had to be careful for five decades, so that she doesn’t do it again. How absurd to believe that I could control her actions. Today I gained an important insight, and I am infinitely grateful:

"I have the permission to breathe deeply, no matter what is happening around me."

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I have never put a name to those feelings. Answering this question felt very relieving to me, but I also felt something old fall away inside me—especially the feelings of guilt that, as a child, I must have had something to do with it. Allowing myself to give my feelings a place on paper and taking myself seriously in the process were very soothing. I was able to honestly tell myself that things happened, but that I don’t bear any responsibility for other people’s decisions. Since then, I’ve repeatedly felt a strong urge in my body to take a deep breath.

What an unbelievably profound example of what this work is, so great to hear