camera

I find that I'm more sensitive to stress and therefore prone to TMS when I stay up late at night, don't eat enough, or sleep in. My TMS also gets worse when my liver is doing bad and in the period of tiem before menstruation. When my stress tolerance is low, I am really reactive to triggers, which worsen my TMS symptoms. I find being away from home to be the most helpful in keeping my TMS away. Having projects and work to do makes my tolerance to stress lower. I've found taking care of my health and relaxing to be the most beneficial to me.

Some TMS traits I've had:

• Being afraid of making the wrong choices in life and having a lot of fear and regret over having made the wrong choices in the past. I've felt like I had to live some sort of right, optimal life and that there was only this one right way to live. Anything else was a mistake that felt awful to me.
  
• Taking a really long time to make decisions, possibly related to my fear of making the wrong choice.
• Feeling like it's not okay to be a failure or a slacker or someone who did things wrong, as if it suddenly made me worthless. Feeling like I have to live up to society's high standards of what a person should be, and anything less will make me hated.
• Feeling guilty over being happy or over having good things happen in my life.
• Feeling like it's not okay to ask for help unless I'm really desperate because I don't want to waste anyone's time.
• Feeling like a burden, like I have to many limitations and needs and can't just be perfect like everyone else who has it all together.
  
• Feeling overwhelmed with my problems and needs.
• Often wishing I had someone to talk to or feeling alone and restrained by my small world.
• Having no ego, no pride, and little drive or desire to do things that impress people.
• Expecting life to be full of struggle and hardships.
  
• Trouble being myself and expressing myself around others unless in a casual setting. Tendency to talk slow, softly and careful especially if I'm trying to hide my emotions. Tendency to smile and laugh. Wishing I could just admit how I feel no matter how wrong and unacceptable.
  
• Feeling ugly when berated by others.

It's okay to screw up a little. It's okay to screw up a lot. It's okay to be a huge failure even though lots of people might look at you with disgust and contempt. It's only because of their sick perfectionism that they look down on you as worthless.


I'm now here for the support but I did try the program and had a lot of trouble getting through it. I have been doing much better than when I first started off. I'm, much more aware of when I tense up and my health has eased up a bit.

I started having problems when I was a child, but they were minor health complaints that I didn't think too much of. When I got older, things started to get more extreme. I found that I had most of the symptoms of fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome. I also began to realize that some of my ways of experiencing the world were not normal and could be categorized as chronic dissociation and anxiety. Since I'd felt this way all of my life, I hadn't realized that it wasn't normal.

The annoying thing about the TMS is the obsessing and the intensity with which I do things or think about things. I can't remember if I've always been like this. Regardless, I start wishing that I could just relax and that relaxing came easy without me having to think about it. It's funny that life could have been so much easier.