A tale in un-people pleasing

Hi TMS Community,

A benefit of this site is to hear about all wins - big and small - and hope some of them will inspire others. Here is a little tale in un-people pleasing.

Our local theatre turned to a 100% reservation system about 6 months ago. I show up today with two kids and I see another mom and her kid in our seats. At first I thought I'd take the side seats (instead of the nice middle seats I reserved). Then, I quickly realized that it made me mad. Instead of just grinning bearing it, I asked the lady to move.

She didn't want to. The people in front of her turned around and said "hey, I just took the seats that were available". Instead of succumbing to the pressure as I always do (and worrying what others thought), I showed her my tickets and said I would like to have my seats. That way, I do not have to move if others arrive and I am in their seats. She asked her young son and he did not want to move. I understand. I am a mom too.

It dawned on me that I have been catering to these kind of people my whole life. I would have apologized and moved right away if I made a seating mistake. Instead, I had to stand there and be firm. When she realized I wasn't backing down or succumbing to the peer pressure of others who were trying to make me feel bad, she finally moved. I had two kids with me too. I get that kids want good seats.

The new me felt good for standing up for something that was rightfully mine. The old me would have sat in the side seats and would have felt angry the whole movie. I admit that I second guessed what I did but why should I cater to people like this? I shouldn't. You are in my seats. Move. No supression. No anger. No anxiety. Being authentic and standing up for yourself is key to avoid brushing your real feelings under the rug.

Some food for thought for today.

Best,
AC45

 

Good for you for standing up for Yourself! Of course, I would have probably taken the side seats (as you said the old you would have done)and stewed about it the whole movie. Of course my back would have been hurting the whole time too because that's what happens when I'm stressed (or mad). Thanks for your story!

 

I´ve been in that sort of situations so many times... A couple of weeks ago my wife and me went out for dinner. The place was crowded with some kind of group celebration so the waiters were very busy. We sat on the table ordered our food and after 45 minutes it seemed that they had forgot about us. I wouldn´t have said anything in the past but that day I told them that if our dinner wasn´t there in 10 minutes we`d leave the place. Our dinner was there in less than 5 minutes and we were invited to our drinks. The good thing is that I didn´t feel bad at all afterwards and this is a huge change in me. Being assertive and setting boundaries to people is so important...

 

What gets me about this is that she asked her kid about what he wanted! Since when did parents let kids decide what is ethical or just the right thing to do or not? Good on you for standing up! In the past, I too would have just taken the side seats. I think she was rude and impertinent and sadly, is teaching her kid to be that way, too. These days, I would stand up like you had. Nervously, yes, but justified? Definitely. Well done.