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Addressing Personality traits

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Anshushakti, Feb 2, 2016.

  1. Anshushakti

    Anshushakti New Member

    Hi All,
    Dr Sarno told that childhood repressed emotions,current stress and personality traits leads to symptoms. I well understand that journaling helps addressing first and second. But how to address personality traits. If i am a perfectionist i can't leave that. I still will be looking for doing my job with the perfection would be expecting appreciation and will fell bad when ever someone doesn't notice or appreciate my work. I will still be caring to others and will be neglecting myself. Any helpful advice to address personality traits?
  2. breakfree

    breakfree Peer Supporter

    Hi Anshushakti

    I think first, we just need to be aware of, and recognise our traits.
    For example I knew I had some of the traits, but I had no idea, I had almost ALL of them !!
    until I sat down and REALLY thought about it, then, I read about EACH trait, after reading about them, they were far easier to recognise in myself !

    Then, maybe begin to adjust our way of thinking - by trying to look at things from a different angle/point of view, and maybe in a more positive light too ...
    For example, if someone said something to me and it upset me, I USED to go into a sulk, like a child, I'd feel hurt, but I would NOT allow myself to FEEL the hurt, so I would keep it inside me, repressing it,
    NOW though, if someone says something to me and it upset's me - I TELL THEM, and I explain WHY it's upset me ,
    and also what could be done next time the situation arises.
    Don't get me wrong, I still haven't got it down to a 'fine art' yet, but I am working hard at it, after all I've been repressing for over 42 years, so I realise it's going to take time - and that's OK ;)

    And finally, realise that we cannot change who we are, nor can we stop our personality traits - after all they make us WHO we are,
    but we can, make small adjustments here and there, and those small adjustments just could, enable us tms'ers to become pain free :)

    x x
    blake and Ellen like this.
  3. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Start practicing screwing thnbgs up, dontr sweat tegh littled stuff. Only be a PERFECTIONIST for importatat thikgs that matter grately too you. Sonsider the first time you do anythign a learnunig experinced, a trial run, a prototype. Peopl dont erally carre, or if they do they for get in an instant. THOSE WHO MATTER DON'T CARE--THOSE WHO CARE DON'T MATTER!

    You need to praticwe this outlook,, itr can get to be funn--no one goes to ell for scewting up, as long as you don't commoit any felonies or break any of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. Babe Ruth, the greatest home-run hitter in history to have a candy bar named after him, held the record for strike outs the same year he got the record for homeruns. Practice bing a f-up, it cna be fum.

    giantsfan, Susan1111 and blake like this.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love these responses!!!

    Here is a simple journal exercise that might help you observe and ponder the impacts of your personality. Do a few of these each day. This will build awareness, and then you have more evidence to connect TMS symptoms to your moment-to-moment self relationships, and particularly how the Inner Child might be feeling. Struggling with formatting, but you get the idea..

    What I Did Was very careful to check letter 3 times, made many changes.

    Inner Bully Message If you don't do this perfectly, you will be not liked, not approved, not loved

    How the Inner Child might feel Afraid, Pissed off, ?
    blake likes this.
  5. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    A quick thought to all this great advise already given....The better you start to feel about yourself the Less you will feel the need to prove yourself to others. Your security in who you are will start to shine.

    @Tennis Tom very cool idea!l
    giantsfan, blake and Tennis Tom like this.
  6. blake

    blake Well known member

    Pretty funny, tennis tom. I'm a translator/revised by trade. I thought your message was hilarious.

    My perfectionism in my work - in a field known for its perfectionism - is one of my final frontiers. I've noticed that my clients' perfectionism greatly fuels my own. I've been working on this issue for so long - even before I learned about tms. The connection between my work and my symptoms is pretty strong. it gets so bad for me sometimes that it makes me want to change career paths, even though I actually like my job.

    Oh well, what can you do, right? I think the only solution is greater awareness of the impact of this trait, like people have mentioned, and more self compassion.

    PS I make myself NOT proofread any of the things I write on the forum. My way of sticking it to my superego
    Tennis Tom likes this.
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think I am over my perfectionism, or at least have modified it to a healthy level. My book publisher boss is a super perfectionist and it drives his wife and son and me and everyone nuts.

    I recently read Jane Fonda's biography and she says that her father Henry Fonda told her she had to be perfect or no one would love her. His advice ruined most of her life until she realized that he was far from perfect. He could play a hero in movies and make audiences feel it, but she said he showed no feeling, no emotion, about anything in life. She finally ignored his advice from when she was a little girl and now is a happy senior woman.

    I think perfectionism can go take a flying leap.

    And Breakfree is so right, about adjusting our way of thinking, about pain and our emotions. I just read a quote that we can all benefit from.
    Lena Horne, the black singer who had her share of heartaches in both her career and personal life said: “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it. Carry it by the comfortable handles of gratitude for what’s positive and that it is not worse, rather than the uncomfortable edges of bitterness for the negatives and that it is not better."

    Two good examples of how wisdom comes out of heartache.

    Tennis Tom likes this.
  8. giantsfan

    giantsfan Well known member

    HAHAHA, Tennis Tom, that was some funny shiznit lol.

    OP- Personally I have some friends and uncles who have personalities that are very care free that I like to hang around with (maybe that's why I enjoy being around them- breath of fresh air). That can help if you know anyone like that.
    Tennis Tom and Susan1111 like this.
  9. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    It yuck me awile to catch on to tennis toms post the vest!÷!÷;)
    Tennis Tom likes this.

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