80% better - thoughts for last 20%?

[AC45]

Hello TMS community,

Thank you for being here. I have appreciated the opportunity to interact with you over these last 9 months. You are wonderful.

My TMS hit me in the form of "carpal tunnel/RSI" and strong anxiety (which I never had before). Fortunately, journaling, 10 sessions of psychotherapy to help process all of the emotions I was bringing up (local non-TMS therapist but someone to talk to) and LOTS of books have enabled to lose most of the hand pain and redevelop enough confidence to keep working.

The anxiety is about 80% under control and I feel ok most of the time. What I can't seem to drop are the sleep disturbances. I have total insomnia when I travel (bummer because I usually love to travel). When home, I wake up between 1-3 am with my heart racing and racing thoughts. I used to get upset about it but after Sarno and Claire Weekes, I don't let it bother me as much.

I know this is TMS but I can't help but to think I need to do something like meds, a sleep study or something. Waking up tired and having to spend hours calming down every single morning gets a little old. I know there is a lot of sleep advice on this forum (I've appreciated the tips).

I guess I've plateaued. I'm so grateful and I've worked so hard to get this far. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do next. My depressive mood is gone thank goodness and the anxiety has pretty much vanished during the waking hours. My TMS likes to visit me at night .

I've journaled so much and dealt with so much that I am not really sure what else I can dig up in my psyche. My subconscious seems to be coming alive at night . I'm thinking of trying out a TMS therapist or a new local therapist to see what else I can do. Thanks for listening and if you have any ideas I would love to hear them .

-ac45

 

[Ellen]

What I can't seem to drop are the sleep disturbances. I have total insomnia when I travel (bummer because I usually love to travel). When home, I wake up between 1-3 am with my heart racing and racing thoughts. I used to get upset about it but after Sarno and Claire Weekes, I don't let it bother me as much.

Congratulations on your progress! 80% is very good, and with time, persistence, and patience I'm sure you will get to 100%.

I'm at almost 4 years into TMS healing, and still haven't licked the sleep disturbance. I was able to get rid of the pain syndromes within a year. But something I have come to see about the sleep issue, is that I've had a much harder time staying with a psychological cause and in practicing outcome independence. Anytime I have ventured away from those two things, I've gotten worse. Anytime I've totally accepted the psychological cause and been able to practice outcome independence, I've made progress. Recently I decided to stop doing anything to "try to sleep". It is a contradiction in terms, as sleep is all about letting go. So I dropped all the herbs, aromatherapy, sleep hygiene advice,deep breathing, music, meditation, etc. etc. I've had much better sleep since doing this, but still have some nights that are a problem. The difference is the outcome independence factor. As long as I truly don't care if I sleep or not, I can fall asleep and stay asleep for 6-8 hours. But if I have a thought like "I hope I sleep well tonight, because I want/need to do x,y,z tomorrow", then I don't sleep well. Just that little bit of pressure disrupts my sleep. So like you, it is a problem when I travel because I always want to be well rested so I can enjoy my trip and visiting friends or family. So I'm still working on truly not caring if I sleep or not. I know I can function fairly well on very little sleep, so I need to keep reminding myself of it.

Wishing you peace and restful nights.......

 

[AC45]

Thank you Ellen! Great advice!

 

[balto]

I love Ellen's advise. But it is easier said than done. You have to be very persistent about "I don't give a Fuc-k" if I can sleep or not. That is the secret.
Alan always preached about 'outcome independent', it saved countless of life. So don't worry, don't think about the outcome.

Steve O always said nothing keep you from healing more than "trying to heal". So don't try to heal. Just LIVE.

Dr. Sarno said if it getting to tought, just get a glass of wine and a good book. So focus on the good thing in life. Be grateful for what we have.

Dr. Weekes said we have to "utter utter relax" (I think I spell it correct). Just relax. Let go of everything. Be an observer, don't be a sufferer. Let it happen without us having any reaction to it.

The Buddha said "we are what our thought is". So think positive. Think that we are strong, healthy, and what ever happening to us right now is just a hiccup. It shall pass.

And then Jesus said: "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Don't think about the future. Think about the past usually bring anger, hatred, regret... Think about the future almost always bring worry and anxiety. Stay with the present. Try to make your present the best you can for the situation.

Also, sometime your problem is not caused by anything in your past. You may want to do a little research on "conditioning". You have been suffering from insomnia for so long, your body may think it is a state that you want and it will automatically 'make/produce' insomnia every night for you. Evolution made our body so smart sometime it hurt us without knowing. It will find short cut for everything we do. You jump on a bike and your body know exactly what to do without you telling it. You jump in the water and your body know exactly how to move to swim. And as an insomniac when you go to sleep and your body think it is time to think and worry and wide awake. Got to retrain it.
As long as you don't care whatsoever about if you can get to sleep or not, you will eventually get rid of your insomnia. Sleep is the one thing we can never get if we "try" to.

 

[AC45]

Thank you Balto! Great advice! I love all of the quotes from different traditions. Very helpful.