Day 1 Acceptance (round 2)

[cnote]

Well, last year I bought Dr. Sarno's book and started reading it. While reading it, I was doing the tmswiki structured homework, daily. I probably did it for 2 to 3 weeks. Maybe 4 weeks tops and I stopped because I was doing 90% better. Some days I'd say I was 100%. But I just started doing life and stopped.

Sure I'd get a minor hiccup here and there, but I was feeling really good from September through December. 4 months of virtually little to no pain. This month has been sort of rough. I started flaring up again in my shoulders blades. Horrible knots everywhere and painful. They cause other surrounding muscles to tighten up too like my neck. It stinks.

Then my lower back has been acting up again too. I was told last year after I demanded an MRI of my lower spine, that I had a broad based bulge at my l4-5. Which means it's bulging out on both sides. Also it said I had mild narrowing around my spinal nerve from the bulge. And last it said mild degeneration on the l3 and l4-5. Which I think is common with aging in that part of the lumbar region. I'm 33 years old, male by the way.

Anyway, I accepted TMS last year and I think it really helped. But lately I have been paranoid my lower back is a legit issue. I also have some bladder issues with this. Feels like I have to urinate alot when my lower back acts up. Sometimes my stream is very weak too when urinating.

But... I know that those negative, fearful thoughts of "what if this is structurall? What if my nerves will have permanent damage one day? Is it a ticking time bomb? Will i be paralyzed one day? Why do I get knots now in my upper back? Is it fibro? Lymes?"

All those thoughts cause ANXIETY.

And I already have a bad underlying anxiety issue as it is.

I was pretty much diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 10 years ago by my Dr.

But I've gotten SO much better over the years. No more panic attacks. Maybe 1 a year? Or anything too bad.

That's why I think my TMS pain could be a new "manifestation" of my anxiety disorder.

If I've somehow repressed the panic attacks or major adrenaline surges etc... maybe my brain is just finding a new way to SCREAM at me?

I am totally accepting this as TMS!

This is round #2!!!

 

[cnote]

I want to add that my Dr. has NEVER been concerned with my MRI results.

He never said anything about surgery or anything. Matter of fact he said I'm too young and he said surgery doesn't always work and can cause further damage. I respect that honesty.

So, if my dr. Isn't concerned... then I shouldn't be. And I should TOTALLY 100% accept TMS.

 

[Watermelon]

It is good that you are back than and working the program.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, cnote. You've gotten good advice from your doctor. It sure looks like your pains are caused by TMS, some repressed emotions, and/or a perfectionist or "goodist" personality. Anxiety can cause physical pain, and is common among TMS pain sufferers. Besides everyone's own life stresses, we have the political insanity to cope with. We all have to develop skills to relax and think positively. Deep breathing is a basic technique for reducing anxiety. As for positive thinking, you need to stop worrying that you are never going to heal. Here is a recent post from a TMSer that should give you confidence in healing.

"I often get pain in my stomach as a TMS symptom. Last night I felt it coming on after I laid down to sleep. I asked myself what emotions I was feeling, then took several breaths directed at the spot that hurt, and it was gone in minutes! I slept peacefully all night and woke up without any pain. – wife and mother of two young children."