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Admiting that you are a negative person

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Pingman, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    After hearing my wife tell me 1,000 times over the past 5 months the 1,001st time hit me. Even though I am kind, caring, giving.... I am a negative person. It stems from the way I grew up. My house was negative and even aftre my parents divorced my dad carried negative thinking along to me through my teen years.

    I was able to break free of it in my 20s when I moved away and got out of college. I was pretty care free in my 20s. Once I got married and had a child, I think my dad in me came out. I am able to see the kiss butts at work, the clicks in church and in the neighborhood.

    I know I am not suppose to care but that is what my dad trained me to do....be cautious of others.

    So now, I am working on that. I am approaching more people I would ahve normally written off. I am attending a mens dinner at church each month to get to know others members. I am branching out and realizing that making judgments based on the car some drives or the way a person might carry themselves is typically not accurate.

    This negative attitude though has bleed into my TMS healing. I wake up every day and feel my head pressure, neck pain and back pain and say to myself oh great here we go again. I am going to be in pain all day. This will never go away. I am going to deal with this forever.

    Logically, I should know that none of this pain came on until i begame worrying about other symptoms that have long since gone.

    I am finding it easier to move toward positive thinking in my other areas of life but with the TMS health issue I am finding it harder to put a spin on it.

    Anyone have some good examples of how to put a positive spin on their pain.....

    So when I go outside and my temples start to hurt....what would some of you TMS warriors think to gain the positive perspective.
    Msunn and Lily Rose like this.
  2. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    If you are an animal-person, a good analogy is saddling up a horse. If the horse becomes agitated, remove the saddle and check the blanket very carefully. Horses are extremely sensitive. If there is the slightest bit of debris wedged in the blanket, like a piece of straw, a small burr ... it will generate discomfort or even pain.

    Negative stray thoughts are like burrs. You have to patiently pluck them away, one at a time.

    Why is it easier to move towards positive thinking in other areas? What holds you back in the TMS issue?

    Logic, while important at times, isn't the real key to healing. Pain is about emotions ... not logic. You say you 'logically should know' ... rather, feel it. Feel your belief and your faith. Breathe it. Embrace it.

    You are doing so many positive things .... the rest is coming. It really is.

    with grace and gratitude,
    Msunn, Ellen and Mermaid like this.
  3. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    The way I tackled trying to think positively about my pain was to imagine how I would have continued my life if it hadn't come along. It forced me to stop and reassess EVERYTHING.

    I'm grateful for TMS drawing my attention to the blind spot I had on my own needs and how chronically tense and fearful I had become.

    Even though I am not totally healed yet, my life has already changed for the better, my outlook is much more relaxed. I've discovered the real me in this process and it was worth all the agony, I never thought I'd say that in a million years, but it's true. TMS HAD TO HAPPEN TO ME, and I thank my body for calling a halt on the destructive thought patterns which had become a habit.

    One day you will look back on TMS as a gift :joyful:
    Ellen and Msunn like this.
  4. Msunn

    Msunn Well known member

    Hi Pingman,
    Thanks for your very honest post.

    One of the things I learned in therapy years ago, is that when I'm stressed out my first impulse will be to revert to old survival behaviors. In my case I grew up in a negative abusive family, so I always had to be on guard to survive,and it wasn't a safe place to be.

    So TMS definitely keyed up anxiety, not feeling safe etc.

    I may not be able to control the initial thought or feeling but I can choose how I react to that initial thought.
    One saying I really like is "feelings aren't facts"!

    I've been involved in a 12 step group for several years, and I've learned to retrain my mind in many ways.
    One of the most helpful things for me is a gratitude list, making a conscious effort to list what I'm grateful for in my life.

    Sounds like you are doing some positive things to challenge old beliefs and prejudices. To me that is a great thing to do.
    My negative beliefs only restrict me, and were given to me by people who are long gone! Time to stop carrying that baggage.

    Not that I do any of this perfectly, but being part of this forum has allowed to me to see how others have progressed on this journey and I've learned some great tools for dealing with anxiety, fear, and negative thoughts.

    The other thing I strive for is acceptance, acceptance that I'm receiving exactly the lessons I'm meant to, and that everything is happening exactly as it should, my TMS, marriage, work problems, aging etc. I fought that when I first got TMS. I thought the universe, or my higher power making a mistake:) I now see it as a very insistent lesson that I'm learning a lot from.

    Being gentle and patient with myself has also really helped.

    Wishing you the best
    Ellen, Mermaid and Lily Rose like this.
  5. joseph32

    joseph32 Peer Supporter

    Good post Pingman, I can relate. Hope your good buddy. Keep your chin up and stay positive.

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