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Acute Relapse need help

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Aucklander, May 16, 2018.

  1. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    I have been tms ftee since my last post quite a while ago.
    The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare relapse.
    I can't tell my tms to get lost and deal with the extreme anger towards certain family members that suck the life out of me.
    I hate narcissist's.
    Having to have a relationship with a narcissistic parent is such a torment.

    When I was younger straight out of University I joined dad's business, now I am married and trying to separate our financial affairs I can see his manipulation and anger at my leaving. He is doing all he can to make it a difficult and untenable process.

    His behavior infuriates me, puts me in such bad moods my wife ends up annoyed at me.

    Life would be a whole lot better if he could respect our boundaries and opinions. This will never happen.

    Now my tms back pain has a firm grip.

    Is there anyone else who has gone through something similar?

    I don't know what to do. I find it hard to find a quiet spot to be alone and process what's happening.
    I feel having a journal in the house is risky given the words I feel I would write down on paper.
  2. joshcm

    joshcm Peer Supporter

    Hi mate ( and fellow Aucklander)

    Are you moving much?, getting rid of anger with physical excersise helps me more than journaling ( I think )

    Thats where I would start anyhow. Then use that as a base to build on the journal stuff.

    Bodhigirl and plum like this.
  3. westb

    westb Well known member

    I'm very sorry things are so tough at the moment in this transition process. It's good that you can see the connection between your emotions and the pain. What you are doing in declaring your independence from your family business is huge and is something that could lead to a brighter and more fulfilling future. To start with I would concur with @joshcm's advice re exercise to help siphon off the anger, whatever you enjoy and makes you feel good. Start slowly if needs be. If you haven't read Steve Ozanich's book his story of how he started exercising in spite of his crippling back pain is inspirational. Take this whole fraught situation of separation a step at a time as you reclaim your power. Good luck and hang in there!
  4. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    tough situation! My father is also a narcissist and I am so glad that I don't have to deal with him on a daily basis. For me it was easier to establish boundaries because I moved away, now even in a different country. Maybe in the long run to have your own business would be better? I know this is extremely difficult terrain. He will react angry and manipulative to all your attempts to establish boundaries. And usually these people don't show mercy. I think it is important that your wife supports you in this and that she knows what is at stake.
    Maybe exercising to get rid of some of the anger is good. For me it doesn't work, but obviously for others!
  5. KevinB

    KevinB Well known member

    Thought I’d charm in here because it’s something I’ve been trying to remind my self: Sarno and TMS theory is very clear that the rage and emotions that cause TMS are unconscious and we do not have access to them. Of the thousands and thousands of patients Sarno helped, only one had the actual experience of the emotions surfacing and leaving (the women that had been molested by her father, Ellen maybe was her name?). Anyhow, I feel like this often gets overlooked and we continually search for the “reason” when in reality, we can’t nor need to pinpoint the exact reason... we simply have to fully integrate that we are OK, there is not a structural reason for the pain, and that it is a defense mecchanism produced by our brains to protect us. That coupled with getting back to life and accepting what we can’t change seems to be the key. Of course exploring our personality traits and life stressors helps reduce the symptoms, but those do not ultimately lead to cure... I now know this having had temporary TMS cures from doing all the “work”, but I’ve ultimately failed to do this far, and th reason I continue to have relapse, is accept FULLY that my body is fine.

    Just a thought. Hope you start to feel better.
    Bodhigirl and HattieNC like this.
  6. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    I second @joshcm's suggestion that you engage in some physical activity. Anger is a call to arms, it impels action and movement, so it does well to respond to that surge of power by doing something. I don't necessarily mean beating pillows or such (although I'm sure this benefits some people), but more directed, purposeful movement like running, walking or swimming, or maybe dancing like a wildman to rock music...whatever your back will allow without throwing you a curve.

    I find that if I don't release the raw energy of anger I run the risk of it settling into my body as tension. Other forms of release are a great compliment to this. I like to indulge in epic car rants with no regard to how utterly deranged I must appear to onlookers. Screaming "f*** you" into the oblivious universe is weirdly pleasurable too.

    Have you considered typing your rage? Some people find the digital release as helpful as writing, plus there is no chance of it being found because you can delete it or save it in email drafts or vent here if you like. I think everyone benefits from a good old-fashioned ranty post as opposed to the endlessly miserable chronicles of bodily woes.

    I've had experience of narcissists. Ultimately if you can't banish them from your life, you need to build a psychological fortress around yourself. Maybe it'll help you to conceive of these seperation struggles as something to be endured for a while but not for ever. Play the long game knowing that at some point your financial affairs will be completely independent. Hold true to your escape plan. Keep digging that tunnel out of there, relish the aroma of fresh earth as you dig, dig, dig your tunnel to freedom. Stand firm, let your anger empower you, don't let the bastards grind you down.

    Narcissists feed on the juice of other people's unhappiness. No rise, no kick. Don't feed the animal. Deal with your emotions in a primal, private way and go into battle as the strong and silent type methodically neutering each obstacle as it comes. At heart narcissists are weak, unsure people who are endlessly propping themselves up. When you cut the guide ropes they have attached to you, the whole sh*t show comes crashing down.

    I wish you the very best in your liberation and healing.

  7. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    Wow, these are some awesome responses. It's time for action on my part.

    Thanks TMS team. I like these suggestions. Watch this space.

    I realized how annoyed I have been with work stress lately. Back to TMS basics and dealing with my perfectionist traits.
  8. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Plum ! Loved every word of that!
    Very good advice
  9. Click#7

    Click#7 Well known member

    Here's one for you ....I have 2 narcissistic family members and believe me they deserve each other. My entire family with the exception of theirs decided to have NO contact with them, by having friction with them all you are doing is feeding the beast and making yourself miserable. Stay away from them if you can...or at least the confrontation. You can control yourself, but not him. Anyway it's great you understand the emotional toll it's taken on you so move on....
  10. Click#7

    Click#7 Well known member

    how right you are plum..

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