• Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
  • Welcome to the new TMS Wiki server! Things aren't finished yet: email is not set up, so notification and password-reset emails don't go out, and new registrations are paused until email is installed. Details and updates are in this thread (click here). Locked out? Email tmswikisignups@gmail.com from the address where you receive TMS Wiki notifications.

Day 2 A weird source of anger?

H

Hedger

Well known member
This is not going to be reflecting nicely upon me as a person, but I think its true and I would love some insights from others.

I have always been significantly intelligent, but not at all self aware or emotionally mature. After doing the TMS-work and also reading a lot of related literature I have become a lot more emotionally developed and "enlightened". With this comes anger from observing other peoples short comings in this area and how the world works. I have tried to think about this a bit. Why am I angry when other people close to me e.g. are lying to themselves to avoid facing the truth? I would love to instead feel empathy towards them and their cooping mechanism. It´s not that I don't feel empathy in other situations, I just don't in this one. I can feel very warm towards others when they are vulnerable and real, admitting short comings or similar. Then I feel highly of them, respect. I know what it takes to admit things like that, it hurts.

So, the anger. Could it be that I am doing the "hard work" and facing those truths (which hurts, is difficult, takes energy) while they get away without anyone putting them on the spot? Some sort of moral frustration? Is it resentment from thinking they are cowards, irresponsible? Is it jealousy from having to do the work while others are not? Is it anger towards injustice: they get away with behaviors I don't?

But its my choice to do the hard work, its fucking self inflicted. I could also go around lying to myself to avoid truths. No one has demanded this hard work from me. So its irrational that I´m angry at others. Or is it displaced anger? Am I really angry at myself?

Nietzsche said insights could lead to nihilism, resentment and rage towards a lying world. Also Schopenhauer said intelligent people suffer more, they see through the illusions. So I guess many have been philosophical around this subject.

I don't want to become bitter. I want to feel empathy and warmth. But not at the expense of repressing that anger with TMS. I want to integrate it and move forward! Or stop the hard work and down 10 beers and be irresponsible ;D.
 
Hedger said:
Or is it displaced anger? Am I really angry at myself?
Click to expand...
Hi Hedger!
Great post! You were doing some really great work and being honest like this and vulnerable is Exceptionally good. There’s a saying in the 12 step programs that what you hate in other people is usually what you hate in yourself. I always resent that saying, but I have found it to be true for me. You are making progress in changing —so you should at least be happy about that.

Another thing people have talked about on this forum is that doing the work kind of opens the door to anger in general— And sometimes you just feel increased anger in your life toward people.

My last idea is this: Repressed Anger shows up in all sorts of ways; Road rage, Taking it out on the waitress, Being mad about little things that strangers do. Usually, these are all signs that someone has a lot of rage deep inside. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but I’ll just throw that out there.

Glad you’re doing the hard work and sharing it. I hope anything I said could help.
 
Last edited:
Ok I have had these thoughts a lot myself. I do see a therapist and have asked why do I need to spend so much time sorting out my life, why is this such a thing for me, while others live incredibly stressed and unbalanced lives and they look like they are doing just fine. I don’t get it. She never really gave me an answer except they might be coping in ways I don’t see or it could catch up to them eventually and to focus on why I am doing the work. If I think too hard about it too, I can feel really frustrated.
 
Hedger said:
Could it be that I am doing the "hard work" and facing those truths (which hurts, is difficult, takes energy) while they get away without anyone putting them on the spot?
Click to expand...

I think there might be 2 things there: one is what Diana said about the reservoir of rage. The other a defense mechanism about your close ones being different and not caring about what is so important for you. And maybe there's something deeper. I for example really dislike how my friends talk in a very internety way, using the same memes and talking about the same things other groups are talking. But in reality my hate is not on them. It's about a world who became obsessed with the online, and how I feel very lonely by not engaging with that. When we find the reason for certain emotion it feels quite on the face. But finding it is never easy. The ego will relentlessly get in the way.
 
Clover said:
She never really gave me an answer except they might be coping in ways I don’t see or it could catch up to them eventually and to focus on why I am doing the work
Click to expand...
IMO, this is the correct response. Notice that I said response, NOT answer. There is simply no knowable answer to your question. This is the truth about reality, and in my personal experience, recovery requires accepting the truth about reality.

Comparing yourself to others is simply not conducive to recovery. It's a variation of the "What if?" catastrophizing that keeps a brain in panic mode. Ultimately it's just a distraction, designed by your TMS brain to keep you angry and frustrated and paddling around up in the shallow end of emotions.

In her new book (Mind Your Body) Nicole Sachs has this quote from the book White Hot Truth by Danielle LaPorte: “Transformation begins with the radical acceptance of what is.”
 
Hey @Hedger
I too find myself annoyed and angry more. Welcome to feeling emotions you didn't used to let yourself feel!
I think it's perfectly normal to be ticked off, just feel it and let it pass. Don't pay it much mind - emotions are just energy in motion and once you just let it pass through you, it completely looses it's importance. I don't really attach much thought to it.
People have problems, people have issues. They aren't mine to solve. It might piss me off for a minute when directed my way, then I move on.
 
Hedger said:
So its irrational that I´m angry at others. Or is it displaced anger? Am I really angry at myself?
Click to expand...

Hedger--

Your reflection really struck me — especially this part:

“So it’s irrational that I’m angry at others. Or is it displaced anger? Am I really angry at myself?”

That’s good and honest question. It shows you’re not just reacting, but examining what’s underneath your feelings — and that’s exactly the kind of emotional work that most people never even attempt.

From a perspective like REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), we often look at how strong emotional reactions like anger are fueled by beliefs— sometimes rigid ones.
I've learned REBT and it goes hand in hand with understanding TMS, in my opinion. I wanted to drop a line here- I'm going to think about this more and will post my thoughts later this weekend.
 
I got "OMG lose my shit" angry yesterday. There was nothing I could do do talk myself off the ledge. I have lost a lot of the ability to lie to myself. I didn't know what to do with the anger. It is one of the scariest feelings, because if I open my mouth during those moments, I cause a lot of harm. Then I feel guilty, or as Sarno says "secretly we fear retaliation". SO, I am gonna whine directly to GOD and ask him to smite them down with a lightning strike. Complain about my unjust lot in life. I am Cain. Everybody else is Abel.

That's when I make New appeals to God ....to help me shut my mouth and have faith that no matter how angry I am it has always resolved itself in the future , and remind me that anything I did to 'Help' along MY perceived good outcome has always made it worse,.....so I pray for the strength to STFU and do nothing. The Tao comes to mind, and then it disappears "The sage goes around doing nothing, saying nothing, therefore everything is complete" I do NOT stop thinking about it...i actually think MORE about it and eventually get to the Reductio ad absurdum out the other end and it goes away the good way....by feeling it through...start to finish.

They are wrong....This is how and why they are wrong.....Fuck them all to hell and back.. Kill them...... Now I have disposed of them and their foolishness....now there's only me.
Fuck. I am stuck with this guy again !



This is no short thing...it sometimes takes an hour or three. That's OK....better that then a week worth of TMS.

Hedger said:
observing other peoples short comings in this area and how the world works.
Click to expand...
 
Rinkey said:
What was the Activating Event??
Click to expand...
I work FOR my son right now.
without boring you, the short version is he said something about someone who did a Job I was supposed to do.... he said " They did an OK job. They're easy to get along with...they just do what they're told without a lot of flack" which of course my Brain turned into "You give me a lot of flack"

I am the highest paid person on a lot of these Jobs....I push hard to keep my value up, but I am not always the nicest co-Jobsite guy...if other guys are being slow or goofing off, in my way? I get awfully pushy. There are guys on his crew that I have fired in the past for not getting it..My son is way more tolerant of others than I am. All subtly felt but not spoken stuff and Sarno outlined it in detail in the Psychology portion of "Healing back Pain"

One time a drummer joined my band. My bandmates said that when I wasn't there He said "I don't think marc likes me...he never says anything about my playing"
They laughed and said "If marc doesn't have anything to say? That makes you the best drummer on earth!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top