Samhopkins

I’ve been through a major flair up. Two weeks now. I get these flair ups and it depresses me to no end. The weird thing with me is I have a horrible problem with sitting down and getting up. I am scared to sit at dinner or on chairs because of my pain. I am alone most of the time and I wish life would end for me. I have money I am in great shape from yoga. I eat light and healthy because of the fact I feel there is no way I could possibly be in a hospital bed if I were sick.. I need to get up and walk around because of the pain in my left leg from sciatica. My low back is sore all the time. It’s weird I have everything to live for and I would do anything to travel but I’m terrified of driving anywhere because the horrible pain comes out of know where.
I understand my TMS comes from my stupid drug use and my weird sex crap I did on meth. I’ve had darn 3 mris on my back and left hip in the last 10 yrs. Slightly herrnated disks bla bla bla. My hip is fine for crying out loud.
Shame, and unbelievable guilt.
I stopped my drug use 4 yrs ago.
I feel much better even writing this. I cry out of frustration It’s pethedic trust me. I found out TMS is my problem after reading John sarnos book. I’m very happy because maybe there is hope. I found out TMS is my problem only a few weeks ago by reading John Sarnos book. If you only knew my situation omg...
I’ll say it again OMG and I feel sorry for My poor family..