Hello to all, so this is my first post. I have started the A. Gordon program and am 8 days in. I think I have a somewhat unique story/situation as I have yet to find a comparable story - (please share if anything resonates). Let me start from the beginning - Growing up I was bullied - I suppose it starts there. That went on for 2-3 years but then when I got into sports at about 11-12 that all stopped. Fast forward a year or two and I get a knee pain - kind of a tendonitis in my left knee - I have that on & off for about 5 years. Preventing me from playing some big games (initial insight or marker as I look back) I shake that or it turns into a Chondramalacia of that same knew that I still kind of have today. But I work around it and still play all sports. When I was 18/19 I got Tennis Elbow - got surgery & that went away. Growing up I can only remember getting back pain a couple of times - I remember one morning in college waking up and it was bad but that went away. It wasn't until I was 23 or so and working in a job I hated that my back got really bad. that was around 2001. It was terrible and all encompassing - I had to stop playing sports & it was a constant nightmare. I hurt leaning over to brush my teeth at the sink, I was the youngest person on the soccer team yet I was out with back pain (that was also a marker). I tried, Acupuncture, Chiro etc etc nothing worked then I stumbled across Dr. Sarno's book "The mind body connection" at a garage sale. I nearly didn't get it as it had no pictures of stretching! Anyway I read it and it sat well with me. I recall feeling better almost immediately and was back playing sports within approx. 10 days. Amazing, I have been a major advocate for it for years & recommended the book to many folks over the years. About a year later in preparation/anticipation for a big soccer the pain came back but I had so much confidence in TMS that I decided to play despite some negative fears in the back of my head. To my surprise I didn't think of the pain that day or until two days later when I realized it was gone & had not come back (another marker). Oh & PS I had also been "Diagnosed" by a western Physician with degenerative back disease or some variation of my back just not looking good on an x-ray etc & advised not to play any sports. So Great, I am back playing all sports and am a huge advocate for TMS and continue to recommend the book. However, a couple of things come up and I don't realize what is happening. About 2.5 years ago I start getting this burning pain around the IT band, I didn't think of TMS so I start some Acupuncture, move on to Chiro and whether it was a bad adjustment of my neck, it is followe 24hrs later by a intense pain in my scapula area (upper back, left side). I can't drop my shoulder and lost feeling in 2/3 of my fingers. I stop playing sports again for 3/4 months and it gradually gets better. I still have a numbness in left pointer finger. All is ok till about 1.5 yr ago when the back pain comes back. Gradually at first, I am still playing soccer but it is annoying me. I am still preaching how good TMS is yet my pain is still there, gradually getting a little worse. I am not too worried about injuring myself anymore as I know the theory, so I play on. Granted I try an Acupuncture & the odd Chiro just to help tweak things & "hopefully" reset things. No joy. Then, I got married 4 weeks ago and the day after my wedding I am in as much pain as I ever have been, walking around like an old man. Time to recalibrate and reassess. I am fully convinced it is TMS so why the issue/relapse? I have some doubt that creeps in. I try some more Chiro & Acupuncture & Massage - nothing helps. I stumble across this wikiTMS page and quit the other approaches and start back on this road to recovery through the "Program". Any insight/feebback would be appreciated. One other insight I think I have & I will elaborate later is that I "feel" more so think I repress my emotions! As I analyze the predicament (& I do) I see this as something very unusual and perhaps a reason why I have had this relapse. I am trying to figure out more about how I can tap more into my emotions to have an alternate/the proper outlet. Let me know your thoughts.