The anger is real and it's very good for you to feel and process it.
I also understand the feeling of having wasted years.
But -- TMS is transformative, or so I understand. I think I'm about 50% healed and I have to say that I have seen so much inner transformation, and those who have fully recovered often seem to be radically transformed. You can be, too! No year, day, or hour is ever wasted. All works together. Be gentle with your past self. Hang in there!