Hello everyone. I want to tell you how I came to this forum, my experience with pain/tms, and even some personal history. I really want this chapter of my life to finish so a new one can begin. So first a brief history of me. I had a tumultuous childhood to say the least. My parents (especially my father) are drug addicts. And many kinds of abuse were common in our house. I did not want to become like them so I worked hard and got a scholarship in order to go college. While working on my masters degree, my first symptoms began to appear. At the time I was practicing my first love of break dance and noticed my back was usually very sore after practice. Then in the fall of 2010 I awoke with numbness in my leg and extreme pain in my low back and SI joint. I went to the doctor and was told the same BS that a lot of you are familiar with. Herniated disc, sciatica, SI dysfunction. My pain got worse and worse. Sometimes I could not even get out of bed. Nothing helped me, nothing got better.
Two years ago while driving I was t-boned right into my door by a drunk driver doing 68 in a 35mph zone. I almost died. In fact I briefly did and had a very bizzare near death experience which I wont get into here. I received a serious head injury and lost my ability to talk (This did improve, and I can speak normally now) I also received injuries to my back and neck. 10 months after this accident on the way to a doctors appointment, I was again struck on my door by a drunk driver. Again receiving injuries. After the first accident and NDE I found Dr Sarnos Books and began to do the work. I even found a therapist through this forum and did TMS therapy for many months. Some things improved. My neck still hurts sometimes but not so bad. My SI/Hip/leg however is back to its old patterns. I have so much pain I can not sleep well. I walk with a limp and have sharp shooting pains down my leg. Every muscles cramps. I feel like I am living in an unending nightmare.
After my accident I also started yoga. It helps and I got a lot more flexibility but it hasn't done anything for this pain. Today I went and exercised just like normal and tried not to guard, or modify any motion as I usually do. Even though certain movements brought about intense pain, I went and acted like nothing happened. Now I am paying the price. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. One thing I thought of was that maybe I am storing anger in my body. I feel constantly angry at the abuse I suffered as child. I want to get rid of the anger and hurt and see if that helps this TMS. I am just very tired of trying the TMS approach and it not working.
Two years ago while driving I was t-boned right into my door by a drunk driver doing 68 in a 35mph zone. I almost died. In fact I briefly did and had a very bizzare near death experience which I wont get into here. I received a serious head injury and lost my ability to talk (This did improve, and I can speak normally now) I also received injuries to my back and neck. 10 months after this accident on the way to a doctors appointment, I was again struck on my door by a drunk driver. Again receiving injuries. After the first accident and NDE I found Dr Sarnos Books and began to do the work. I even found a therapist through this forum and did TMS therapy for many months. Some things improved. My neck still hurts sometimes but not so bad. My SI/Hip/leg however is back to its old patterns. I have so much pain I can not sleep well. I walk with a limp and have sharp shooting pains down my leg. Every muscles cramps. I feel like I am living in an unending nightmare.
After my accident I also started yoga. It helps and I got a lot more flexibility but it hasn't done anything for this pain. Today I went and exercised just like normal and tried not to guard, or modify any motion as I usually do. Even though certain movements brought about intense pain, I went and acted like nothing happened. Now I am paying the price. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. One thing I thought of was that maybe I am storing anger in my body. I feel constantly angry at the abuse I suffered as child. I want to get rid of the anger and hurt and see if that helps this TMS. I am just very tired of trying the TMS approach and it not working.
