A nerve zing/pain feeling in one tooth- very concerned

[JanAtheCPA]

Right on, Cactusflower. And

What is holding you back?

Seriously, @tgirl. This is not a rhetorical question!

 

[tgirl]

What is holding me back is a fair question. Over time I feel I have done work on my anxious brain. I’ve read many books such as Claire Weekes and understand the concept of not adding fear to fear. I’ve read Dr Sarno and on and on. I’ve done a lot of counselling as well. The problem is when something I perceive as physically disabling or painful happens, something I can’t change, I panic. I think I have a deep-seated fear of dying a painful or debilitating death, one where no one can help me. My mind still goes to the negative and I’d love to be free of this. I believe I have low confidence where health situations are concerned. Health fears have been with me for years. I don’t know how others finally found a way to shake this off.

 

[Cactusflower]

“think I have a deep-seated fear of dying a painful or debilitating death, one where no one can help me.”

This is why you need to go beyond the idea that it is just health anxiety.
You have anxiety, not just in one place in your life. I think you have skirted around the real TMS work, which isn’t uncommon with TMS and a protective brain. One thing to remember is that this is about the internal stress you generate, and the beliefs and ideas your conscious vs unconscious (and subconscious) mind have created about your self.
I notice that you seem to cling to the notion that you have “health anxiety” - can you reframe this to the idea that you have experienced health anxiety. It is not you, it is not part of your personality -it is merely a state of mind you experience which is vastly different from clinging to and identifying with it. Can you own that perhaps you are also experiencing a more generalized anxiety and that your OCD tendencies may go beyond heath to other repetitive thoughts that over time, just seem normal. So normal it becomes hard to witness them in ourself.
Will you allow yourself to open to new ideas of healing and dealing with your nervous system and emotions overall - and learn a new way about how you think about yourself? Accept that you may just be on a continuation to breaking the inner cycles that seem concentrated only on health but represent a greater need?

When we can be vulnerable and see how we can make our internal lives so much better, and be heady to be completely honest with ourselves (and accept the peace of mind it offers), things change.

Therapy is only part of this journey, Claire Weekes can be part of it but unless you were working with a TMS informed therapist, you have not yet begun to break the cycle.
This thread has offered great guidance for the work, but I really haven’t seen you comment on that. Just constantly repeat you are scared and does anyone have the same thing as you.
That gets you nowhere. It is just spinning wheels.
Now it is up to you. Are you worth the commitment to the work to yourself?

 

[JanAtheCPA]

This thread has offered great guidance for the work, but I really haven’t seen you comment on that. Just constantly repeat(ing) you are scared and does anyone have the same thing as you. That gets you nowhere. It is just spinning wheels.

Agree 100%

I feel I have done work on my anxious brain.

Yeah, right. And you keep telling yourself this, and you keep coming back to us and trying to convince us of this, and what we're trying to tell you is that whatever work you think you've done is shallow and intellectual in nature.

I don't know how else to get through to you other than by being brutally blunt at tbis point.

You've never shown any signs of emotional vulnerability. If you want to know what that looks like, then read any of the threads started by @Diana-M. This is someone who is willing to really do the work. There is also a new success story from @Joima, who has also been really doing the work.

Oh, but wait, you "can't" risk exposing yourself to other people's stories in case they are too frightening for you! You know, when I read that in your first post on this thread, I literally shook my head, sighed, said to myself "Well, here's someone who doesn't get it and who will never get there". That was my gut reaction, and of course I didn't post it because that would have been an inappropriate instant judgment call on someone who I understand is really struggling, so I let it go to see how you progressed. Which of course you have not. So I'm pretty sure that my gut instinct was correct.

Because that early statement completely exemplifies your problem. As long as you're too terrified to risk exposing yourself to information or emotions which rationally can't possibly harm you in any physical way, you will not ever recover. Your brain is actually convinced that experiencing emotional distress is harmful to your survival. It is too primitive to understand that this is no longer true. However, it must in fact have been true at some point in your past, and that's where you need to go.

The sad and ultimately tragic truth that I've learned over many years is that the OCD brain is extremely resistant to any kind of emotional vulnerability. This is due to learning to shut down all emotions as a result of adverse childhood experiences.

This is what the ACEs questions reveal and have any of us suggested those to you? Just Google "NPR ACEs quiz", read the article, and take the test. It's quick, but you have to be honest in your answers, otherwise there's no point.

OCD personalities are really skilled at going to counseling and managing to avoid any kind of emotional vulnerability because it's just too fucking frightening for their locked down brains. Until you commit to real therapy no matter how terrifying it is, you will not heal. I am not a mental health professional so I actually have no business making that diagnosis, but this is the truth about reality and if you want to change your life, you need to completely change what you're doing because this ain't working.

In order to truly recover you're going to need to find a safe and highly skilled therapeutic environment in which expose yourself to the emotions which terrify you. Self help just is not going to do it for you. I'm truly sorry.

 

[Diana-M]

Thank you Booble and Cactusflower. I’m so glad you both ‘healed’ from the tooth pain. It’s so stressful. My dentist said the tooth seems fine but he’s not sure what the nervy pain is. He’s not sure. That doesn’t instill confidence.

Hi @tgirl,
If you read John Sarno’s Divided Mind, he emphasizes that nerves—in addition to tendons and muscles—are all common places for TMS to manifest. Teeth all have nerves, so fair game. Last time I had a crown, it hurt like heck for 6 months after. I just ignored it, because I suspected TMS was talking. It went away eventually. But if you suffer from really bad health anxiety, even if your tooth stops hurting, something new will show up to scare you. You have to address the big picture. The big TMS picture. It’s in any of Sarno’s books.

 

[Diana-M]

I think I have a deep-seated fear of dying a painful or debilitating death, one where no one can help me.

I have this same fear, @tgirl. It’s so miserable! For me, it’s severe anxiety caused by childhood trauma. I’m working on it with therapy.

 

[tgirl]

Jan, Diana and Cactusflower, I’d like to thank all of you for posting your thoughts. I appreciate it.

Diana, if you have the same fears as me, I agree, it’s miserable. I’m sure my childhood trauma and anxiety have a lot to do with my present GAD/OCD/health anxiety. You’re right about one symptom stopping and another starting. Believe me, I’ve given that a lot of thought. I need to go back to therapy, just have to find a good one.

Cactusflower, I have talked to a TMS counsellor and it was somewhat encouraging, but as I’m sure we all know finding a good counsellor is like finding a needle in a haystack. I’ve spoken with some good ones and some not so good. I guess it’s like any profession. And I absolutely agree with you, this thread has a lot of useful information on it that deserves to be reread by me. You mentioned GAD and it’s something I believe I suffer from, but it probably shows itself most strongly in the form of health anxiety. OCD does raise its ugly head as well in that I have control issues in life in general. Right now we are on a driving vacation and have made it as far as Indiana. To be honest my cell service isn’t great, so my access has been limited and posting can be difficult.

Jan, I unfortunately agree with you, at times anyway. I wonder if I can heal since I’ve felt fine for a while only to feel abject terror once again. I always justify it by saying this time it’s different, my physical issue is a lot worse this time. I know this is defeatist and I have to address this with a therapist. I don’t think I express vulnerability on this site, but I know that I have with therapists and even with my sister and good friend.

I have a question that I’d like to put out there. I don’t know the answer to it. As we age the chance of getting a physical disorder increases. I wonder how people handle this uncertainty. Do they generally think, oh well, I got so and so disease, I guess since I’m aging that makes sense, and then just go on with life? I find that uncertainly almost unbearable at times, especially if I have symptoms of something. Let’s face it, something is going to get each of us. Does it just go back to acceptance? Sorry, but this is a legit concern I have as I’m 65.

Thanks again for your time!

 

[Booble]

I discovered something today and thought I’d post it here. Gigalos (one of our members) posted some information about massaging certain muscles to deal with various tooth pain. Well my fingers are crossed that something he posted will work for me. It seems that my temporal muscle on the left side is tight and actually has knots in it. If I push it with my thumb it hurts. Apparently this area corresponds to the exact tooth that has been giving me problems. The other side of my head feels fine. I’m the biggest skeptic in the world, but it seems like I may have hit on something. If so, thank you Gigalos.

I found all sorts of muscles that led to my tooth pain but massaging isn't going to do anything for you but distract you for a few minutes.
The muscles are tightening or inflaming or whatever they are doing because of the emotional things and all the massaging in the world isn't going to stop it.
#HardTruth

 

[Booble]

TMS + Health Anxiety is a thing. Some of us have both.
TMS without health anxiety = I have this awful pain (or other symptom). What can I do to make it go away. Let me try this, and this, and this, and this and this. It's not going away. Let me try this and this and this and this too. Darn it still hurts. Let me ask more people what I should do. Let me try this and this and this. It's still not going away. I better stop using my back, my arm, my leg, my neck, my whatever. Why isn't this going away? I must need a better specialist...it's still not going away.

TMS with health anxiety = I have this awful pain (or other symptom) . Oh fuck, I wonder if it's because I have ____ deadly disease fear #1_______. Why do I have this, why oh why oh why. It's not going away.... it could also be _____ deadly disease fear #2________. OMG this is getting bad. OMG. OMG. Let me find other people who have had this and it went away......OMG some people that have this symptom DO have _____deadly disease fear #1______. OMG OMG OMG. Maybe it's not that. What can I do to make it stop. What have others done. Symptom search. Symptom search. Symptom Search. Let me try this and this and this. IT'S NOT WORKING. IT MUST BE __deadly disease fear #1___. Search, search, search search. Maybe I'll find some others that had this symptom and it went away. search, search, search. OMG OMG OMG. HELP! HELP!


They both require the same TMS work.
That will lessen or stop the symptom(s).

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I wonder how people handle this uncertainty.

Well, they either do or they don't, depending entirely on the circumstances of the condition and on their personal circumstances and personality characteristics. I can tell you that psychological research shows that people with a proactive attitude to recovery, along with a strong belief in their own ability to heal, recover from (or at least manage) conditions much better (and recover faster when recovery is possible) significantly better than individuals who give in to doom and gloom and hold on to an expectation that someone else is responsible for "fixing" them. You'll be in this second group unless you can make a major change in your mindset.

I will also answer this same question as it applies to death. Death and Mortality - it is one of the four primary psychological issues of humans, according to the theories of Existential Psychotherapy. I am also terrified by the concept of my own death, and have been since I was young enough to grasp the concept. I'm hardly special or unusual in that regard. Everyone, on some level, is afraid of death. You are also not special in this regard. The reason we are all afraid of death is because our brains were built to help us survive at all costs. Not for any high purpose, mind you, but simply to be fruitful and multiply. But that's a digression, and don't let me get started on it.

Look, anyone who claims they are not afraid of their own mortality is not being truthful. Fear of death is probably at the top of the list of things that our TMS brains repress for our own good. If humans all sat around obsessing over our inevitable mortality, we would never have survived as a race. It's actually just that simple.

It would seem that a small group of humans in each culture, starting who knows how many tens of thousands of years ago, took it upon themselves to ponder this mystery on behalf of everyone else. Why else do you think that religion evolved? It's our attempt to explain the mystery of our awareness, and to provide some kind of hope and/or comfort about our inevitable demise.

I'm not into organized religion myself, and my favorite thing to say on the topic is probably not very acceptable to most of them anyway: which is that when it comes to the knowledge of our mortality, our awareness is not necessarily the blessing it's made out to be, and that ignorance would, in fact, be bliss.

So how do I handle it? Apart from that rather cynical outlook? Mostly it's not in my conscious thoughts: that's the natural repression, working as it should. When it surfaces, which is at odd times, and if I am feeling vulnerable and like I'm at risk of being overwhelmed by the fear, I simply think about all of the people who have died before me - the ones I've known and loved, and the uncounted unknown ones, including my ancient ancestors. Contemplating that lineage is kind of awe-inspiring. Which is actually a very good counterpoint to negate the fear response. You might call it a distraction, but it's a positive and conscious distraction that is not about completely repressing the initial fearful thoughts - it's just a way to turn the thoughts around and think about them differently.

This has become an automatic response on my part - just like thinking "probably TMS" is an automatic response when I have a physical sensation that momentarily worries me. Another thing I can think about is to remember how my mother (who died ten years ago at age 93) was willing to talk about death with me when I was young, and how awesome is that? I can't remember many specifics, but I do remember the calm and nurturing aura that she projected. Mind you, this is the same mother who was so anxious (for legit reasons) during her first pregnancy that I ended up being born with anxiety, but by the time she'd popped out three younger siblings she was a pro. She had a great life and was a great parent.

So here's a real question for you @tgirl - and for your own sake, be honest: when you think about yourself as a child, which is when we become aware of the concept of death, how did your parents help you with it? Your response should only be about your parents, not about the details of your fear. Seriously. You can (you probably should) write about those details in your private journaling as much as you want, because doing so might help you circle in on the real shit, but we don't need to be in on that journey.

In other words, in order to answer this question, control your brain's desire to have you avoid the heart of the issue. You may, in fact, need to do some expressive and honest writing in order to answer it.

 

[Diana-M]

As we age the chance of getting a physical disorder increases. I wonder how people handle this uncertainty.

@tgirl - this is life’s ultimate question. We are all traumatized by our mortality. It’s the gorilla in the room. Uh…. Folks…. We’re all gonna die. It’s a hard thing to live with. When we’re young, we just hide from it. Stuff it. Party it off. Whatever. But not so easy to avoid as you get older. Sarno said that aging alone could cause TMS. @JanAtheCPA calls the sixties “the age of rage.” I love this! (I’m 65 also!) We are pissed off we are aging. I journaled about it today. I’ve never done that before. It felt great! In the end, everyone has to find their own peace. I guess that’s what faith, religion, philosophies are for. You have to find what you believe in and draw strength and peace from that to deal with your mortality. (That’s my 2 cent answer. )

 

[Diana-M]

simply think about all of the people who have died before me - the ones I've known and loved, and the uncounted unknown ones, including my ancient ancestors. Contemplating that lineage is kind of awe-inspiring. Which is actually a very good counterpoint to negate the fear response.

Jan, I love this! Beautiful! I’m gonna use this.

 

[Cactusflower]

I have chosen not to suffer into aging. I had no idea that is what I was probably doing.
My work is youthful, old people don’t do what I do and so my identity as well as health (all women in my family live fairly long but have heart issues) my Dad passed away from Parkinson’s, my husbands Dad and both Grandpas died of disease… but they did not live their healthiest best lives mentally or physically. I have insight!
I can choose to not suffer mentally about aging.
I can look for the role models who are living awesome aging lives. Yes they get pain, but they don’t suffer chronically from it.
Although not a runner, there is a 102 year old marathon runner who inspires me, a female marathon runner who didn’t start until she was 70 (now into her 90’s), a friend who now walks distances and eats healthy because she witnessed my own health transform through exercise and diet.. she now walks 5k’s weekly (and has for years, is 65 and as healthy as a 20 year old.
I am in chronic pain yet I am choosing my health. I put myself first and do the work, did therapy (and will do it again if I need to), exercise even in chronic pain, I have learned so many wonderful interpersonal skills. I chose to not be the victim, and broke free of that mentality.
There are days it creeps back in, but that doesn’t last long. Instead of dreading and fearing the journey of humanity I have chosen to embrace it.

 

[Diana-M]

I have chosen not to suffer into aging. I had no idea that is what I was probably doing.
My work is youthful, old people don’t do what I do and so my identity as well as health (all women in my family live fairly long but have heart issues) my Dad passed away from Parkinson’s, my husbands Dad and both Grandpas died of disease… but they did not live their healthiest best lives mentally or physically. I have insight!
I can choose to not suffer mentally about aging.
I can look for the role models who are living awesome aging lives. Yes they get pain, but they don’t suffer chronically from it.
Although not a runner, there is a 102 year old marathon runner who inspires me, a female marathon runner who didn’t start until she was 70 (now into her 90’s), a friend who now walks distances and eats healthy because she witnessed my own health transform through exercise and diet.. she now walks 5k’s weekly (and has for years, is 65 and as healthy as a 20 year old.
I am in chronic pain yet I am choosing my health. I put myself first and do the work, did therapy (and will do it again if I need to), exercise even in chronic pain, I have learned so many wonderful interpersonal skills. I chose to not be the victim, and broke free of that mentality.
There are days it creeps back in, but that doesn’t last long. Instead of dreading and fearing the journey of humanity I have chosen to embrace it.

Cactusflower, this is wonderful! I have bookmarked it to read often!

 

[tgirl]

Wow, the well thought out posts here are amazing.

Bobble, thanks for explaining the difference between TMS with and without health anxiety.

Jan, I love your statement about reflecting on your lineage and of the people who died before you. Interesting take on it. Myself, I don’t want to die, but I think I’m more fearful of how I’ll do it than the actual dying. I don’t want it protracted and full of suffering. Very scary for me. Also, I feel I should clarify something. I am the only one responsible for my health and have never felt anyone should save me. Sorry if I come across as someone who needs saving. I’ve always felt that I am my own responsibility. Eating properly, doing exercise, keeping a normal weight etc. are things I’ve always done. I’m very fit for 65. If it’s going to be it’s up to me. I have felt that working hard at maintaining good health will result in just that, good health, so when a health issue crops up that really can’t be explained that’s when I become fearful and want input from others. Weird symptoms are my downfall and make me panic.

Cactusflower, it sounds like you have a great attitude about living in general. It’s admirable. In all honesty I don’t feel I play the victim either. I try to live life to the fullest, filling it with adventure, friends and healthy living. Right now we are taking our airstream to the southern states for several weeks (poor cell service, so I’m squeezing it in now). Again, for me it’s the fear of physical suffering that can grab me when I least expect it.

Diana, I’m probably pissed off about aging as well, but as long as I can do it without degenerating to the point I need help from family etc. I will be fine, but suffering and dependence on others is still a fear I have.

In the end, I have to deal with health uncertainty, an uncertainly we all face. I’ll look at how my family dealt with death when I was young, although I’m not sure we discussed it much.

I’m on the road travelling so I had to write this quickly before losing cell service again, so not a lot of editing.

Thanks everyone!

 

[Diana-M]

@tgirl —Enjoy your trip!

 

[Booble]

Sorry if I come across as someone who needs saving. I’ve always felt that I am my own responsibility. Eating properly, doing exercise, keeping a normal weight etc. are things I’ve always done. I’m very fit for 65. If it’s going to be it’s up to me. I have felt that working hard at maintaining good health will result in just that, good health, so when a health issue crops up that really can’t be explained that’s when I become fearful and want input from others.

I love that a lot of us are Baby Boomers here. I think our generation was brought up exactly how you say, "If it's to be, it's up to me." (I too was big on the Psychology of Achievement, etc that our generation thrived on -- before the next generation made fun of our motivational books, tapes and posters!)

If you think about it, that's a lot of pressure on ourselves, isn't it? If it's to be it's up to me. The converse of that is "if it's not to be, it's our fault." I feel that strongly. I'm supposed to be the master of my destiny. The Captain of my ship. If things go wrong I FUCKED UP says my inner self.
Intellectually we know that's not true. Some times bad things happen and it's not our fault. Or if it is our fault, and that's human.
I explore that a lot when I'm doing my "write shit down."
Overall I like having that mindset. It has helped me a achieve a good life. So now it's learning how to deal with the things we can't control. It's hard for me to even type those words. My fingers keep hesitating on the keyboard as if typing them here is going to bring on something bad. That I should be able to control everything!

 

[Diana-M]

I love that a lot of us are Baby Boomers here. I think our generation was brought up exactly how you say, "If it's to be, it's up to me." (I too was big on the Psychology of Achievement, etc that our generation thrived on -- before the next generation made fun of our motivational books, tapes and posters!)

If you think about it, that's a lot of pressure on ourselves, isn't it? If it's to be it's up to me. The converse of that is "if it's not to be, it's our fault." I feel that strongly. I'm supposed to be the master of my destiny. The Captain of my ship. If things go wrong I FUCKED UP says my inner self.
Intellectually we know that's not true. Some times bad things happen and it's not our fault. Or if it is our fault, and that's human.
I explore that a lot when I'm doing my "write shit down."
Overall I like having that mindset. It has helped me a achieve a good life. So now it's learning how to deal with the things we can't control. It's hard for me to even type those words. My fingers keep hesitating on the keyboard as if typing them here is going to bring on something bad. That I should be able to control everything!

@Booble! I love this post. I was going to highlight my fave quotes, but I like them all! It’s very hard to truly let yourself experience how helpless we actually are. So many things we just can’t control and aging highlights that. I mean, we can try hard to be healthy and strong. We can try really hard to heal from TMS. But there are oodles of things out of our control. I was having a prayer this morning and I was sort of saying “uncle” to God. I can’t fix anything. None of this. But I want to believe I can. I guess however you can pursue peace, that’s probably the only thing to chase. So wherever your source is for peace, that’s the best place to go.

 

[tgirl]

Booble, well put. I agree, I try to control too much and if I don’t micromanage my health it will let me down. It’s hard to just relax and enjoy the ride. That is something I have to work on. I can’t control everything.
Diana, pursuing peace has been a tough one. I’m still trying to figure that out. You saying ‘uncle’ might be a way of letting go and having acceptance for what is. Easier said than done.

 

[Cactusflower]

@Booble But there are oodles of things out of our control. I was having a prayer this morning and I was sort of saying “uncle” to God. I can’t fix anything. None of this. But I want to believe I can. I guess however you can pursue peace, that’s probably the only thing to chase. So wherever your source is for peace, that’s the best place to go.

Think about Jesus in the Garden, the last night of his life.
We are often taught he was there in obedience, but I do not think that was it at all. He was there to seek and bask in ultimate peace. The expectation was that he would be obedient, and that the entire outcome of humanity depended on him. And that night, he had to instill peace and courage in his disciples. What a heavy load of responsibility and expectation and everything was truly out of his control. I think that no matter what your belief is, this really shows the ultimate peace-like state. I can imagine that it took a lot of inner work to counteract the “what if I fuck up” thoughts he had through his life, especially if he had some understanding of his destiny.