A few weeks of psychosis, huge setback!

I’ve been 4 years healthy from my TMS symptoms. However after many months of meditation I began to connect with spirit. It was lovely. Until the past month. Now I’m in a psychosis of sorts. My husband is sure it is TMS, I saw a psychiatrist at the hospital who felt it was a temporary psychosis induced by the stress of a pandemic, my job loss, income loss, and then my husband lost his job too. Even though my hubby secured new work. The doctor says it is because of my history of childhood trauma. I’ve been healing the trauma this past year and was feeling better than ever. But the second job loss, and a friend in a life threatening situation seemed to push me off my sanity.

I am a professional, healthy, and no history of such challenges. Oh goodness is there anyone here who may be able to help me accept a TMS diagnosis for this? The drugs don’t touch the symptoms at all. All I can say is WOW. The brain is a powerful thing.

Thanks in advance

 

Hi Hummingbird,

I have some suggestions, based on my personal experiences of "spiritual/psychological awakening" which initiated for me about 25 years ago. Not knowing your situation exactly, I may not be right on for you. What I'll say may not tie directly to TMS, but I hope you might read this as some reassurance, and that what you're experiencing is more common than many know, and that indeed, it has to do with deep inner workings in you, and growth/expansion. Like TMS.

My experience did not include psychosis, but I know some that have. It is not uncommon for there to be deep processes which open one to the "numinous" and at the same time induce very disturbing experiences which the medical world has names for. For many these experiences are "all good" and there is deep regret when they pass. For others there is a mix of magic and deep fear. Once a certain "opening" occurs, you have to just sort of go along for the ride, although, also know that you can have some control over the pace of insight, transformation.

With psychological work there is usually a growth which then reveals more hidden difficulties. This is normal and makes sense. There tends to be revelation, ease, then exposure/awareness of more "hell realms" and back again to release. I suppose you've seen this before, but perhaps not as intense.

Yes, normal reaction to stress is a good way to frame this.

First, it is very helpful for you to normalize this, not pathologize, not fear, not add fuel to the fire. Get good help, including from your psychologist/therapist, but see this as something which may be a profound gift of deepening in your life. Most of the psychological profession does not see positive aspects, which can be true, which I suspect is true for you, right along with the difficulties.

Your experience of connecting with spirit, and your description of "psychosis of sorts" makes me hopeful that your experience is in the realm of what I am describing. It has a familiar ring to it. Part of this can be extreme fear. I sure got that part.

So, less fear, more normilization, loving help, acceptance, your husband, attuned self-care are all good ideas. Reframing this as a deep growth spurt, which may take months or years to fully integrate can be very positive. Like TMS stuff, part of what you may be called to do is to attune more deeply to your own moment-to-moment experience, and let other things fall away for awhile. What kind of way can you be which is less stressful, more at ease in your life?

Extra awareness of your deep psychological workings is usually part of this, and this causes us suffering. Also, these kinds of experiences, if they are initiated in a "spiritual practice" or surroundings also help one to feel more sure of the rightness of what is happening, despite the fear. But if they just drop on one without the spiritual context, it can be harder.

Everyone has trauma of some kind. Part of the "cleansing process" of awakening is to work with these past experiences and impressions. Good support for this is highly recommended.

So if any of what I've written sounds about right, you might read some of these authors, books:

Stan Groff's books/work ala spiritual opening
Jack Kornfield's "A Path with Heart"
Bonnie Greenwell's "Energies of Transformation"
Enduring Grace is a book about female saints and all the hell they went through, great spiritual context for deep sh*t.
Anything spiritual/comforting which you can feel good about, which confirms your experience

Gentle prayer is often very comforting, asking for guidance or ease, love, understanding.
This is your life. You can ask God or your higher self to give you more control or reassurance.

Also, if you want to pm me on this site, we could talk on the phone, which might help you feel more OK. Not as a coach, but as a friend.

With support, Andy

 

Andy,

I am still in it and yet your words struck deeply and I cannot express my thank you enough for your reply.

Shauna

 

Hi Shauna,

I'm glad my words have been helpful. I really do write this from the bottom of my heart, based on my first hand experience.

In all of this, all of these cases, I believe that there is a reason, a purpose. The main thrust being to know yourself better and to become more loving awareness, eventually, for those you meet.

And I know it is incredible hard also.

Sincerely,
Andy

 

Andy,

I was certain I was having a spiritual experience until my husband and the situation got so intense that I went to a doctor and then of course the whole experience was put into logic and sense. Your message was so helpful, just one other person to look at it this way. I have started the book about saints. I am so grateful for your experience.

Thanks again!

 

By psychosis do you mean hallucinations? Spiritual experiences or something distressing? Are they all good, all bad? Does it affect your day to day functioning? Why would the meds not work if it's psychosis? Could it be kundalini awakening symptoms?

 

I am glad you're reading this book, or any on the list I sent. It is very very helpful to normalize this experience for yourself, find meaning in it for you. I think of Dr. Schubiner telling TMS clients to write out their story, so that they can see themselves in a hero's journey, if you will. This applies to so much of our lives, to so many of our challenges.

I suspect there is huge learning and teaching going on in you Shauna. The book on the saints helps one see that there is a purpose to these things ---hugely important. Being called a saint may raise the bar too high though. By purpose, I mean simply the purpose of unfoldment in our soul's journey, our sacred life. Not healing the sick or other saintly deeds, necessarily. We, by our mere existence are a fluid, intelligent miracle, a profound mystery. What can be more sacred, or have more purpose than our life's path?

 

About 2 years ago, there was a period in my life when I was meditating quite a bit in order to find homeostasis in my body and mind. Unfortunately, I got hit by the side effects of meditation which lasted consistently for about 3 months and another 3 months of on and off symptoms. This was in addition to my physical struggles at the time. I am relatively new to TMS work, so can't speak in too much detail when it comes to personal experience. However, I don't think that my side effects from meditation were TMS. That was single handedly THE CREEPIEST experience I went through, which I would never want a repeat of.

If you would like to talk about it more, we can do it in private messaging!