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100% pain free... but distracted by Human Drama

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by lexylucy, Sep 12, 2017.

  1. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Hi Guys. I haven't checked in... It's been awhile. I healed my back with the Sarno method and other methods combined. Then I had a skin issue and a digestive issue that I resolved with your help. I am feeling great. I am sleeping well and feel generally at peace and happy :) And so thankful...Thanks for your love and support.

    My post today is about Human Drama. I could use some feedback and insight.

    So... I got angry at a friend and send him a text message explaining my feelings. I wasn't name calling or bashing. But I questioned his behavior. I had asked him to get together in person and that hadn't worked out. So I sent a text. He got very angry and responded in a way that caused me to feel scared, frustrated, and regretful.

    My attempt at communication was because I have had recurrent thoughts about the situation. I thought simply saying how I felt would help. I thought I would feel more at peace afterwards. Instead I have been thinking about the situation more and my energy has felt distracted.

    So... My question to you guys of course is ... Can human drama be a TMS symptom??? I realize there have been times in the past where I catch myself sinking in to thoughts I have already had. Relationships or friendships where I've decided ...Well, I don't feel good around this person and I need a break. Of course I am always changing and others may or may not be growing. Sometimes it feels healthy to examine how I feel now about this person or that. But if I get caught in asking myself to try and figure out a relationship I have already had clarity and insight around... What is the point of thinking about it?

    I don't need it. I think at times it has shown up very similarly to a TMS symptom.

    In terms of this particular situation well... It's hard to feel like someone is mad at you. I spent a long time checking in and praying about what to say to this person and his response felt dismissive.

    Thanks for reading.

    Lexy Lucy
    Ellen likes this.
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's timely. I was just having a similar self-checking and have so far been 'free' of emotional pain and drama just as I was freed from physical pain...going on three weeks. I would NOT recommend this to anyone new in TMS recovery (WARNING!) because I wouldn't/couldn't get this relief earlier in recovery without triggering a pain episode. There is a difference between repression and lack of interest here.

    I realized that I ALWAYS have an issue with my GF. I just moved and I was going through reams of old 'inventories' from my 12 step program. ALL of my problems are gone... I no longer have any drama in my life...except lingering problems with my GF. I was re-reading the "Power of NOW "by E. Tolle, and I realized that a large part of my ego is tied up in the drama in my relationship. It is sort of the last dangling thread, but a damn thick and heavy one!

    It occurred to me that if I didn't have her shortcomings to complain about, I am nearly invisible. The Ego latches on to anything to be 'against' because it fears if it lets go it will cease to exist. That' also explains peoples pre-occupation with the news, politics, soap opera's (novella's) and other things that have absolutely nothing to do with their actual self.

    When It 'hit' me, I lost all interest in any sort of 'work' our relationship needed, ala better communication, better conditions, treatment, correcting snubs and attitudes. I really and truly right now this moment couldn't care Less. I only have to work out MY issues inside of me. What goes on 'out there' is just a mirror of what's going on 'in here'. As soon as I started adding this to my morning meditations I have had zero drama.

    So back to your postulation...yes. It is absolutely like TMS because it exists to distract me .... The Drama is like a symptom and as long as I am externally focused on it I do not have to look at uncomfortable truths about myself
  3. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think this is brilliant. Very insightful. There's an adage I heard: "The Devil wants to keep you busy." Meaning, as long as you're caught up in other people's stuff and minutia or drama that preoccupies you, you can't get to the true spirit of your self and become your highest potential. Thanks so much for writing these posts, @lexylucy & @Baseball65.
    lexylucy, Tennis Tom and Ellen like this.
  4. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi all,

    Interesting post. I had a similar situation 4 years go : but at that time i was overwhelmed with pain too.
    I think you (lexylucy) expressing your feelings to your friend was honest and a good thing ! . Next thing happening : her/his reacting is not in your control. Next step after that is you being upset with the reaction, i can assume that's where tms comes in the picture.
    Keep going over this.. questioning if you did the right thing etc etc .
    Now looking back at my own experience : i can see that trying to communicate honest was all i could do. And that's what i did. That the friendship did not survive it was sad but looking back i now understand that people change , we all do. Friendship can die and it can grow. Its normal
    If you (and the rest of us) could see that things in life will sometimes be messy : 'drama' as you call it : and accept that and then move on.. than it would me okay. I think all of are trying to get a stress free drama free life : but face it : it will never happen. Being okay with that fact is maybe the harders part.
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2017
  5. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    This was so helpful for me !!! Thank You :)
  6. shmps

    shmps Peer Supporter

    Lexylucy.. the preoccupation with thoughts about that friend, his reaction to your message, your what ifs, your thoughts about how you could react if not this way or that way..etc etc etc are all thoughts and only so that you can stay in your mind and not in your body. At this point instead of going in head, i would ask myself how i feel, just the feeling and try to feel that and also try to feel it in the body in the way of how sensations feel in body.

    I like to say, dont do TMT, too much thinking. Just tell your self, all these thoughts are there because there is discomfort in my body let me try to feel the discomfort and get familiar with it so that its no longer discomfortable and even if i cant find anything, I know it will go away after some time.

    Stay in the body NOT in the mind.
    lexylucy likes this.
  7. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Thanks. I feel relief that we are no longer connected.

    He is dating my very close friend. It has made me very sad to see her so miserable. So I told him what I thought. And that's it.

    Thanks. I am going to try to abstain from imagined or real conversations with said bloke. I actually like him as a person. But I don't like how he is treating my friend.

    How I feel... Yes.

    Loss is a real trigger for me. All of this started around the time when all these fires are happening. It has made me so sad to think of animals and plants passing away. Magical places in nature.

  8. JoeHealingTms

    JoeHealingTms Peer Supporter

    The drama is real,..lol(talking about myself). I was thinking about this idea these past days. A few weeks ago, someone got offended with me with what I considered to be small stuff, but the person stopped talking to me. Actually, this person was kind of a weight on me in little things, and some times triggered internal bad reactions that I had to censor for the sake of politeness. Now that the person have not been talking to me it have been a relief. At the beginning it was kind of affecting me like," was I too strong or not polite?? blah blah, then I realized that I was worrying too much about things that I can not do anything about. People have different levels of opinion, thoughts etc. So what may be silly for me, for another is so disturbing. I have no time for that. The human drama is created. We create it in ourselves, within ourselves, and others do too, and then when our particular human dramas come into contact, then we make it worst. I agree with Baseball65, sometimes we create this internal conflicts because we need them. In fact all my symptoms started one day under the realization that I was going to finally be completely happy, that there was a definite change toward the positive. I think my inner child could not had that. I would have completely forgotten about him would I had got what I wanted, so he had to create all this mess for me to pay attention to him. I am trying to include the inner child in our goals, so he is happy and dont try to sabotage my goals. But you really dont need the mess of human drama, over something that frankly, is not your problem. There is always 2 sides to any couple situation, and in that case, you are only seeing one side. But beyond going into those details, you should simply not attach yourself to problems that dont belong to you. We have enough with ourselves to be dealing with outside triggers.
    lexylucy likes this.
  9. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    I relate very much to what you said about sabotage. I have done the same exact thing a number of times. I say something offensive to someone and immediately a part of myself - I feel regretful. But I know that I did this because I didn't feel safe around this person and then I find if I look at it inside my heart I REALLY FEEL GREAT NOT HAVING THEM IN MY LIFE.

    If I could go back in time I would have made sure to speak in person or on the phone and express concern for my friend. And ask open ended questions. There may have been a possibility for transformation and healing. As I love these people.

    But the point of my post was that I feel like I have been called to act immediately in a way that suggests to me that I am trying to control a situation and that the mechanism behind that urge is actually TMS. Because in every case so far when I have acted in that way a situation that I wish to resolve instead explodes and takes up my attention.

    I am finding with conflict it is better to take a deep breathe and gather my thoughts first. Then really check in to see where the other person is at. If I wait for the right moment and I absolutely drop any judgment I may have a chance to really understand who they are.

    :0) yay


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