Day 1 9 Months Downhill, Starting Up from the Bottom

Hey Everyone,

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone involved in the TMS Wiki from the creators of this site, which I am sorry I have come across who you are I just forget at the moment, to those of you who post your success stories, all the way down the line to those of you who are just joining and beginning your journey of recovery and a new life where we take control of our seemingly very nasty subconscious minds. Also, a very grateful thank you to Dr. Sarno for your life of research and efforts that have brought this concept into the light.

My Story:

My name is Eric and I am a very active 27 year old living in Utah riding the roller coaster of life trying to figure out what path I would like to take with my life. Roughly 9 months ago, so happy to have been told about "Healing Back Pain" in a relatively short time frame compared to a lot of you, I noticed one morning that I was sore in my lower back and left leg. This was not at all unusual to me because I was working ski patrol at Canyons Resort in Utah, and our job is quite physically demanding and not very friendly to our backs. Bringing our patients down safely off the mountain often means putting our own bodies at risk for injury and not being very friendly to our backs. We work long days and are out skiing all day every day, I know what you might be thinking tough life huh? Well I moved west from growing up in Ohio and Pennsylvania because I wanted to get away from the crowded eastern U.S. and be able to play in the mountains while I figure out what my next big step in life will be. Anyway back to where I was, this soreness that I had noticed gradually became worse and worse. A few weeks went by, and I decided to go see a physical therapist about this. I don't quite remember what her initial diagnosis was which is not important to me at this point. I saw her a couple times a week for nearly two months while my pain just seemed to keep getting worse. I went from my ski patrol job to a carpentry job working on log cabins for the summer. I had actually ended my ski patrol job a little early and gave myself a couple weeks to try and rest and heal up before starting more manual labor. By the time I started my carpentry job nothing had really changed in fact I believe I just continued to get a little worse.

The pain that I was feeling when I started working carpentry was shooting all down my left leg with rare low back pain as well. I worked that job for about three months following the stretching and exercises that the PT had given me about 3 times a day pretty religiously. In that time I saw a doctor who tried giving me a medrol dose pack or prednisone 6 day steroid pack along with the alarming amount of ibuprofen I was taking in order to make it through the work day. The prednisone had absolutely zero effect on me which the doctor attributed to the fact that I did not stop going to work while taking the medicine. She also sent me to physical therapy once again. So I went to a different PT and figured I would see if anything went differently this time.

Around mid July I decided I had had enough and I needed to quit my carpentry job in order to let myself properly heal. I saw PT number two from the beginning of July through about the end of September, with a couple weeks hiatus for a vacation in early September. All the while I was still taking enough ibuprofen some days to borderline shut my kidneys down. My pain was a roller coaster of ups and downs, sometimes it was totally tolerable and not that big of a deal, and other times I would have spasms that would make me collapse on the ground.

I did some random non-strenuous things for work here and there, but mostly not working at all because I was in so much pain and wanted to do nothing but lay around and stretch all day hoping to make the pain go away. PT number two had me doing heat when I arrived, traction, some stretches, various exercises, and then ice and electric stimulation to finish it out. I also threw in some yoga here and there, tried out some different ideas on a foam roller, and recently bought a medicine ball that I have done various things on.

With little to no relief from the efforts of both PT's and the steroids and everything else, I was sent to a Physical Medicine and Rehab Specialist to see about a cortisone injection. She scheduled me for X-Rays first and then an MRI in order to decide if that was the route to take. My mind can't even differentiate anymore between the different doctors and the order in which things were done. X-rays didn't show much, MRI showed a largely herniated disc at L4/S1 (I do not have an L5 vertebrae which was fascinating to find out and it is not fused from birth with S1 it just doesn't exist).

My primary doctor prescribed me Gabapentin as a neuropathic alternative to taking ibuprofen, and after trying that for a bit with no help the PM&R specialist tossed in Diclofenac on top of that until I had my cortisone shot. I followed her plan and got the cortisone shot and next thing I know my pain had regressed and was back to being completely intolerable. It got so bad that I was at her office with no appointment begging to see her for answers because I was not sleeping at all. She was not in her office, but I was able to get a phone call from her and she called in a prescription for hydrocodone and valium to help me sleep through the night. So then I was on this cocktail of medication that rivaled what they had my very sick grandfather on in his final years of life. Not something a healthy 27 year old wants to be doing, let alone anyone at any stage of life.

The PM&R doc's answer to that was for me to see a neurosurgeon. I saw the neurosurgeon and his opinion given the large size of the herniation was for a lumbar micro-discectomy. That was the result I feared and had wanted to avoid at all costs all along. I will do just about anything to avoid them taking a knife to my back. I had the surgery scheduled for mid December, which as of yet is still scheduled only because of the holiday and waiting for a chance to call his office back.

Dr. Sarno's method was brought to my attention by a friend who experienced the identical process as I just described with the same symptoms and all, but over the span of two years. In just a few weeks she was pain free and loving life again.

I have been through a lot of thoughts and emotions on this journey, but had never really considered past and current deeply buried emotions being the cause of my pain. I have become very open to alternative medicine lately, and I believe in this process fully and I am very excited at what is to come. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am ready to reach it! I am open to everything the TMS diagnosis brings forth and I am ready to search and work hard to make a pain free life once again a reality!

I swallowed up "Healing Back Pain" in just two days, which is faster than I have ever read a book in my life. for a few days I had my doubts, but have continued to research and learn. I can't think of any doubts I have at the moment, and I know this is the first place I will turn if I find myself in doubt.

Thanks again to all of you. I am so sorry for turning this into a novel, but I am a passionate person and this has been my entire life for the better part of the last year. Thanks to anyone who actually reads through this whole post and I look forward to anything you have to say. I also would like to offer myself out there to anyone who needs my help or a partner in the journey. I love to help people, and I am very grateful for those who offer their help as well!

With Much Love and Appreciation,

-Eric

 

Hi Eric,

Welcome to the SEP and the Forum/Wiki. I think you found the right place. I am glad you are so enthusiastic.

I was a skier, working in the industry as an instructor, when I was your age, so I can relate. My story is that I was scheduled for "nerve release" surgery in my foot, and had seen about 14 physicians. Then I found Dr. Sarno's work, and am back climbing mountains/skiing. The last two years I have skied around Crater Lake, which is a 30 mile journey, by myself, camping out along the way. For three years I was on crutches, wheelchair, hobbling from appointment to appointment. Here is my story of recovery.

I hope you make good progress. If you do not meet your own expectations in this program, keep at it. It is a process, not a sprint!

Andy B.

 

Hi, Eric. Andy has given you a great reply. I urge you to take his positive words to heart and believe 100 percent that your pains are caused by TMS, your emotions. I healed from severe back pain after taking the SEProgram. Journaling helped me the most. I discovered boyhood emotions I had been suppressing all my life. You also may be putting too much pressure on yourself to help others.

Try to stay off medication and away from surgery. MRIs and Xrays may show some problems but they sound minor and are very likely caused by TMS emotions, so pills and surgery are not the answer. Total belief in TMS is. Good luck and welcome to the TMS community. You are among true friends here.

 

Eric, I also suggest you follow these 12 Daily Reminders about TMS from Dr. Sarno, in the extended version from another TMSer who became pain free:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.