A breakthrough... and a relapse

[colls100]

So I used tms techniques to heal my carpal tunnel pain about 6 months ago. since then I've tried to apply tms healing to my daily dizziness, tiredness, headaches that have existed for 8+ years.

I was working with Georgie Oldfield, finally getting the hang of it, no headaches for 6 weeks, and then a magical 2 weeks of minimal tiredness, dizziness etc.

This week I started a new job - and BAM. Migraine, dizzy, exhausted, vision problems, itching, sore throat, itchy scalp, stabbing pains in my legs and arms and my carpal tunnel pain is back.

The thing is, I don't even feel that stressed about this job. The office is great, people are lovely and I'm already getting the hang of it. There is a lot of pressure because it's a sales role and I'm establishing a new division focusing on a new potential client-base.

Am I actually really stressed underneath? And my symptoms are a distraction? I can't seem to feel that even when I journal. All I care about is the symptoms again.

I'm so disappointed in myself, and I know that is part of the problem. But I have tasted freedom now, even if I wasn't completely better, I was about 75% better which is great.

But my stupid brain is telling me that was some kind of coincidence, and putting me off doing the tms work saying it won't work for me... actually while writing this I have really connected for the first time how my own brain stops me from healing by giving me these messages 'journalling wont help, youre too far gone, you will never be normal like everyone else'

I am still seeing Georgie Oldfield, I just wanted to share here to get some extra support.

My biggest fear right now is my vision, I've had this blurred vision with floaters most of the time for years now, and I am totally scared it's just like this forever now. Eye tests always normal etc. But that's the biggest preoccupation at the moment.

I just can't get out of this funk right now where I feel hopeless and stupid for even getting my hopes up. And I'm seriously worried I won't be able to keep this job even though I was at my last place 7 years throughout a ton of symptoms daily.

 

[plum]

This is part of the ebb and flow of healing so don't let it throw you a curve ball. Shore up your self-care, with particular regard to those things that soothe you, and keep your hand on the rudder. You'll get through this. It's nothing more than a flare-up and they are nothing more than par for the healing course.

Your new job is a novelty which is creating a bit of a wobble, most likely because the new situation is encouraging your sense of vigilance. Soften your self talk, speak kindly and do your best to take each day as it comes. This time will pass.

Plum x

 

[colls100]

Thanks @plum

I really let go of the rudder for about a week to be honest, completely lost focus, let my brain start thinking physical again. Just little thoughts coming up about maybe trying physical therapy, and the desire to stretch my neck and head out to relieve the dizziness.

How can I have experienced first hand the power of a positive mind-set and being kind to myself, but at the first sign of symptoms increasing again, I am utterly convinced there is no hope for me.

Sometimes I get confused because originally I thought tms was all about ignoring the symptoms and focusing on other life events, memories etc that are bothering me.

Now I realise that for me it is also important that I process the emotions I feel ABOUT my symptoms - EFT tapping has been helping me to do this. And I have also just discovered loving kindness meditations which bring out a lot of emotion in me. Is this what you mean by self care? I think I'm too pre-occupied with making the symptoms go away.

 

[Ellen]

There is a lot of pressure because it's a sales role and I'm establishing a new division focusing on a new potential client-base.

Am I actually really stressed underneath? And my symptoms are a distraction? I can't seem to feel that even when I journal. All I care about is the symptoms again.

This is how emotional repression works. We aren't consciously aware of our emotions when we are repressing them. So, yes, I think you are feeling fearful about your new job, and your symptoms are distracting you from that fear. Awareness and acceptance of this will place you back on the road to recovery. Being kind to yourself while continuing to practice your TMS healing techniques with patience and persistence will result in symptom reduction. You know it's possible, since you've seen it work.

And congratulations on your new job!

 

[Baseball65]

"The thing is, I don't even feel that stressed about this job"

There it is. TMS doesn't care how you feel. It doesn't 'make sense' in the conventional way...but you already knew that.

New Job is always a time that it tries to sneak back for me. I just have to acknowledge that it's TMS and There are some parts of me that I don't understand. They only make sense in light of Sarno's theory.

-marc