I don't consider myself a depressive person but know I suffer from regular anxiety. I consistently overcome that anxiety to do some cool things and it does not debilitate me. But every December I struggle with circumstantial /holiday season-stress chronic pain. You name it, I feel it. Sciatica. Lower back spasms. Neck pain. Heartburn. Heart palpitations. I almost fainted Dec 24 I was so stressed out for no reason. Typical TMS sufferer. I can see it coming a mile away and I ramp up my self care-exercise-stretching this month, pay for massages, meditate more etc. Not paying attention to these messages can lead to physical injury in my lower back and I know how to manage this. Then every December 31st I struggle with feelings of failure. By every metric I realize these feelings are unjustified but the struggle and suffering is there. Today I decided to write down a list of what I did accomplish in 2018 and created a "Microshift List of Goals for 2019"- Small reachable changes that can lead to big benefits i.e. wear my bike helmet; listen my children more; spend more time with extended family. The 2018 list had 8 really strong , tangible accomplishments of which #1 was keeping my back healthy and my body strong. There were many more lovely things including successful therapy work and professional accomplishments. My point is if I had ONLY kept my back and body healthy, that would be enough.The rest are gravy. Writing that list quantified for me and articulated what I needed to see with my own eyes. The fog slightly lifted and I hope as I enter 2019 I move on with these realities, not the fiction my fault brain creates for me. I am perplexed with the consistent feelings of failure /phenomenon in myself and plan to resolve it once and for all.