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A picture of what chronic pain has cost me

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by nancydrewcrackthiscase, Sep 20, 2020.

  1. A3BD9AA2-E382-4AD5-9A7A-0B9006E3B1D2.jpeg [​IMG]

    https://imgur.com/a/bXi23DY (imgur.com)

    I actually started this program in July 2019. Then I fell off the bandwagon, continued with a chiropractor, and even found a diet that “worked.” Anyways, I’m back and now I truly believe I have TMS. It’s technically day 1 and I’m reading week 1 of Unlearn Your Pain, along with listening to Curable podcasts. I took a picture of all the products I currently have in my house along with a little essay. If anyone also wants to vent about what TMS has cost them, both monetary and not, feel free to let it out and comment below. Love to you all.

    This picture shows all the money that I have spent trying pills, creams, electric shocks, tinctures, and protective barriers to reduce my pain. It’s a small representation of how desperate I was to return to my “normal” life. Ice packs and heating pads have touched my skin more than any other human being. I’ve looked through fluorescent light blocking glasses that kept me from seeing the truth. I’ve drugged myself to sleep, hoping that my brain would reset itself. I’ve jammed tennis and golf balls into muscles to get them to release and relax. I carried medicine with me at all times in case an “attack” occurred while I was out. I changed glasses and contact prescriptions. I’ve tried many different pillows and massage tools. I’ve taken daily supplements and vitamins along with pills when the pain presented itself. I got a medical marijuana card, swearing that would cure it all. I’ve electrocuted my forehead into submission, treating my brain like a misbehaved dog who needed shock therapy. I filled my room with countless essential oils.

    What this picture doesn’t show is the other things that MBS has cost me. Not only the medicines or products that I finished and threw away. There are also social events I missed, social events that I went to and didn’t enjoy because I was in pain, vacations I missed out on by not being present. The days out of work. The days at work where I was in pain. The money I lost from being unemployed for a year and a half. The ways it’s cost my parter. The number of hours driving to and from doctors appointments, pharmacies, and the ER. The number of hours I spent waiting at doctors offices and pharmacies and the ER. The amount of money I spent on these visits, medications, and injections. The amount of hope that came with the promise of a new doctor, procedure, or medicine. The amount of disappointment that came when the pain persisted. The number of hours I spent lying in the dark waiting for the pain to subside. The number of alternative treatments, herbs, and foods that ingested. The number of diets that I tried, like elimination, low tyramine, and Angela Stanton protocol. The different oil diffusers I bought because they were too loud or didn’t pump out enough scent. The number of candles I’ve blown out and air fresheners I’ve unplugged at other people’s houses. The number of peaceful hours that I missed by filling them with anxiety instead. The times I asked my husband to not wear cologne, even though I loved it. The events like bachelorettes and weddings, even my own, where I couldn’t drink and eat freely because I was so scared that it would cause pain. The weight I’ve gained because I couldn’t work out consistently and I would drown my sorrows in food. The number of diagnoses that came from myself and over 25 different doctors. When I look at these products, I realize that each one was a tool to help me handle stress.

    I have MBS/TMS and I can cure myself. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a healthy 28 year old. I will throw away all these empty promises and invest in myself.
    TrustIt, TG957, Lainey and 1 other person like this.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi ndctcase,
    I feel your frustration, pain, cost, etc.

    I put together a sheet to summarize all the physicians I went to, before engaging the TMS process. Here it is.
    http://www.tmspainrelief.com/wp-content/uploads/Andy-Bayliss-Abreviated-History-of-Foot-Pain.pdf This does not include the alternative methods.

    I can also list off the top of my head: Graston, myofascial release, massage, Egoscue, lazar, taping, diet including stopping sugar for almost a year, soaking feet in oils every night for months, Novocain "nerve reset" injections. I used crutches, wheel chairs, night splints, etc. I think I spent 20K in a year or two, just on the alternatives and copays, airplane tickets to then next physician.

    To document the useless methods might serve a few purposes: Seeing them as one big cluster of "what does not work:" regardless of their various flavors they have that in common. The endless effort to fix, and the fixation on symptoms, which is part of the TMS personality. The readiness to leave it all behind and engage in something completely "non physical" because we can see all these other things as the same, failed approach.

    The good news is that you're getting to the point where you're seeing all this is a great big distraction from the understanding which might help you. And going deep with the programs will probably help you at some very deep levels, besides with the symptoms.

    Congratulations for getting back on the programs. For most of us, it is the only way forward.

    TG957 and Lainey like this.
  3. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    That is an interesting insight. How does stress, the need to manage it, and anxiety all work together to perpetuate our situations??? And can we find a better way to handle stress? Be with ourselves in our stress and fear?
  4. mugwump

    mugwump Well known member

    It's not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.
    bntrunnelle likes this.
  5. mbo

    mbo Well known member

    Well said mugwump !
    The issue it not the stress itself... but our unconscious rage/fury/anger against the stress, specially when "things" don't go our way and when people don't do what we want them to do.
    No more .... and no less !

  6. Miss Metta

    Miss Metta Peer Supporter

    What bothers me is the effects of quitting. Essentially my situation with TMS is that the waters are muddied up with real conditions and I no longer trust either diagnosis; TMS or medicine. I made the mistake earlier this year of assuming that my gut pain
    was just TMS again, because it was similiar to every other TMS gut episode I've had in the past. Only this time it wasn't. I nearly didn't go for a CT scan, assuming it was just old TMS acting up again. But I did go for the scan and I had appendicitis. This was a shock. Not only that, when the appendix was removed two months later, it was found to have a polyp on it that would have become a rare cancer. Appendix cancer is generally not detected until it's spread. But along with the appendicitis and since the operation, my bowel has stopped working. The surgeon believes it preceded the appendix, not started post-surgery as I believe, though she agrees it's become worse.
    So I'm supposed to take certain laxatives and they don't work. This is a bit perplexing and frightening. Laxatives should work, right? They don't. My bowel has shut down. So much so that the colonoscopy I had a few days ago was not clear even though I was put on an extended fast and extra bowel clear out prep after previous colonoscopy prep also failed.
    According to medicine, though yet to be confirmed - I have to have some more tests - I have slow-transit colon.
    According to TMS theory, I should stop taking laxatives - they do eventually work but I have to take a lot of them every day.
    But the price of stopping is a backed-up bowel, incredible pain, and a host of other issues which I've already experienced.
    So I don't know what to do or what to think, is this TMS or truly a medical, functional problem related to something else?
    I don't want to take laxatives but if I don't, and I've tried thinking along TMS lines and just letting my body do it's thing, everything backs up and becomes very painful and my surgeon wants me to take them.
    It's a bind. Literally.

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