2 steps forward 1 step back!

[Msunn]

Hi. I've only posted one other time but have read much here and really appreciate reading about others who share the same type of problems.

I'm a professional guitarist and started having problems playing at the beginning of this year. This brought on immense fear for me and a round of physical therapy which made symptoms worse, a nerve conduction test with no conclusive diagnosis, massages, psychic healing etc. I took off three months and during that time symptoms changed from problems with two fingers on my left hand to problems with both hands, different symptoms coming and going, tingling in the hands and feet, sitting almost immobile all day with no real improvement, you get the picture.

I'm back working now for two months and as I've applied the principles in the Mind Body Presciption I've seen some real and at times dramatic progress. I very much fit the TMS profile.

The symptoms still come and go though, and I have to admit I still have times where it's hard to accept this is all mental. Specifically I get fearful as I increase normal activities, but i've still been doing that. For instance I stacked firewood for over an hour today and afterward the hands are feeling some soreness etc. I guess it's hard to admit how much fear I still have, that I may make things worse by doing extra activities and not being able to play music. It is also hard to deal with when I'm feeling better and then the symptoms seem to return out of the blue.

I also have the feeling at times that if the symptoms are not totally gone maybe it's not working for me........I'm not a perfectionist am I?

How do some of you deal with the return of symptoms and the non-linear way that healing happens with TMS? Also how do you deal with fear returning when these things do happen?

Thanks in advance for your help!

 

[Forest]

One thing to keep in mind is that having fear when you start being active again is perfectly normal. It is something that we all go through. Having an increase of symptoms does not mean you are not making progress or that you are taking a step back. It simply means that there are some emotions that you are avoiding and/or not ready to handle yet. One of the most effective ways you can reduce this fear is to remind yourself of all the reasons you have TMS. A lot of people have used an evidence sheet, which is a card or piece of paper that list all of the reasons you have TMS. When the fear and obsessiveness kicks in it is hard to think straight. The evidence sheet can help calm you down and reduce the fear.

You can also use self-monitoring techniques to recognize when your fear is increasing. This will help you begin to address it before it gets out of control. Your body will react to your emotional state. When you begin to become afraid of your symptoms your ANS will become activated and your heart rate will start to increase. When you notice this happening you can begin to think psychologically, and ask yourself if there is anything you are avoiding or what your you feeling presently. If you are interested in learning more about this check out the pages, Self Monitor and Living Tension Free. Both pages discuss ways to overcome the fear and anxiety associated with TMS.

 

[Msunn]

Thanks very much Forest. There are a lot of great suggestions there that I will follow up on. I guess the biggest fear is that I will somehow make things worse and not be able to play, but up to this point that has not been the case. I guess one the biggest distractions my mind can throw at me is to threaten my ability to play music since it's something I love doing and it's also how I make a living. Since I've been accepting TMS as the cause things have gotten a lot better. It definitely helps to find a community of people dealing with the same issues. Thanks again.

 

[nancy]

TMS always threatens what you love most. I was a ballet teacher, then a nurse, I need my legs and that's where
the pain is. I need to be active and was always afraid that I would lose my ability to use my legs!!! So ironic!!
Best to you, hoping you will be well very soon as I know you will be, hang in there, Nancy

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Msunn- I'm a professional guitarist and started having problems playing at the beginning of this year. This brought on immense fear for me and a round of physical therapy which made symptoms worse, a nerve conduction test with no conclusive diagnosis, massages, psychic healing etc. I took off three months and during that time symptoms changed from problems with two fingers on my left hand to problems with both hands, different symptoms coming and going, tingling in the hands and feet, sitting almost immobile all day with no real improvement, you get the picture.

Eric- Hi Msunn im a guitarist too and I know when the fingers don't move well we begin to worry, so im here to tell ya Msunn loose the fear . You said you've had some improvement already. That's enough to write into a journal, a happy journal if you will about your positive experience- its also called an evidence sheet in Alan Gordon's Program here at Tmswiki.
See when we have small improvement or big improvements if we keep a journal or note taking style of any kind of the progress it helps to distinguish the flames of doubt so we can look at our accomplishments on our journey instead of thinking about the setback all the time.
That's what I do when I have my uh- huh moments, I journal them too and talk about them to my friends here at Tmswiki so we can find common ground among victory . Its a non- linear path as you know so you'll have a good day and then a couple three bad days then 2 good days and three bad till you get to where all your days are good.
Your main agenda is learning to love life again and go walking in the park just to enjoy some nature, watch a lot of comedies and stop taking life so serious. Enjoy every moment of every day 1 day at a time. Don't focus on what ifs- constantly have your mind on healing, believe your already healed even if your not. Talk has a way of attracting healing to us if we emotionally connect to what were saying with the emotion of hope. You keep your eye on the prize and you will win the race.
Look here for an evidence sheet- http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-benefit-of-an-evidence-sheet.2292/

Msunn- I'm back working now for two months and as I've applied the principles in the Mind Body Prescription I've seen some real and at times dramatic progress. I very much fit the TMS profile.

Eric- Glad to hear your back working, if you keep your focus on Good things and being in the now such as practicing mindfulness meditation it should help you cultivate success. Look here for help in mindfulness, http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-are-some-mindfulness-techniques.2529/

Msunn- The symptoms still come and go though, and I have to admit I still have times where it's hard to accept this is all mental. Specifically I get fearful as I increase normal activities, but I've still been doing that. For instance I stacked firewood for over an hour today and afterward the hands are feeling some soreness etc. I guess it's hard to admit how much fear I still have, that I may make things worse by doing extra activities and not being able to play music. It is also hard to deal with when I'm feeling better and then the symptoms seem to return out of the blue.

Eric- The pain coming and going is proof that its tension or strain, or Tms so use this as proof your work your doing in the Mind body prescription is paying off. Its every bit psychological and you have to condition yourself through the law of habit to believe this is true. The fear of hurting is a deception of tms almost as bad if not worse than the pain deception itself, tms's main goal is to distract you and keep your mind on the body so don't give it that privilege and strive to find the emotions that are connected to the pain. When you find the emotions or reactions connected to the pain you can use mindfulness to combat these issues. Remember mindfulness is a meditation and anything you can do to calm yourself at this time will be of great need. You have your path laid out for you in the Mind body prescription, stay course and learn about the inner bully here about Alan Gordon's program- http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/be-the-tortoise-not-the-hare.2109/
Also check out Alan's program so you can shut down the inner critic- http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program

Msunn- I also have the feeling at times that if the symptoms are not totally gone maybe it's not working for me........I'm not a perfectionist am I?

Eric- We all have these feelings of doubt at first, you should do fine after you keep with Sarnos program and begin to learn the different tricks the mind will play while reading and learning Alan's program.

Msunn- How do some of you deal with the return of symptoms and the non-linear way that healing happens with TMS? Also how do you deal with fear returning when these things do happen?

Eric- All of the Steps I use are above so go and be excited about learning a new life change, its going to keep your guitar playing in tack for sure. Keep us updated ok, thanks

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I never have trouble playing the guitar because I don't know how and don't own one.

I just put on a CD of my favorite guitarist, Christopher Parkening, and boy, is it soothing.

I also love my CDs of Spanish guitar music by Segovia, etc.

But I envy anyone who can play that beautiful instrument of the soul.

Haha.

 

[Msunn]

TMS always threatens what you love most. I was a ballet teacher, then a nurse, I need my legs and that's where
the pain is. I need to be active and was always afraid that I would lose my ability to use my legs!!! So ironic!!
Best to you, hoping you will be well very soon as I know you will be, hang in there, Nancy

Thanks Nancy. I really appreciate the encouragement. Are you able to use your legs without pain these days? All the best

 

[Msunn]

Thank you Eric for the detailed reply! I haven't done the Alan Gordon program yet but it sounds like a great thing. I have found that as you mention when I don't try to fix the symptoms but concentrate instead on relaxing enjoying life etc. the symptoms do lessen. One book that I found called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach has helped a lot. I see that you, Walt, and Forest are here a lot to help others and it's very much appreciated.