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advice please

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by beccaboo, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. beccaboo

    beccaboo New Member

    hi, im not new to sarnos methods but I am using them now along with my other healing methods.

    I have m.e and fibro, along with many other issues since a kid. I truly see how trauma and beliefs caused me to turn out this way and with sarnos work and others I have improved greatly.

    The advice I actually want is:
    I have applied for disability money as I do not work, I should of applied 2 years ago when I got ill but I couldn't deal with it back then as I was in such a bad state, anyway im not quite up to working yet and know I will need to build my confidence to get a job when fully well. I do some work from home which isn't much. I want and deserve the money as ive always worked hard but the issue im having is if I accept the money will I be telling my brain I need it and am till not safe? I could be thinking into this too much as a typical worrier, but I do not want my brain to think ahhh, she has benefits now so she does not need to get any more better.

    any thoughts?

    kind thanks
    Becca xx
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Becca, you are one of only a few people in this situation who seem to be willing to acknowledge - both to yourself and to others - the truth about the obvious conflict involved. So give yourself credit for being willing to explore this, yes?

    That being said, I've never been in this situation, so I don't know if I have any right to comment. Still... it's got to create a pretty serious emotional conflict, right? Where do you draw the line - at what point are you willing to give up the benefits in order to become better? How in fact can you change your brain and think psychologically, when your finances depend upon thinking physically?

    I think it's a problem! Perhaps others can weigh in.

  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Becca,

    I don't know what country you live in, but in most disability benefits are barely enough to survive on. So while it is better than no income, my belief is that once you start feeling better and have more confidence that you will stay that way, you will want to earn more and contribute to your community.

    What you describe is the concept of secondary gain from disability. Dr. Sarno found that this was not an issue for his patients with TMS. Our personality type with its goodist and perfectionist tendencies doesn't allow us to sit back and be satisfied with collecting disability payments unless absolutely necessary. We are usually too hard on ourselves for that.
    Lizzy and plum like this.
  4. healingfromchronicpain

    healingfromchronicpain Well known member

    Oh boy can I relate!!!!! I could talk at length about this, but for now I’ll try to be brief. I worked for four miserable years in bad pain before I finally went out on full disability (back in 2009). I discovered the mindbody connection two years before that and had significant pain relief at that point. But I still had daily pain, but at least it was much more manageable afterwards. However, I was still really unable to take care of myself and my kids AND work. And yes, you certainly can’t live on disability payments, but luckily I’m married (another thing I needed to maintain because I couldn’t work anymore). Anyway, its all a long story, but I was on disability through private insurance from my job and then ultimately on SS disability. I hate that I’m on it and I grapple with the same questions you have posed.

    I’m now only on SS disability and hoped that when I got off the other one that maybe IF my brain was doing what you talk about then maybe I’d finally get rid of the last lingering (daily) pain I still have. Unfortunately no such luck. It’s such a catch-22 and I don’t have the answer. But what I try my best to do is accept that disability is allowing me to continue to work on getting better. I tried for 4 years to do it the other way and it almost killed me. So i guess I would say that if you need the disability for now don’t be ashamed or afraid to take advantage of it, because it’s your money. It’s essentially taking early retirement and at least SS allows you to try to work for a certain trial period. So you can ease back into work as you feel better, but gives you some time in case you can’t keep it up.

    Sorry that wasn’t so brief :) Feel free to PM me. (If you want to know more about my story, I describe it at: http://www.healingfromchronicpain.com/home.html (Healing from Chronic Myofascial Pain--Support for chronic pain sufferers: Defying Gravity--An Athlete's Journey of Healing from Chronic Myofascial Pain). Plus, I too have learned the hard way how trauma is related to my physical pain.)
    plum likes this.
  5. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    This is something it would be easy to overthink but I would resist that. Jan is right to flag the potential conflict and for someone mired in self-pity this may be a consideration. You don't strike me as that sort at all, quite to the contrary.

    Sadly I do have experience of benefits having lived on them for years. My hubby has Parkinson's and while we were eligible for benefits early on, beliefs such as you moot now meant we didn't apply for them until we were desperate. Before this time we continued to run our business and use our savings even though it was killing my boy. We truly believed we could prevail and that our situation (financially at least) would improve. How wrong we were. Parkinson's is not TMS and I feel sickened when I reflect upon the naivete that hoped it might be.

    Had we stopped sooner, taken more care early on and received the financial help we clearly needed, we would be in a better situation than we are now. I urge you to think pragmatically about your circumstance and not be swayed by prevailing opinion.

    I care very little for the shaming that surrounds benefits. Here in Britain there is a ridiculous assumption that benefit claimants are spongers who should get off their arses and stop watching tele all day, an attitude that is still held even if the person is disabled so the whole issue is shrouded in some ugly prejudices that are not much fun to deal with.

    As a carer (caregiver) I can tell you that the financial aspect is extremely challenging. Carers UK asked non-carers what their main concern about becoming a carer would be and the number 1 answer was Money Worries. They are right to think this. As a 24/7 carer I can't work and yet I only receive £64 a week in benefits. When you consider that carers like me save the UK economy £119 billion every year and that 1.4 million carers care for 50 hours or more a week (which is the same number of full-time staff in the NHS), you may appreciate why the issue is so inflammatory.

    It's ok to receive help.

    It's especially ok if you are working towards healing yourself and re-engaging with the world.

    Being on benefits is not easy street. It is a constant struggle on many levels. Some of the most crushing experiences have been at the hand (and mouth) of people who have never known financial hardship. Spare yourself this nonsense. Do what is right for you.

    Sorry about the rant.

    Plum x
  6. healingfromchronicpain

    healingfromchronicpain Well known member

    Thank you @plum. I wholeheartedly agree. And in the US there’s the same stigma that lazy sponges feed off the system. It’s sad and incredibly frustratingly.

    @beccaboo, since you’re going in acknowledging the potential of you brain to use the disability information improperly that is likely the awareness you need to not let it sabotage you. I agree with @plum. Disability benefits are available for exactly the reason you need them so accept them for what they are and still keep a clear head toward healing.

    It’s also not to say that getting the benefits is easy with pain syndromes, at least from my experience in the US, that is. Just don’t let them bully you. Again, I’m happy to discuss this further with you :)

    Good luck!!
    plum likes this.
  7. beccaboo

    beccaboo New Member

    Thank you Plum and Healingfromchronicpan, that was very helpful, I have not had a reply from the personal independent payment people yet, I think next I have an interview, I kno wits hard to get it, so they will likely think I am too well. I have started to earn some cash in hand when I feel up to it, I know I can work, its just the confidence, and alothough working and keeping my mind busy could help my progression im just not ready to commit yet until ive had a more longer period of feeling well. im trying hard to be patient with my situation, as a perfectionist that's hard to accept that this is what its like for now, yet at the same time I can fully accept it and understand its not forvever. the brain is such a confusing machine lol

    Lizzy likes this.

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