A bit of a break though

I just had a bit of an epiphany. I realized this morning that one of my major current stressors is the feeling of abandonment. I think it started when I was around 5 years old. My parents left to do some errands. I was at a friend's house and my dad came to tell me they were going and I could go with them or stay and play. I chose to play and then changed my mind but it was too late and they were gone when I rushed home to tell them I wanted to go with them. At the time we lived with an elderly man who I was somewhat frightened of. I really felt abandoned (I was just a kid after all).

While journaling this morning, all these memories of times when I have felt abandoned were running through my head. This feeling has definitely increased over the last few years, I think partly due to the fact that I have been afraid to join in many family activities due to the pain. I feel left out. My husband decided a few years ago that he was going to do more on his own because he was tired of never doing anything. I can't say I blame him but this has definitely added to my sense of abandonment and a great deal of sadness. I think it's also contributed to a fear of being alone. (This is odd because I used to really enjoy doing things on my own.. I found it therapeutic at times but not any more.)

I obviously need to address this but not really sure how. Any ideas?

 

Lou
I'm off for now but will look to responding later in the day.
Keep journaling, keep up the insights.
Lainey

 

Lou

It sounds like you are on the right track. You are discovering some of the sources of your early emotional pain, keeping you apart from family, and putting you in a position of fear at a very early age. Now, your brain is still keeping you apart from others, creating physical pain. Is there something you can muster up the courage to try to do, on your own, and maybe try? I do not know what that could be. For a few years I did not go to the grocers. I saw it as a small victory when I did decide to try this, on my own.
Lainey