I had quite a breakthrough with my therapist today that I wanted to share with you all. As you know I have been doing with TMS for the last 20+ years, and never understanding why or what triggered it. Today, in therapy, I talked about my youngest daughter wanting to move out of the house for good, not just for college two hours away. I realized that all of my kids have abandoned me, and all within three years of each other. I also realize that being an empty-nester has its own trauma associated with abandonment. As a child, I was in foster care for a while because my mother had a nervous break down. My father had a horrible accident when I was three months old, and for a few years afterwards, he either was afraid of picking us up or us climbing on top of him, or he couldn't, due to horrific injuries. So of course, I attached to my mom, even though she wasn't in a healthy place to really emotionally care for me. I left the LDS church a year and half ago, and at first my husband was going to divorce me, because I left, which brought up another issue of abandonment, and which set my shoulder pains through the roof. Even though he has stayed with me, the fact that he was entertaining the idea, is what bothers me to this day. If any of you understand about Mormonism, when you get married in their temple, you make covenants that Will affect you and your family for a turn it he. And if you leave the church, you break those covenants and therefore cannot be with your family after you die. And since I abandoned my religion, I felt like God was abandoning me. I realize now that I have a huge issue with abandonment, since childhood, and I think I realized that is a catalyst for pain. My therapist thinks I have created this pain syndrome or at least my brain has to protect me from ever being abandoned, because if I'm in pain, no one will abandon me. It makes sense, and something that I am wanting to pursue. Have any of you dealt with abandonment issues, and what has been your experience, if you don't mind me asking?