A year of wavering between TMS and physical! No improvement. Losing hope.

@Time2be, this is exactly what I needed to read and learn this morning. I've been struggling with pain and the 'why's' and doing all kinds of emotional/psychological searching. The missing piece has been finding pleasure in daily life. I kept thinking, "I will do (fill in blanks) when I get better". I sense that getting better won't happen while I have the empty slate waiting to be filled later, rather than filling it up now despite the pain.

Thank you for your words of wisdom!

 

That’s the hardest part- faking it till you make it! My pain seems to ease, when I:

1. Acknowledge that it’s there
2. Soothe and comfort it
3. Don’t fear the pain
   
4. Do it anyway
5. Replace the fear with joy and excitement from goal setting (in that order)

I also think it helps to process tramautic events, since those are manor triggers, so the bain realizes the event is over and not to continually focus on it, as if it were just yesterday. Kind of like purging our brains of unnecessary painful memories that can then be turned into experiences that were just that - experiences that come as a mortal being.

 

I am glad that my remarks are helpful. And I also need to incorporate joy and fulfillment in my everyday life, I am still bad at this. But recognizing this already helped me a lot.
best
Pernille

 

It's been easy for me since I don't have to be anywhere, to 'just take a sick day' and it's stretched on and on and on.

Change is hard but I'm getting off my rear and being active today.

 

I think this is a wonderful expression of what Dr. Sarno's conversations with a patient:
P. "How do I get better?"
Dr. S. "What do you like to do?"
P. "Go skiing."
Dr. S. "Then in order to get better, go skiing!"

When I think of my own breakthroughs in applying Dr. Sarno's work, it was during three long retreats in the desert, in one of my favorite places on earth, here in Oregon. I took my camper and got out of my "life seeking treatment" and went camping. Yes, to find a cure, but in a place and way that is deeply satisfying for me: Alone in a stunningly beautiful place, chanting, meditating, in control of these aspects of my time and choices. Also as I got a little better, I immediately was hiking in this fantastic place, doing what I had not done in many years. I appreciate your words on this Time2be, because I had not recognized this "pleasure and nervous system" aspect of my personal journey quite so clearly.

 

This is wonderful!

 

Thanks Time2be! That is some great, deep insight! LOve it

 

Quoted (or rather bolded) for truth.

 

Thank you, Time2be, for the beautiful entry, reminding us all to live our lives with joy. Yes, for sure "go and have a life"
With joy,
Lainey

 

"Go and get a life!" It took some while before I really understood the seriousness of this advice. And I read this again in Steven Ozanich's "The Great Pain Deception". I says it several times in this book, here is a quote from page 294:
"Make certain not to make pain reduction the goal. This is yet another example of monitoring progress. What we are looking for with goal setting is rewarding activity - nothing more. The pain will eventually leave as a byproduct of increased activity, and confidence. Finish the goal whether the pain is present or not. Just do it!"
For me this also means to be more spontaneous. A colleague invited me yesterday for dinner the same evening at her place and usually I would have reacted to an invitation on such short notice that I unfortunately have to work on an article and wouldn't be able to make it. But this time I thought: What the heck, this article will be finished in due time and an evening with nice people will not make a difference for the article, but a difference in my well being. And it turned out to be an very nice evening. With actually almost no pain (byproduct!)
Pernille

 

Sometimes this would be easy if the pain wasn't so severe...

 

I totally understand that this really is a challenge, Click, when the pain is severe. I have sometimes bladder pain that is really severe. I had a few real bladder infections and they were nothing against this TMS pain in the bladder, the urethra and the pelvis. Sometimes I took a pain killer, but not really often, every second month like once or twice. These are situation where I also preferred to stay at home if possible. But otherwise I really try to pull through. I guess this was also the reason why I before, when I was not anxious about the pain, I was doing often quite well.

I think I must explain this: The pain started while writing my Phd thesis which is now 22 years ago. I was in agony. I went to doctors, but they kept on telling me that everything was fine. I started psychotherapy and it began to help, but only after one year. I continued with a real psychoanalysis (the psychoanalyst will not interfere, it is mostly the patient talking). I accepted that my pain is psychosomatic. I also had back pain for some months and sometimes also bowel pain. These two were the first that vanished - at least most of the time. There are sometimes flares, but nothing that is problematic. I also had years without bladder pain. Then I had a divorce, which was a really good decision, also no pain at that time. And then, when I started to be alone, bladder pain started again. Sometime for a week, e.g. when I had to give a paper or when I dated a man. And then in 2011 the pain wouldn't go away and I got anxious! And I made the mistake to look at the IC website and the forum and they told me that I probably have IC and that I need to keep the diet etc. And I tried that, and I also went to an urologist to get a proper diagnostic. The result was that I don't have IC. But they couldn't tell me what was wrong. I was in such an anxious state that I needed two more urologists to tell me the same: that there is nothing wrong with my bladder, my urethra or other parts of the pelvis. I went to physiotherapy and I also started to have psychotherapy again. This time with someone who is not working with psychoanalysis. It was the last urologist I visited that really made a difference and I felt that I could trust her and that my bladder issues are really psychosomatic. But this took a time. I struggled with food, I was afraid that wine or tomatos would make me flare. I am now working on addressing the psychological issues, getting a better balance between work and life and calming my nervous system down.
Now, the lesson I learned from my own story is that in the beginning, when I accepted I have psychosomatic condition, I was doing much better. It was not the perfect healing, because the underlying psychological issues were not addressed in the right way - not by me but I must say that psychoanalysis is far to intellectual for me because I am an intellectual person. I never had sick leave because of pain until I became anxious about the pain. Then suddenly I also had anxiety attacks. In the end also this experience with anxiety was helpful because now I really address the underlying issues and I am much more aware of the repressed anger, emotions etc. that cause the pain in the first place.
To make this long story short: in my experience the pain as such is most often not the reason why chose to stay at home. It had much more to do with anxiety and the general state of mind I was in.

 

I guess my point being the when the pain is so severe it's impossible to not to focus on the pain versus something psychological. I did a dumb thing and had back surgery so that sits in the back of my mind, but it is what it is. I try to do more by moving and get more active. I've been thru this before and this time it's the hardest. I had pain not only on the left butt area and back, but also in my foot and knee (opposite sides.) and both of those have dissipated and gone away. It was interesting to hear how some of your symptoms have left and some still persist. I wonder if that is the norm for may people. I hope others will chime in. I am listening to Sarno everyday and journalling 2 times a day for 20 minutes and trying to get more active. I did have one steroid injection and it helped, but wonder if it's temporary.....thanks for the beautiful replay. I appreciate it.

 

Hi Click, of course it is difficult to not focus on pain - otherwise we would not be in this situation
It seems you work very hard to get rid of the pain, listening to Sarno everyday, journalling twice a day. Maybe you should also include more relaxing periods. For me often the best attitude is: I don't care any more, pain or not, I do what I want to do. The thing is that for most of us it is not psychological in the sense of: now I feel my repressed emotions and then, in a minute, the pain is gone. It is not a simple causal mechanism, that is not how the brain works. So, staying calm is really important. I wish you the best luck and a lot of patience!

 

I would like to know one thing though.....with people that have low back pain, butt, hip whatever....is it the normal to feel the pain when bending and stretching...not only sitting or standing ? My brain has really got me because I hate to admit to you all that I am a nurse. This pain feels so "structural " like I have 2 fingers inside my back pulling & pinching the nerve. Somehow I will come through this on the other side because in my life as a nurse I saw so much. I took care of people that were so ill & made full recoveries. The power of the mind is phenomenal.

 

Don't they say doctors are the worst patients? Maybe this is also true for nurses
Don't you think that all kinds of movements can be painful if it is TMS? I don't know your history, but I guess you had diagnostics? And if you are in doubt, you could always ask a TMS practitioner. I know from my own history how important it is that a trustworthy authority (and that means someone who really has expertise in the field) tells you that the pain has a psychological cause.

 

Very normal and you have just described the conditioned response which is extremely common with mind body conditions it seems. I would guess you expect pain before you complete these actions such as bending and stretching. I'll provide a link below which explains it better, just in case you have not seen it.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-18-conditioned-responses.16609/ (New Program - Day 18: Conditioned Responses)