10 years later I got a relapse of TMS

Hello to all, so this is my first post. I have started the A. Gordon program and am 8 days in. I think I have a somewhat unique story/situation as I have yet to find a comparable story - (please share if anything resonates).
Let me start from the beginning - Growing up I was bullied - I suppose it starts there. That went on for 2-3 years but then when I got into sports at about 11-12 that all stopped. Fast forward a year or two and I get a knee pain - kind of a tendonitis in my left knee - I have that on & off for about 5 years. Preventing me from playing some big games (initial insight or marker as I look back) I shake that or it turns into a Chondramalacia of that same knew that I still kind of have today. But I work around it and still play all sports. When I was 18/19 I got Tennis Elbow - got surgery & that went away. Growing up I can only remember getting back pain a couple of times - I remember one morning in college waking up and it was bad but that went away. It wasn't until I was 23 or so and working in a job I hated that my back got really bad. that was around 2001. It was terrible and all encompassing - I had to stop playing sports & it was a constant nightmare. I hurt leaning over to brush my teeth at the sink, I was the youngest person on the soccer team yet I was out with back pain (that was also a marker). I tried, Acupuncture, Chiro etc etc nothing worked then I stumbled across Dr. Sarno's book "The mind body connection" at a garage sale. I nearly didn't get it as it had no pictures of stretching! Anyway I read it and it sat well with me. I recall feeling better almost immediately and was back playing sports within approx. 10 days. Amazing, I have been a major advocate for it for years & recommended the book to many folks over the years. About a year later in preparation/anticipation for a big soccer the pain came back but I had so much confidence in TMS that I decided to play despite some negative fears in the back of my head. To my surprise I didn't think of the pain that day or until two days later when I realized it was gone & had not come back (another marker). Oh & PS I had also been "Diagnosed" by a western Physician with degenerative back disease or some variation of my back just not looking good on an x-ray etc & advised not to play any sports. So Great, I am back playing all sports and am a huge advocate for TMS and continue to recommend the book.
However, a couple of things come up and I don't realize what is happening. About 2.5 years ago I start getting this burning pain around the IT band, I didn't think of TMS so I start some Acupuncture, move on to Chiro and whether it was a bad adjustment of my neck, it is followe 24hrs later by a intense pain in my scapula area (upper back, left side). I can't drop my shoulder and lost feeling in 2/3 of my fingers. I stop playing sports again for 3/4 months and it gradually gets better. I still have a numbness in left pointer finger. All is ok till about 1.5 yr ago when the back pain comes back. Gradually at first, I am still playing soccer but it is annoying me. I am still preaching how good TMS is yet my pain is still there, gradually getting a little worse. I am not too worried about injuring myself anymore as I know the theory, so I play on. Granted I try an Acupuncture & the odd Chiro just to help tweak things & "hopefully" reset things. No joy. Then, I got married 4 weeks ago and the day after my wedding I am in as much pain as I ever have been, walking around like an old man. Time to recalibrate and reassess. I am fully convinced it is TMS so why the issue/relapse? I have some doubt that creeps in. I try some more Chiro & Acupuncture & Massage - nothing helps. I stumble across this wikiTMS page and quit the other approaches and start back on this road to recovery through the "Program".
Any insight/feebback would be appreciated.
One other insight I think I have & I will elaborate later is that I "feel" more so think I repress my emotions! As I analyze the predicament (& I do) I see this as something very unusual and perhaps a reason why I have had this relapse. I am trying to figure out more about how I can tap more into my emotions to have an alternate/the proper outlet.
Let me know your thoughts.

 

Hi Stevie,
Check out the 42 day Structured Education Program on this site. look at the main page down the left hand side. You will see it listed. See what you think.

I repress all anger. Never new I did at all. The 42 day SEP gave me amazing insight into myself. I still have numerous physical symptoms that act as a alarm bell that some emotion is being pushed down inside me resulting in pain, anxiety and/or depression.

I talked to my Mother today. I could "hear" disappointment in her voice. I had done something that made her unhappy. Right now I feel like someone tied a big knot between my eyes...sinuses. This is a symptom I have not had in years. I know it is TMS. I have journaled and meditated. The pressure is almost gone.

Welcome... you are on your way.

 

StevieG 2013- One other insight I think I have & I will elaborate later is that I "feel" more so think I repress my emotions! As I analyze the predicament (& I do) I see this as something very unusual and perhaps a reason why I have had this relapse. I am trying to figure out more about how I can tap more into my emotions to have an alternate/the proper outlet.
Let me know your thoughts.

Eric- I think you got the right thoughts
You just need to soothe more- like meditation or tapping
Journal too about the good and the bad.
You just got married so journal about that.
You should start having some ah-ha moments
Thanks for the post- PS- live in the now when your not journaling ok
oh and our emotions settle in our bodies a lot.
Some of us remember sounds, others pictures, others feelings- its normal
Just meditate on nice sights and good sounds, this should help too.
It'll help bring more of your other senses in harmony-
Thus not so much just on the feelings ya know.