andy64tms

My Crappy Bio.
My Crappy Bio (up to 1977):
It is extremely hard for me to write about myself. The fact is the following may appear very negative to some, but TMS principles are based on the truth, and I feel comfortable with the anonymity of this forum.
Born in UK 1948 in a post war era of recovery. My first recognition of life was that I had a twin brother who opposed me. He became the dominant bully, as I retracted to a position of self defense and unworthiness. I grew up under confident and somewhat an introvert. We played and fought continually all our lives and to this day in this fashion.
My father, who carries the same name as my brother wasn’t much better. A very proud British RAF pilot, an officer during WW2, his word was final, and he was always in command. He was tough and made many decisions that saved the lives of air force crews many times over. I heard he once dismissed a member of his crew for LMF, (Low Moral Fiber). I always felt wary of him and on guard. Not much love and understanding there, no warm and fuzzy memories.
My mother couldn’t cope, she was always very needy. Herself having a domineering mother who had high expectations of performance, she never stood a chance. She was un-nurturing and lazy, and seemed more interested in getting attention for her ego and self recognition. I can’t think of anything she achieved in her life or at a family level despite her snobbish and opinionated views. She allowed sibling rivalry between her two sons to exist on a daily basis, and I believe she liked the feeling of love when one of us went to her for condolence.
My elder sister was never around. I do know my parents took her to a family therapist when my twin brother and I came on the scene. Her problem was she was jealous; she was no longer the golden girl, as my parents coped with their squabbling bratty twins.
It’s probably no surprise to the reader that my parents elected to send us all to boarding schools. I remember my first at the age of eleven in southern England’s New Forest. One rainy day my mother drove myself and my bully brother loaded up with Trunks and Tuck Boxes, and dropped us off with a bunch of strangers in the middle of a dark forest, oh what horror and fear. I understand my parent’s logic was that their twins at least had each other for company. All in all I was away from home from the age of eleven through seventeen.
My elder sister at this time attended a Swiss finishing school, I know she was lonely. With pomp and snobbery my mother was able to focus on her own loneliness that now befell her, as she cleaned an empty house with no life in it.
As we all grew and matured (if you can call it that), the family dynamics evolved into one of self indulgence. We all became heavy smokers and alcohol soon became a very important part of our lives. In the sixties my father a UK civil servant did several overseas tours where the booze flowed. The booze also flowed into my mid twenties. I had a longing for something else, I didn’t know what though. I felt very different to my family, I didn’t belong. This was exacerbated when I chose to give up smoking. At the age of 21 still living at home the cigarettes and pipes came out after meal times. I got into the habit of walking around the garden at these times and was ridiculed by all for doing so. Looking back I believe I truly believe this action was the first effort on my part to get mind-body control, and it stood me in good faith for what was to follow. I had a success against the severe opposition of the people that are supposed to love me.
As my parents retired to Spain in the early seventies I saw the opportunity to get more independence and purchased my first house as a bachelor. I was alone from the clasps and control of my family, free at last, lonely, happy and content. I still had that yearning for something, that indiscernible longing for companionship and love. I sought employment in Europe seeing this as an adventure from my position of no hope. I viewed Europe a place where the beer flowed as much as in England. The mind changing effect that alcohol played on me was a pretty high priority in those days.
In 1977 all hell broke loose with my family when I fell in love with my present wife. The opposition from my parents and family to her was sly, cunning and interfering. My wife was English and had moved to the United States ten years earlier, I met her while she visited her family. One day she was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, and my deep feelings for her intensified. If she recovered I would return with her to the United States with her no matter what.
The opposition from my family was extraordinary, as they pointed out all the difficulties I would have with her two boys in a new country. Under the guise of caring and love they bombarded me with questions that I had no answer to. I went into an anxiety and fear attack that lasted for several weeks, I became very confused and wimpy. My wife did not understand my doubts, as she had no past experience of family interaction of this kind, perhaps my parents were going to win! Because of this opposition we chose to cancel our formal wedding and elope. I was really in for it now, as this move was taken as a direct insult to all the family. Our disgraceful behavior was gossiped far and wide, and we even had distant aunts and uncles chastise us. My mother’s first words were of how disappointed she was, no congratulations or support. I knew I had made the right decision. Six months later I immigrated to the USA.
describes who I was, and is no longer relevant to me:

http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=2649 (TMSHelp Forum - View Profile)

My Sucess Story in 2000

http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7141 (TMSHelp Forum - Success from 2000)

Now Retired and Happy