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slundius
Last Activity:
Jul 22, 2015
Joined:
Jun 9, 2015
Messages:
4
Likes Received:
2
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6
Gender:
Male
Location:
Chicago
Occupation:
Arts Administrator

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slundius

New Member, Male, from Chicago

Day 21 and I've hit a wall Jul 22, 2015

slundius was last seen:
Jul 22, 2015
  • My Story

    I am a former professional dancer. I injured multiple ligaments in my lumbar spine and SI joints when I was 23 years old. Now, at 56, I’m experiencing extreme pain in my lumbar spine and SI joints (a result of facet arthrosis and foraminal stenosis) and pain, weakness, and tingling of the legs (due to the central canal stenosis). After prescribing three months of physical therapy that resulted in no significant relief, my doctor finally granted the MRI that ultimately confirmed my original insights. I chose first to have an RFA (bilateral L2-3, 3-4, 4-5) in July of 2011. This gave me significant and immediate relief. The SI and Lumbar pain began to return in December 2011 but I’ve been able to manage it through a constellation of pain management techniques until about one year ago.

    Now, my life has become dominated by the effects of debilitating pain. Weight-bearing activities such as standing and walking have become difficult if not impossible to do.

    Over the years I've done significant work in unpacking the repressed emotions of my youth and come to profound insights into the fears and anger that have dominated my life up to now. My next work appears to lie in the realm of self-love.

    I offer this from a recent TMS journal entry:

    This feeling of being judged is ultimately just an outcome of the judgment I make on myself. Self-judgment is a constant thing going on in my head. I’m habituated to judging myself to the point that it seems perfectly natural – healthy even – to be in a place of judgment rather than acceptance. What if my life could be more accepting? What it I could spend more time reveling in the blessings I’ve received? What if I can begin to focus more on the abundance that surrounds me rather than the lack? Here lies one of the secrets of transforming my life from what I’m currently experiencing. Dr. Starks suggested as much. Let’s begin looking at all the ways I can begin to express self-love in new ways. Let’s turn this thing around and get back on track. In many ways, this is the hole I’ve been feeling lately. Looking back at my younger days I was completely obsessed with my career, my art, shaping my world to suit me and my dreams. That’s the energy I’d like to recapture. That’s the catalyst for growth that I need. I’m no longer hungry so the meal of life can never be as satisfying. Get hungry again!
    1. slundius
      slundius
      Day 21 and I've hit a wall
      1. IndiMarshall
        IndiMarshall
        TMS recovery is Non linear always making us doubt if this is TMS or not.
        Jul 23, 2015
    2. slundius
      slundius
      Day 3 and counting
      1. PamD likes this.
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  • My Story

    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    Occupation:
    Arts Administrator
    Diagnoses:
    injured ligaments, spinal stenosis, arthritis, morton's neuroma, baker's cyst
    I am a former professional dancer. I injured multiple ligaments in my lumbar spine and SI joints when I was 23 years old. Now, at 56, I’m experiencing extreme pain in my lumbar spine and SI joints (a result of facet arthrosis and foraminal stenosis) and pain, weakness, and tingling of the legs (due to the central canal stenosis). After prescribing three months of physical therapy that resulted in no significant relief, my doctor finally granted the MRI that ultimately confirmed my original insights. I chose first to have an RFA (bilateral L2-3, 3-4, 4-5) in July of 2011. This gave me significant and immediate relief. The SI and Lumbar pain began to return in December 2011 but I’ve been able to manage it through a constellation of pain management techniques until about one year ago.

    Now, my life has become dominated by the effects of debilitating pain. Weight-bearing activities such as standing and walking have become difficult if not impossible to do.

    Over the years I've done significant work in unpacking the repressed emotions of my youth and come to profound insights into the fears and anger that have dominated my life up to now. My next work appears to lie in the realm of self-love.

    I offer this from a recent TMS journal entry:

    This feeling of being judged is ultimately just an outcome of the judgment I make on myself. Self-judgment is a constant thing going on in my head. I’m habituated to judging myself to the point that it seems perfectly natural – healthy even – to be in a place of judgment rather than acceptance. What if my life could be more accepting? What it I could spend more time reveling in the blessings I’ve received? What if I can begin to focus more on the abundance that surrounds me rather than the lack? Here lies one of the secrets of transforming my life from what I’m currently experiencing. Dr. Starks suggested as much. Let’s begin looking at all the ways I can begin to express self-love in new ways. Let’s turn this thing around and get back on track. In many ways, this is the hole I’ve been feeling lately. Looking back at my younger days I was completely obsessed with my career, my art, shaping my world to suit me and my dreams. That’s the energy I’d like to recapture. That’s the catalyst for growth that I need. I’m no longer hungry so the meal of life can never be as satisfying. Get hungry again!