Today when I read the quick excerpt from mizlorinj about the importance of looking into one's childhood, she said that she initially found her childhood to be quite happy, but started uncovering things through journaling. And I think I may have brushed this off the first time I did the SEP, but she suggests very simple things like being picked on or bullied, or were we ever betrayed by a friend. And I went back into my TMS lists from before (and added a few today) in the Past Events category. And looking over them, it made me realize that I think because I had a great family/home life as a child, I dismissed the fact that things may have been kind of rough sometimes outside the home. I mean I don't think I was necessarily singled out more than other kids by jerks, but I think more of it happened that I'd remembered, and I think a lot of incidents I took to heart and incorporated into my view of myself. There was a good handful of getting picked on for various clothes/weight/image things. Bullying by a thoughtless advisor. And actually a fair number of times where I lost all of my friends for various reasons: In second grade the schools split, When in Spain all my US friends wrote me letters threatening to abandon me because I was drinking, Drama between me and my core set of girlfriends in high school causing a pretty huge rift, Having to leave all my new friends in Spain, Changing schools a few times in early childhood for school district reasons, Being singled out (and feeling betrayed) by the stupid youth pastor because I supported gay rights (and no one standing up for me). Some of these I remember REALLY having an affect on me, others are too far back to really remember, but it seems like fairly periodically things like this were happening. So yeah, I do think I had a generally happy childhood, especially because I did have a nurturing family at home, but I'm starting to realize it was riddled with plenty of perceived abandonments and betrayals. I think I'll be focusing on these more closely this time around.