Getting older is nothing that bothers me ...so I thought! It turns out that the physical decay, the threat of a chronic disease and of course mortality really, really frightens me. There is an almost childish rebellion inside me: death is a humiliation, it’s a wrong concept, totally wrong. Then suddenly I understand scientist who want to download their brains. And then again, I think that death is part of life. And that people also die in peace. That eternal life would be meaningless. The problem seems to be that being afraid of dying often goes hand in hand with being anxious of living. These days I am thinking a lot about these things. I had a CT scan and besides that everything seems to be ok, they found a tiny spot on my lungs which the report calls “probably not significant”. I find ‘probably’ not very securing. I read about these spots. They are typical found in CT and most often they mean nothing. But sometimes they are the beginning of lung cancer. This has to be controlled. And the whole thought of maybe having a little bomb ticking there, is just not so nice. See above, life and death. Acceptance, utter acceptance as Claire Weekes says about to deal with anxiety. Also in this case, acceptance is the answer.