Acceptance vs fighting/fleeing

hawaii_five0

hawaii_five0

Well known member
One of the things I struggle with is "acceptance" of discomfort (who wouldn't?), yet I frequently see that given as one of the most effective healing methods. I had a sudden understanding of how this works:

I have never paid attention to NCAA March Madness (even though I kind of follow pro basketball). The blanket coverage of the college tournament always kind of annoyed me, it was always something that I was happy when it ended (I "fought" it, "fled" from it). But this year, just to give my brain something else to think about, I filled out brackets and started playing the game of following it (I'm "accepting" it). I have suddenly found that my relationship with this topic has changed: by making it a thing of curiousity or engagement/acceptance, I am no longer annoyed by the coverage. It doesn't bother me anymore.

Can I do this with pain as well? How you do turn your relationship with pain into something of curiousity or even a "game"? Somebody who has successfully done this, give me a success story.
 
Hey, hawaii. This practice was a massive turning point for me. You are right, it is very hard, we as people are wired to fight or flee the discomfort, so it's important to continue the practice when I feel myself slipping.
I'll just explain how I do it to make it work - slowing down is the first step. So lets say I am experiencing a flare up, a physical sensation of pain or fatigue or whatever. After a while when I've noticed that I have actively been trying to avoid it, to turn away, to distract, I sit myself down (physically, turn away from the work computer, from the laptop), I find it works better if it is a calm place on my own, it's harder to do it when outside, around people... So, sit myself down, take deep breaths, close my eyes, and allow myself to focus on my internal world, that includes a conscious focus on my physical sensations. A sort of a focused check-in with the physical sensation in the sport where I can feel it most intensely. And I sit with it, I feel it, I say hi to it. I am not trying to get rid of it. I am curious. I attend to it, as Alan nicely says. I know that there is likely an emotion behind often, so I ask if the sensation can move to reveal the emotion behind it. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It often shifts, it often disappears completely. It's astounding how that happens.
I hope it makes sense? It's sometimes hard to do it on your own, this guided meditation has been very helpful for me -
 
Everly said:
Hey, hawaii. This practice was a massive turning point for me. You are right, it is very hard, we as people are wired to fight or flee the discomfort, so it's important to continue the practice when I feel myself slipping.
I'll just explain how I do it to make it work - slowing down is the first step. So lets say I am experiencing a flare up, a physical sensation of pain or fatigue or whatever. After a while when I've noticed that I have actively been trying to avoid it, to turn away, to distract, I sit myself down (physically, turn away from the work computer, from the laptop), I find it works better if it is a calm place on my own, it's harder to do it when outside, around people... So, sit myself down, take deep breaths, close my eyes, and allow myself to focus on my internal world, that includes a conscious focus on my physical sensations. A sort of a focused check-in with the physical sensation in the sport where I can feel it most intensely. And I sit with it, I feel it, I say hi to it. I am not trying to get rid of it. I am curious. I attend to it, as Alan nicely says. I know that there is likely an emotion behind often, so I ask if the sensation can move to reveal the emotion behind it. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It often shifts, it often disappears completely. It's astounding how that happens.
I hope it makes sense? It's sometimes hard to do it on your own, this guided meditation has been very helpful for me -
Click to expand...

During all these years I have tried to find different ways to heal. I found out that I usually tense my body automatically, and I find also helpful what you explain about stopping. And realize how is your body, are you tensing your jaw, neck, shoulders, belly?
I also like doing body scans, and also I am trying somatic experiencing therapy (Peter Levine therapy to heal traumatic events stored in the body), and giving space and attention to those
sensations is a way too to learn to accept them, observe them and realize they are also changing and are not stable, that come and go...

In my case the relationship with my body and my sensations is something I have started to work with after so many years.
 
Allund said:
During all these years I have tried to find different ways to heal. I found out that I usually tense my body automatically, and I find also helpful what you explain about stopping. And realize how is your body, are you tensing your jaw, neck, shoulders, belly?
I also like doing body scans, and also I am trying somatic experiencing therapy (Peter Levine therapy to heal traumatic events stored in the body), and giving space and attention to those
sensations is a way too to learn to accept them, observe them and realize they are also changing and are not stable, that come and go...

In my case the relationship with my body and my sensations is something I have started to work with after so many years.
Click to expand...

Hey, Allund. Sounds like you are on the right track, definitely. I suppose we have to be patient with ourselves, as you said, if it it something that we have started working on after so many years, it really is a big retraining process to our brains, who have been doing a flee or for me freeze reaction all throughout our childhoods and life's. So non judgmental but consistent practice will yield results. I Best wishes, we got this.
 
I used to have this audio guided meditation by Ashok Gupta called "Soften and Flow". Unfortunately, I don't have it anymore and he doesn't sell it separately from his program. But I have found this one by Christopher Germer to be almost as good.

https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/SoftenSootheAllow.mp3

I found that after doing the guided meditation for awhile, I could get to that place of acceptance, and often the pain would leave entirely for awhile. It was a very powerful reminder of the power of the mind to create or let go of pain.
 
I didn’t necessarily turn my pain into a game, but I did reframe it. I’d spent so many years feeling like life was emotionally and physically painful that - once I realized my true desire to live - I started to perceive my pain as a testament to my will. Even as my hands registered severe pain while typing, I’d say to myself, “My life is worth going through this pain. I am still here despite this pain. I didn’t even know I had so much inner strength, yet here I am… still here.” It’s difficult to explain, but it was a major achievement after seriously wishing for assisted suicide. In a way, I started to inspire my strength, which was a special feeling. I didn’t want to focus too much on the pain, but this was helpful when I couldn’t ignore it due to severity.

Note that this did require a belief in the mind-body connection as the root of my symptoms; otherwise, this wouldn’t have been successful for me.
 
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