A Near Death Experience and TMS

Hello everyone. I want to tell you how I came to this forum, my experience with pain/tms, and even some personal history. I really want this chapter of my life to finish so a new one can begin. So first a brief history of me. I had a tumultuous childhood to say the least. My parents (especially my father) are drug addicts. And many kinds of abuse were common in our house. I did not want to become like them so I worked hard and got a scholarship in order to go college. While working on my masters degree, my first symptoms began to appear. At the time I was practicing my first love of break dance and noticed my back was usually very sore after practice. Then in the fall of 2010 I awoke with numbness in my leg and extreme pain in my low back and SI joint. I went to the doctor and was told the same BS that a lot of you are familiar with. Herniated disc, sciatica, SI dysfunction. My pain got worse and worse. Sometimes I could not even get out of bed. Nothing helped me, nothing got better.

Two years ago while driving I was t-boned right into my door by a drunk driver doing 68 in a 35mph zone. I almost died. In fact I briefly did and had a very bizzare near death experience which I wont get into here. I received a serious head injury and lost my ability to talk (This did improve, and I can speak normally now) I also received injuries to my back and neck. 10 months after this accident on the way to a doctors appointment, I was again struck on my door by a drunk driver. Again receiving injuries. After the first accident and NDE I found Dr Sarnos Books and began to do the work. I even found a therapist through this forum and did TMS therapy for many months. Some things improved. My neck still hurts sometimes but not so bad. My SI/Hip/leg however is back to its old patterns. I have so much pain I can not sleep well. I walk with a limp and have sharp shooting pains down my leg. Every muscles cramps. I feel like I am living in an unending nightmare.

After my accident I also started yoga. It helps and I got a lot more flexibility but it hasn't done anything for this pain. Today I went and exercised just like normal and tried not to guard, or modify any motion as I usually do. Even though certain movements brought about intense pain, I went and acted like nothing happened. Now I am paying the price. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. One thing I thought of was that maybe I am storing anger in my body. I feel constantly angry at the abuse I suffered as child. I want to get rid of the anger and hurt and see if that helps this TMS. I am just very tired of trying the TMS approach and it not working.

 

Hi Grock,

Welcome to the Wiki and the Forum! I believe you are on the right track, as evidenced by your improvements with your TMS work so far. I suggest you do the programs at the Wiki: TMS Recovery Program, and then the Structured Education Program. These are ways to continue your "education" about TMS. Also, read some of Dr. Sarno's passages that relate to you, every day. Read success stories on this Forum.

Another support for you would be to see a TMS trained physician. Listed in Wiki. To have a TMS diagnosis by a physician can be a big help.

This is a great insight. Did your TMS therapist help you with exploring/releasing anger? For many people, learning to feel anger fully, so that it is not resisted or rejected, and therefore less "sticky," and not "repressed" takes some time of deep exploration, with help. You have good reason to be angry and hurt. Skilled guidance will help in this area of your life, regardless of TMS.

Good luck in your deepening into Dr. Sarno's work. Each person finds their own way, and in their own time. Try to be patient, but persistent.

Andy B

 

Your near death experience may have some keys to personalizing this TMS work for you. That is my uneducated hunch!

 

Sad story, you can see why the acronym for Mothers Against Drunk Driving is MADD. In your case you may have a combination of real trauma and TMS. TMS can be the "volume control" for the pain. When your are TMS'ing your pain level goes up. As far as exercising, have you tried pool work? It's helping me a lot, I do at least thirty minutes a day and am going to up it to twice a day. After the muscles and joints get warmed up they start to relax and lengthen. I use a flotation belt and do some back-stroke for stretching.

G'luck!
tt