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Accepting Emotions of Rage, Anger, Etc.

LindaRK

LindaRK

Well known member
Maybe I'm way off base here, as dealing with TMS is about repressed emotions, but how do you deal with accepting outright emotions of rage and anger when you feel they're appropriate, but someone (say, your spouse) tells you that it's not okay to feel that way?
 
I feel anger and even rage sometimes, and I accept them. But I just don't hold them for long.
I let the steam out of the rage like I would hot air in a pressure cooker. Then I laugh.
I tell myself the cause of the rage was not as important as it seemed, and I let it go.

It may not be pure TMS but I find it healthy to express a moment of anger or age, then laugh
and put things in their proper, more calm perspective.

But I'm not married. I stuck with dogs. They've caused me no anger or age, just given me love.
 
LindaRK said:
Maybe I'm way off base here, as dealing with TMS is about repressed emotions, but how do you deal with accepting outright emotions of rage and anger when you feel they're appropriate, but someone (say, your spouse) tells you that it's not okay to feel that way?
Click to expand...
Hi Linda

Our emotions are generated by the thoughts we have, if you try to generate an emotion without having a thought first you can't do it. I've tried to change my thought patterns in certain situations, so that I don't generate such strong negative emotions. It takes some practice, but it's possible to calm your emotions this way, and be more peaceful. That said if you do have a strong emotional reaction to something it's much better to feel it and let it out than to try to deny, therefore repress it. You feel how you feel, there is no right or wrong, we are all individuals. Journaling about the real poisonous stuff helps too.

Bless you
 
LindaRK said:
Maybe I'm way off base here, as dealing with TMS is about repressed emotions, but how do you deal with accepting outright emotions of rage and anger when you feel they're appropriate, but someone (say, your spouse) tells you that it's not okay to feel that way?
Click to expand...
Linda RK,

I would say that emotions are not good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate, they just are. And they are MINE, not yours.

I know, easy for me to say. But it does sound like some boundaries need to be clarified.
 
Feeling emotions and expressing emotions are not the same thing. Earlier in the week, I was very angry with the orthopedic surgeon for her negative words, and how she less than gently handled my husband's very damaged leg (he says she wasn't that rough). I felt the anger and I knew I felt the anger. I thanked her for her time. A day later, I calmly express to my husband that I am still very angry. I wasn't repressing it. I was watching the emotion attentively, but I was not flinging out negative energy with it.

In the Buddhist practice (one of many philosophies I follow), you can become a Witness to your own self. You watch and observe without judgment. I was very angry, and my body went into a heat-flash, but my Witness remained opened and soft to the emotion. Compassionate, even.

A partner saying your emotions are inappropriate ....ahh, that is just plain hurtful, and it incites more anger or emotional pain. That is a good situation to practice expressing yourself in a way that s/he will hear. Yelling often erects barriers. Talking calmly to express yourself might give your partner more of a chance to listen. Just as you should listen.

It takes two. Even if you feel your partner is in the wrong, it usually doesn't solve anything to escalate the situation.

It is always 'okay' to feel what you feel. Your feelings are .... yours. Own them.

You are strong, and you are powerful, and you are beautiful.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^
 
walt glenview said:
I just read this in Steve Ozanich's book, The Great Pain Deception:

"Anger can only be transformed through mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present,
and aware of what is going on, without any judgment, simply observing what is: Body and mind united.
By taking care of your anger you transform it from negative to positive energy. Taking care of it means
to not battle it, but rather, understand why it exists, and then use the energy of anger to transform it into something
positive or useful."

It takes practice, but it can help relieve anger and the pain and stress anger causes.
Click to expand...

This is from another thread ... I just read it and thought it was appropriate here.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^
 
I have some friends who never show their emotion. I feel sorry for them.
They're not being themselves. I think stoics are very unhappy people.

One stoic friend's wife had a stroke at about age 4o that took away almost everything from her.
I can't imagine living with a stoic, but some people do. Love can't conquer all, methinks.
 
Thank you so much for your responses .... they are so appreciated! Just having a hard time ... because of others telling me I'm sensitive (well, I am!) I tend to second guess my emotions.
 
LindaRK said:
Thank you so much for your responses .... they are so appreciated! Just having a hard time ... because of others telling me I'm sensitive (well, I am!) I tend to second guess my emotions.
Click to expand...

My beautiful mother always told me I was 'too sensitive'. I felt this was a criticism, and that something was wrong with me. Much later in life, I determined that I wasn't too sensitive at all ..... everyone else was too INsensitive.

Once I figured that out ... I began to appreciate my sensitivity. Better to experience life as we do, than to be numb.

You are perfect how you are. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^
 
I have just read this post and want to add that I have always been told that I am an overly sensitive person. And I also took it as a criticism. Then I read the book The Highly Sensitive Person and it turned everything around for me. I am highly sensitive. And that's a good thing. I cry when I listen to very emotive music. I see the beauty in every day life. I connect with people at a very deep level. I have a lot of empathy. I am gentle. I seemingly give off an aura of calm that comforts people. I love nothing better than a day at home. Quiet. Restful. With candles and a good book. My sensitivity makes me a better artist, friend, lover. I can 'see' what people are feeling most of the time, my home is calm and soothing. I love slippers and comfort. I don't go to noisy places anymore, I don't hang out with people who are drama queens, I try to avoid bright lights, I work in an environment that is not frenetic and charged with energy (most times!), I like to get up early in the morning. It's a perfect, quiet time for us 'Sensitive Ones'! :) And yes, I am still told I am overly sensitive. But I now recognize that as the other person being uncomfortable with depth.
Saying all of that, I only feel like this when I take time out to meditate and soothe and connect with a higher energy. When I am not being in the moment and taking time out to self-care, I end up with TMS, feeling sick, out of it, angry, frustrated, panicked, anxious. I need to constantly bring myself back to my own breath as a reminder to stay focused and present. I was brought up in a very stressful and dramatic household, so I can be very easily drawn towards that kind of chaos. I have to work hard at my self care as it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to work extra hard because I am so sensitive.
Best wishes
 
When I encounter people who I know cause TMS, I do my best to ignore them. I put on headphones, read something and don't interact with them. It's no longer my problem, it's theirs. I heard about a 12 foot rule somewhere, try to stay 12 feet away from people who are negative to keep from being effected by their negative vibrations.
 
Good advice Tennis Tom. I also recognize that I have a lot of guilt at keep certain people at a distance. People pleasing. Fear of upsetting people or making them angry. Because of this I tend to isolate a lot. Being a sensitive person, I enjoy my own company but it can be too much sometimes and I would like to find a balance when it comes to being in company. My boundaries are still being built and I am learning how to set them with people but it is hard. I have had many 'friend' or acquaintances who really get on my nerves (ha ha) and I don't know how to deal with them only retreat and cut the relationship.
 
Kindlelight, some friends are worth the effort to deal with them, to focus on their qualities that you like and try to ignore the ones that bug you.
Years ago I decided I had too many casual friends and just let them go, and was much happier having fewer but better friends. I felt no guilt at all.

Now I'm almost 84 and most of my best friends have either died or moved away, so my circle of friends is much smaller. I don't mind. I like my own company, and my darling dog is with me. My Zodiac sign is Cancer and I fit it perfectly because I am a home person. Sometimes I think I ought to go out more, or ask friends and family to come visit me. Few of them do. Everyone seems to want to be in their own home and have friends over. Me, too.
 
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