4.5 Years of Chronic Pain Resolved in 2 Months

Just so we are on the same page, I understand that you understand what hyperacusis is (especially now), my question is why did you think it was happening before you knew it was TMS? I struggle to believe that you didn't care enough to come up with a theory (I know you understood it at a symptom level that sounds are louder, but go deeper, why?). Even when I look up hyperacusis - the AI gives me a list of causes (which if you know about TMS aren't as relevant, but I am asking before you knew about TMS). Unless you thought there was no reason for it happening - but that doesn't make sense to me with a symptom like this - we aren't just talking about an irregular headache.

You just told me that hyperacusis is a symptom (agreed), but then you told me there wasn't really anything to self-diagnose? If you have a symptom, there is something to diagnose, you diagnose symptoms (I have pain because of X, I have a headache because of X, I have hyperacusis because of X).

If this happened to me personally - so the doctor said nothing was wrong and then it started to happen again - I'd be beside myself trying to look for answers (it would be natural to start questioning the doctor). If you sat me down during that period and forced me to not search for a solution, I'd probably lose my mind and would have endless panic attacks (that would be the best form of torture). It's human nature and an evolutionary necessity to know what is causing our symptoms (because not too long ago, if we didn't find that answer quickly, we'd be dead).

 

right.

Airhorn blown into ear. Next day symptoms started. Thats the ‘obvious’ cause and effect. I knew it wasnt ‘physical damage’ but i did attribute the symptoms to acoustic shock.

is that what you mean?

 

Yes! Perfect (this is very valuable information to me - it's starting to take shape in my mind) - ok, so just so I can confirm (and humour me for a bit longer I promise I'll explain):

The air horn was the thing that started this all? Then as you said, you got tests and they confirmed it was all good from a structural/physical damage perspective - it then went away by itself.

Then, you went on this trip a month later (after it resolved itself initially) and it got triggered again. Hopefully I've got it right so far.

Next question, when you went on the trip with your mum, were you scared of this being triggered again before the trip? Or were you convinced that you were better and it was a big shock to you that it happened at the time?

Also, what does acoustic shock mean to you? I've looked it up so if it's the same as what I'm reading then that's cool - but I want to know what it means to you. I.e. The air horn got blown into your ear and it caused acoustic shock - what mechanism (physical/psychological) results in that? In other words, the air horn gets blown in your ear and it causes your symptoms because of acoustic shock - does acoustic shock cause any physical changes/functional issues (whether you would consider it damage or not) or is it a purely psychological process?

I know these questions might be tedious, but it helps me to uncover what you really believe (even subsconciously)

 

Please dont apologize. I appreciate that youre trying to help.

Yeah not entirely though. I was still sensitive to sounds.

I would say so yeah. I wasnt like actively frightened but i would say ive been afraid of setbacks yes. Thats also because at the start i went to forums and i saw so many horror stories. It just felt like I was on borrowed time.

I was on a trip with my lads. A stranger put that horn up my ear. Afterwards i felt like crying and i tried to leave but i obviously couldnt. On the road back there was music playing and i found it sooo annoying but they wouldnt put it off, which i understand.

Not really no. But i do feel like since I know of this and actively have this this is not something ill be able to forget. I cant really imagine going to a bar. Hopefully there will be a time when I’ll be able to have a night out, but its just very hard for me to imagine ill ever go into a bar where the bass is like — i think you know what i mean. Even with earplugs i find it hard to imagine.

I just dont know how to get rid of this feeling. I still feel like im just more likely to get setbacks than others which is obviously true. I just cant imagine myself taking the risk. I hope you understand. I kind of feel like even if i get better this will always be near

 

With respect, that doesn't answer the entire question that I asked.

I should probably tell you why I'm asking this as it may narrow your focus, everything else you said I completely empathise with and is valid mind you (but it doesn't really help me right now help you based on where I'm going - although it will likely be relevant down the track).

The fact that you're talking about your body and blaming/admonishing it, indicates to me that there's a knowledge or belief flaw because that is in direct conflict with TMS theory. It's really got nothing to do with your body (even though the symptoms express themselves there) - it's all about the brain - the body is not betraying you it's just following the brain's direction. By focusing on it, you're sending a message to your brain that it's a structural issue. Your body can handle it, even though I know it doesn't feel that way.

So, I'm trying to find the belief/viewpoint that is fuelling this (whether or not you're doing it on purpose doesn't matter - there's a reason why you're talking about your body - because TMS theory would not result in that - something else has to be at play).

This acoustic shock concept pricks my ears - because when I looked it up (and no doubt you've looked it up and read about it on the forum's which are scary and will always lean towards structural explanations as they don't know about TMS for the most part) - the primary explanation is structural as it talks about a cramp in the middle ear muscles.

So, if you're still running with the concept of acoustic shock (even subconsciously), then it's highly likely that this is sending a message of this being a structural problem to the brain. Your brain is confused then as it's getting mixed messages.

That's why I talk about the need to align thoughts and beliefs with the TMS diagnosis/belief - it can be subtle at times and that's probably the biggest problem I see in people recovering from TMS (the great thing is that unlike the emotional work, which can be a bit tricky, this is an easy fix in comparison) - people think they're doing it but things get missed. I think we can really make progress here if you go with me/I'm pretty confident it's a key thing to address

 

No I dont believe theres a spasm in the ear muscles. Am i understanding? I dont know what to say. I dont believe im physically damaged but im scared of setbacks and i feel like its possible ill never truly get out

 

It might be best just to ask you directly - do you acknowledge that your focus on the body and blaming the body doesn't align with TMS theory? And if so, then why do you think you are doing it? What is fuelling it despite knowing that it's not aligned with TMS?

 

I guess?

But its just like my brain is in the right place and im doing great and suddenly out of nowhere my tolerance decreases and the sounds that arent too loud make my heart race. Yeah sure ‘its the brain doing it’ but it doesnt feel that way.

I dont believe I’m resisting and if I would be I’d have no idea what it is. I hate this life

 

I'm not sure what else to say other than in my opinion this is a very important point.

The last sort of question I'll ask as a potential entry point is - ok you say it doesn't feel that way in terms of that the brain is doing it. I understand that for sure, so what does it feel like? What does it feel like is doing it/what does it feel like is the culprit if not the brain? Because if you're brushing off the importance of this belief and thinking that it's not really a central issue ("I guess" and "yeh sure" indicates that you think it's not potentially a key point in recovery and that I'm highlighting something that is a side factor), then it makes complete sense to me that your subconscious isn't convinced and is probably running with another explanation entirely (which would explain your roadblocks as well as your body focus).

 

@Adam Coloretti (coach)

What would you have me do?

 

Evidence list probably

 

@Mani I'll need you to answer this for me before telling you

I don't want you to feel pushed though - I did run with this just because I got excited, but technically you didn't ask me to begin with - so it's up to you as it should be. You may want to take a break from it in terms of strategy just right now.

 

I dont feel pushed at all. I have doubts that this is the problem. You know I encounter a sound and I think: ‘I know my ears aint damaged, so theres nothing going on, no need for a setback.’ And i dont really get a lot of clear setbacks because i dont believe in damage.

I told you about this though:

2 days ago i was popping some pills and suddenly a panic broke out. Ooh that was loud along with chills and racing heart. That kind of threw me off because i was doing great and there was no reason for that. Ever since, I find my body responding to sounds more (heart racing, panic in my gut, losing my breath) I know that that is caused by fight or flight or cns or whatever but theyre still bodily sensations and they contribute to a feeling of unsafeness

 

And i dont know why i have this. Im sick of this. I like to think I was in a stressful period back then and my brain/cns just freaked out and i havent been able to convince it to back down

 

Yes that's important to do in the moment - but then on this forum you made a post and you mentioned your body 5 times and how it was failing you with no reference to your brain - can you see how that sends a mixed message to your brain? Trust me, it matters. Why? Because your subconscious its main aim is protection and to keep you alive, even if you're in pain as long as you're alive. So it's only going to turn off symptoms if you believe it's TMS but also if you show your subconscious you believe it.

Think of it like a conversation between your actions and your brain - Your brain would say something like "Well Mani says he believes it's TMS and wants me to think there's nothing wrong with us so I don't need to protect him with pain - but then he keeps highlighting that there's something wrong with our body and that it's failing us - that must mean there's something wrong with the body - I'm not sure, but given my main aim is protection, I will always resolve doubt towards keeping symptoms on - I'm not convinced".

You have to align your beliefs and behaviours with the TMS diagnosis, not just say you believe it consciously - it's the only way the brain will let go. It's not necessarily a hard thing to do but people just either miss it or fail to appreciate its importance.

 

Your brain is responding not your body. Your brain is responding not your body. Your brain is responding... (X100). Again, your subsconscious is going to read that as a damaged body.

 

Thanks mate. I’ll be keeping this in mind. I notice that i find it hard to accept this. I dont really know what to say. I’ll just erm yeah man i want to get better so bad

 

I want you to as well! I wouldn't be highlighting these things if I didn't consider them crucial to you doing just that

 

There's your main problem because if you find it hard to accept this then you're not accepting the TMS diagnosis - a great thing to be aware of! I'd be more concerned if I had no idea what was holding you back.

 

I know Emily! She's really lovely!

She didnt help me heal but she is lovely!