I have written very little here, but I have read a lot. This forum seems edifying to me, not like many others I've seen in the dump that is internet, so here it goes: My personality is TMS total: perfectionist, self-demanding and conscientious, always looking to be loved, very responsible, I always follow the rules strictly and I have difficulty letting it go. I found this description in a success story here, and almost literally I had to copy it, because I'm like that! Part of my story is in my profile. My story started with fears and worries, and then the rest came. I think I've already read "everything" on the internet ... yes, everything. I'm fed up of reading. I also have a mountain of books mentioned here and there, and another mountain of success stories of all kinds, of people who have been cured of the most rare and difficult things, even ALS (read Ben Johnson for example, but there are more cases on Terry Wahls page). Today I feel very sick all day, every day. And I am constantly monitoring and evaluating my sensations and the state of my body, and feel in a very bad state. I often think I'm collapsing. Now I am enduring the following: - maintenance insomnia, I fall asleep easily but at 3-4 hours maximum awake and it's over. - logically I'm tired and I do not have much energy, but I can not sleep more than I get! (This makes me very angry) - my head is heavy, dazed, as derealized, as after a night of partying and alcohol, you understand me. I'm not focused and sometimes I do not remember things that just happened a minute before - sensation of fizzing in the body, like a strong pulse, not localized but general, in the trunk, like shaking inside. this is particularly disgusting - general muscular tension, more pronounced in the neck - I have a nervous twitch in my upper lip, for a year now - constipation, but this is since childhood. but it was never a problem. sometimes interrupted by very frequent stools. I really do not know if it is constipation since there is no consensus definition of constipation. - ocasionally the tip of the tongue tingles and some letters get stuck in my mouth - sometimes I feel that my left leg becomes numb, it is a sensation, it is not something objective, the leg works normally to the movement, to the touch... This was my first important symptom. - then followed the hand and arm on the same side, with a similar feeling. This scares me especially. - I get the impression that my hands are shaky but I do not see it, it is more an internal sensation. - I'm sad and crying every day, my life has become very dark Before these symptoms manifested, I read them and I feared them... I know this with certainty. Chance? In all this time, I have seen several general practitioners, including alternative medicine, my blood tests, vitamins, etc., are normal. At first I was afraid of MS, three different neurologists saw me and they did several MRIs and everything was normal. Then I started to fear parkinsons. In the last year I have seen three other private neurologists, two of them specialized in parkinsons, and in his opinion what I have "only" severe depression and anxiety. The last neurologist was 4 days ago. curiously after that appointment I slept acceptably, and the next day I was emotionally well, although my physical symptoms were there. None of the neurologists showed a glimmer of doubt. All my symptoms are listed on Anxietycentre.com, yes. But I'm still sad and worried. I also know that there are so many stories of people diagnosed at 5 years even 8 years since the first symptoms ... and this has me in this horrible limbo! On the other hand, sometimes I think that with so many symptoms that I have, if there is something wrong, doctors should have seen something, or not? Family and friends (wich I have less and less) do not understand how I am not happy and I forget this nightmare, but I can not because the symptoms continue and the vicious circle continues, and I feel more and more alone, misunderstood and isolated. A week ago I dreamed that my face hardened and I could no longer smile, it was horrible! I woke up with my heart jumping. I also have an energetic therapist, something similar to Reiki, who does not feel anything altered or wrong with me, just my thinking. but the thought can really make us sick, is not it? The cycle is: start a new technique (meditation by J.Dispenza, Healing Codes by Alex Loyd, TRE ... you name it) practice 4 days and goodbye, as there are no results. The other cycle is: 1-2 practicing the independence of the result, the letting go, the positive affirmations, you name it ... then return to fear and find an explanation for my symptoms on the internet. I have been doing this for 3-4 years, gradually getting worse. Especially the last year and a half has not killed me because I have children who need their mother. I know that the key is the mind. And this applies in all cases, whatever the problem, physical or mental. The mind is idiotic: it is not at my service, it is destroying me. But I can not make myself stronger than my mind and master it. My story is not typical of TMS. What the hell is wrong with me? How do you see? I have a horrible disease that can not be diagnosed early yet? What I can do?